Kain Highwind Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 OK, I first met this girl about a year and a half ago in one of my classes. We started out as friends but got really close during the summer and... I love her I care about her more than I do about anyone in the world. I'd do anything I could for her. Like, I just thought of her as a friend at first but the more we hung out, the more I realized that I really like her. In the summer, we used to hang out like every other day after she got off work and the days we didn't, we talked on the phone for hours or texted until we fell sleep. A lot of the time our hanging out was just like watching a movie while laying on my bed but they were some of the happiest times I've had for as long as I can remember. She makes me happier than anyone else in the world and just talking to her on the phone can cheer me up if I'm having a bad day. With my past girls, when I was talking to them, I would just like zone out and be like "when will she quit talking" but with her, I listened to everything she said. I was interested. Just hearing her voice or feeling her like when she hugged me when she left was enough to put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. She's beautiful and even though I've been with girls before, there were days when I thought "eh, she looks... meh" but... I've never thought she looked bad at all. Her eyes are beautiful, she has a cute face, and she's pretty much the prettiest girl I know. She's adorable. I thought we were really close to getting together (she wanted to hang out on my birthday as just us), but school started and we weren't able to hang out much and when I finally tried to make a move, she went on a date with someone else. I asked the day after she did (since it was just a date) but apparently she only dates one person at a time. She got mad because she thought I wasn't respecting her (she apologized right after though) and we took some time apart from each other for about two months. We're talking again but she's got a boyfriend now and it just hurts me so much to know that they're together. I'm friends with two of their best friends and they both say that I'd be better for her and that I'd treat her better, that he's the kind of guy to get with a girl one week and dump her the next for another. I know she really likes him right now but.. I just can't see them lasting long. We haven't hung out and we barely talk anymore but I know she still cares about me some (she got me a birthday present three months after mine) and I still love her. Them being together just hurts me so much... I asked her to hang out yesterday like we used to (first time since we quit talking) and she said she'd have to ask him first. That and the fact that she told her friend that she was gonna spend Xmas with his family (I was there) just made me start crying right after I saw her. I wanna be with her more than anything. I'd give up my Christmas for it. I know she's with someone right now but... Do you think we may? : I mean, her best friends and I both thought we were gonna get together. She's still doing things for me even thoguh we barely talk now I just wanna be the person she cares about like I care for her... I've never felt like this towards ANYONE. I would give up my Christmas this year to get with her.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Nope. You blew it. You took too long and when he came along and made more aggressive moves she was attracted to him. You put her on a pedastal when you werent supposed to. I bet you he doesnt put her on a pedestal, but she jumped right on him. Right now, anything you do will be seen as a pest from her past. She aint lookin back. Your best bet is to be seen with another girl so you look desirable. Thats the only way to even have a chance at her looking at you again. But, anything she liked about you might be long gone. Since you didnt make a move, you looked like a wimp and the MAN stepped up and knocked you out of the way. Thats how it works with the young girls. BTW since youre a guy, you never fall in love with a girl before she falls for you first. Thats why she wont even see you now, she is already head over heels for this guy. Go get yourself a new girl, she'll hear about it, and think differently about you when that guy dumps her...but dont count on it.
lso802 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Sorry man. Sounds like a lost cause -- friend zoned.
Surrealist Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 You've not only lost her forever with regard to getting her, but sounds like you have lost, or fast on the way, to losing her respect for you as well. Btw PLEASE tell me you didn't CRY IN FRONT OF HER????
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 You've not only lost her forever with regard to getting her, but sounds like you have lost, or fast on the way, to losing her respect for you as well. Btw PLEASE tell me you didn't CRY IN FRONT OF HER???? No, I didn't. It was after she left. ANd how am I on my way to losing her respect? She doesn't know about any of this. She knows that I used to like her (even though I still do) but we've barely talked at all lately. I mean, when we met yesterday, it was the first time we've seen each other for longer than five minutes since like September
Bridgey Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Why have you guys stopped talking the last few months? Personally I think she is using the "I have to ask my BF" thing as an excuse to not hang out with you. I say that because I know a lot of girls who would not be ok with thier BFs saying who they can and can't hang out with, but I could certainly be wrong. It really really isn't looking good for you. Right now you guys are hardly even friends (though I don't really see that as a bad thing). I think she knows you two need distance from each other, and you don't seem to be taking the hint. Go NC. Since she's with the other guy there isn't anything you can do right now anyway. Time away from her completely can only do you good.
