Ever worry they wont come back despite their reassurances?

[Taucher]

Quick update. My GF left London (and me) 6 weeks ago. She has been visiting family in USA and Costa Rica since then, but today she arrived back in Colombia. It is a bit selfish but I have been dreading this. SHe has not seen her family (Mum, Dad, Bro and Sis, hundreds of cousins, aunts, grandparetns and friends) for 2 and a half years. Seeing them all again has been very emotional for her. Today we spoke for 10 minutes, or least amount of time since she left. Obviously, this is understandable and I feel bad for being worried about it.

 

She has done NOTHING to make me feel like this, but then they dont have to always do anything for you to fear and doubt. She always says she will come back to London, come back to me. I have never questioned this or told her I am worried (not much anyway) but she has always told me how nothing will change and she wants to be with me, in London, forever.

 

But now she is back at her home, I am most worried. Out of all the people who care for her (Family, friends etc.) I am the ONLY ONE who wants her to leave Colombia. Understandable again. But I worry that being home with family and friends and a job and in her home city with no worries (visa, crappy job, language problems) may change her mind about coming back to me.

 

I mean, almost the first thing she did when she got to her parent's house was call me to tell me how much she loved me (she senses I am worried I think) and there was music and laughter in the background. I feel alone and selfish, despite her being amazing and supportive etc.

 

Am I alone in feeling this? It's almost like on the one hand she has me. On the other hand she has all her family, friends, her home city, no hassle and no expense.

 

I just wanted to get this off my chest. Would be interested in people's thoughts/feelings.

[folieadeux]

I can't specifically relate to your situation as my SO and I live in the same country, but I think everything you're going through right now is totally understandable. You're home waiting for her to return and you worry she may be wavering from the original plan being back home again. This is a crucial time and you just have to trust her. Of course she's going to be excited about seeing her friends and family she's been away from for so long, but that in no way means that she forgot about you. You just have to remember that she's doing all this because she didn't really have a choice due to the visa issues. As hard as it is right now, she's doing what she needs to do to ensure she can return back to London and be with you permanently.

 

You guys seem to have great communication despite your schedules right now, which is always a good thing. I can tell from your posts that she always makes an effort to contact you and keep you updated with what's going on in her life. Try to stay positive and focus on planning your trip there.

[aerogurl87]

I honestly had that fear after my first trip to go see my boyfriend. I was