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Why have you guys stopped talking the last few months? Personally I think she is using the "I have to ask my BF" thing as an excuse to not hang out with you. I say that because I know a lot of girls who would not be ok with thier BFs saying who they can and can't hang out with, but I could certainly be wrong. It really really isn't looking good for you. Right now you guys are hardly even friends (though I don't really see that as a bad thing). I think she knows you two need distance from each other, and you don't seem to be taking the hint. Go NC. Since she's with the other guy there isn't anything you can do right now anyway. Time away from her completely can only do you good. We stopped talking because I asked her out on a date even though she already said she went on one the day before. She said that she felt like I wasn't respecting her Apparently she's the kind of girl to only DATE one person at a time and she apologized the next day but she said we should still take some time apart And she's the one who said we were cool again so I don't think she thinks we still need some time away from each other
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Would just telling her how I feel be a bad idea? I seriously think she liked me and I just can't keep this to myself...
somedude81 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Dude I know exactly what you are going though, and I think you are just hurting yourself. I just spent the last 5 months chasing after a girl who was single but had no interest in dating me but liked my company. And we hung out several times a week. Now that schools over, we're not going to see each other anymore. It seems the same for you. Like she wouldn't go out with you even if she was single. Now that she has a boyfriend, you don't have a chance at all. Do your best to forget about her and move on.
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Dude I know exactly what you are going though, and I think you are just hurting yourself. I just spent the last 5 months chasing after a girl who was single but had no interest in dating me but liked my company. And we hung out several times a week. Now that schools over, we're not going to see each other anymore. It seems the same for you. Like she wouldn't go out with you even if she was single. Now that she has a boyfriend, you don't have a chance at all. Do your best to forget about her and move on. I think she would go out with me if she was. I mean, there were signs that I saw but I just waited too long
Cracker Jack Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Would just telling her how I feel be a bad idea? I seriously think she liked me and I just can't keep this to myself... Yes, it would be a bad idea. Anyway, didn't you try this before? She's in a relationship with someone else. Whether you believe it'll last or not isn't the point. So, either learn to respect her boundaries and be there as a friend, or simply forget about her altogether, like somedude mentioned. We keep mentioning this to you and it's like you're not considering what we tell you. I've also been in your position, and it never turned out how I wanted it to. You just have to understand and move on eventually.
youngskywalker Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I'm going to go against the flow here. I don't think you did anything wrong. Your relationship just started out slow and as friends but now she is now gone and with another guy. That is the situation and you need to come down to reality. There is no more you and her....BUT, if it doesn't work out between her and her b/f then maybe you'll have a second chance. Do you want that second chance? Then let her go and move on in life. The worst thing you can do is hang around as a friend. That never works. Maybe she'll call you someday if she misses you but in the mean time you'll be with another hot girl and more happy then when you were with her. I'll ask again, do you want a second chance? Then move on in life. Paradox yes, but it's the only way. F*** I just blew it with some awesome girl because I was on the fence. Know what I had to do about it? I move(ing) on. There is no more her and me. Sucks, but it's the only way I'll ever have another shot. Cheers.
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I'm going to go against the flow here. I don't think you did anything wrong. Your relationship just started out slow and as friends but now she is now gone and with another guy. That is the situation and you need to come down to reality. There is no more you and her....BUT, if it doesn't work out between her and her b/f then maybe you'll have a second chance. Do you want that second chance? Then let her go and move on in life. The worst thing you can do is hang around as a friend. That never works. Maybe she'll call you someday if she misses you but in the mean time you'll be with another hot girl and more happy then when you were with her. I'll ask again, do you want a second chance? Then move on in life. Paradox yes, but it's the only way. F*** I just blew it with some awesome girl because I was on the fence. Know what I had to do about it? I move(ing) on. There is no more her and me. Sucks, but it's the only way I'll ever have another shot. Cheers. All my friends were saying to be her friend since then, if they split up, I could be there for her... Not as a feelings pillow or whatever, but to show that I care
Bridgey Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I don't think telling her how you feel is going to help you get with her, but maybe it is the only way for you to see what the rest of us see. If I recall correctly, you have asked her out twice, she said no both times, and now she is happily in a relationship with another guy. If you stick around as a friend she is always going to see you as just a friend. If that is all you want to be then stick around. If you disappear for a while theres a chance she -could- see you as more, that is, if she breaks up with her current BF.
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 I don't think telling her how you feel is going to help you get with her, but maybe it is the only way for you to see what the rest of us see. If I recall correctly, you have asked her out twice, she said no both times, and now she is happily in a relationship with another guy. If you stick around as a friend she is always going to see you as just a friend. If that is all you want to be then stick around. If you disappear for a while theres a chance she -could- see you as more, that is, if she breaks up with her current BF. Well, I asked her out once and she turned me down, true. That was just like really before we started hanging out and talking though. We really didn't know each other that well. When I did it the second time, she had acted much differently than she did the first time and I'm thinking that she only said no because he did it first (and she only even dates one at a time)
griffinchicken53 Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 i've gone through something similar so i kind of understand. But how long are you "willing" to wait? They might be together 2 more days, or 5 more years. It's not fair to yourself. i wasted a year on someone like that. I tried to stay the close friend, but i was just looked at as clingy and it made me look weak. but like some said, take some time, give her a chance to miss you. Also if you are there ready to pounce when they break up a few possibilities could happen: 1. you could end up being a rebound relationship 2. or just used to make the other guy jealous. 3. viewed as a creep for trying to swoop in and take advantage of her in an emotional state. 4. you could be around her again, but in the friendzone. 5. possibly you get together with her on a romantic level. but i wouldn't tell her you love her right now. all it would do while she has a bf is cause awkwardness, then bf wouldn't want her being around a guy that wants to be more than friends. it may give you momentary relief for getting it out in the open, but that could push her away even further. Good luck to you.
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 i've gone through something similar so i kind of understand. But how long are you "willing" to wait? They might be together 2 more days, or 5 more years. It's not fair to yourself. i wasted a year on someone like that. I tried to stay the close friend, but i was just looked at as clingy and it made me look weak. but like some said, take some time, give her a chance to miss you. Also if you are there ready to pounce when they break up a few possibilities could happen: 1. you could end up being a rebound relationship 2. or just used to make the other guy jealous. 3. viewed as a creep for trying to swoop in and take advantage of her in an emotional state. 4. you could be around her again, but in the friendzone. 5. possibly you get together with her on a romantic level. but i wouldn't tell her you love her right now. all it would do while she has a bf is cause awkwardness, then bf wouldn't want her being around a guy that wants to be more than friends. it may give you momentary relief for getting it out in the open, but that could push her away even further. Good luck to you. Well I'm not gonna try getting with her as soon as they split up. I'm gonna give her some time I'm fine with 5 and 1 actually and I'm willing to wait just a few more motnhs
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 and is it possible for 1 to actually last? I think if she even gives me a chance that iI can s how her that I truly care for her
griffinchicken53 Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Someone else will have to answer that about longevity of rebound relationships. #1 scenario never played out for me. I was used to make bf jealous.
nice-easy-day Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I think if she even gives me a chance that iI can s how her that I truly care for her I'm sure she knows you care about her. The issue at hand is does she care for you and have romantic feelings? Doesn't seem like it and no amount of you caring for her is going to change that. here is good advice, "absence makes the heart grow fonder"... bail on this girl.
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 I'm sure she knows you care about her. The issue at hand is does she care for you and have romantic feelings? Doesn't seem like it and no amount of you caring for her is going to change that. here is good advice, "absence makes the heart grow fonder"... bail on this girl. I've tried but its just so hard... We've only talked like five/six times in the past two months
somedude81 Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Of course it's hard. It's not easy forgetting about somebody you really care for. But it needs to happen if you want to heal and move on. This morning I deleted the number of the girl that I really liked. The last time we communicated she told me in a roundabout way, "don't call me, I'll call you." I know shes not interested so I'm going to respect her wishes. If she calls me, great, but I know it's not going to happen. I'm also planning to avoid going to places where I'll know she'll be next semester. I know that if I go a few months without seeing her and having no contact, the feelings will fade. You could try the same thing.
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 Of course it's hard. It's not easy forgetting about somebody you really care for. But it needs to happen if you want to heal and move on. This morning I deleted the number of the girl that I really liked. The last time we communicated she told me in a roundabout way, "don't call me, I'll call you." I know shes not interested so I'm going to respect her wishes. If she calls me, great, but I know it's not going to happen. I'm also planning to avoid going to places where I'll know she'll be next semester. I know that if I go a few months without seeing her and having no contact, the feelings will fade. You could try the same thing. I don't want the feelings to fade though... I seriously think I can get with her if they split up and she's like... the perfect woman for me. She's got everything I've always wanted in one and I've been in relationships before and I haven't even felt this strongly when I was with them I know about oneitis but she seriously seems like the one to me
nice-easy-day Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I don't want the feelings to fade though... I seriously think I can get with her if they split up and she's like... the perfect woman for me. She's got everything I've always wanted in one and I've been in relationships before and I haven't even felt this strongly when I was with them I know about oneitis but she seriously seems like the one to me Yep, it's hard and we've all been there. When we tell you back off and move on it's not because we don't want to see you two together again or think it's impossible, it's because of two reasons... 1- It's better for your emotional well-being. 2- Its the only way you'll have a chance at getting her back. Seriously, she knows you exist and care about her so there is nothing you need to do. The more you do the worse things are going to get. I'm in a situation where I have a huge crush on a girl that I dated for awhile. Things faded and I know any further effort will push her away. So I set a goal for three months without contacting her. If I still wish to see how she's doing at the end of three months then I'll give her a call and hope for the best. BTW, I just went on a date the other night with a girl... I think she has potential and I'm going to ask her out again. If you get out there and start dating you're going to be surprised that you can be MORE attracted to other girls rather then the one who you thought was perfect for you. You're playing mind games with this "perfect" girl. She's not perfect, and likely not perfect for you or otherwise you'd be with her. Get what I'm saying? Ditch this girl and forget about her or you're going to put yourself through a world of hellishness. I've been there and it isn't worth it.
Author Kain Highwind Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 Yep, it's hard and we've all been there. When we tell you back off and move on it's not because we don't want to see you two together again or think it's impossible, it's because of two reasons... 1- It's better for your emotional well-being. 2- Its the only way you'll have a chance at getting her back. Seriously, she knows you exist and care about her so there is nothing you need to do. The more you do the worse things are going to get. I'm in a situation where I have a huge crush on a girl that I dated for awhile. Things faded and I know any further effort will push her away. So I set a goal for three months without contacting her. If I still wish to see how she's doing at the end of three months then I'll give her a call and hope for the best. BTW, I just went on a date the other night with a girl... I think she has potential and I'm going to ask her out again. If you get out there and start dating you're going to be surprised that you can be MORE attracted to other girls rather then the one who you thought was perfect for you. You're playing mind games with this "perfect" girl. She's not perfect, and likely not perfect for you or otherwise you'd be with her. Get what I'm saying? Ditch this girl and forget about her or you're going to put yourself through a world of hellishness. I've been there and it isn't worth it. I've tried dating I haven't connected to any of them as well as I did with her even when we first met
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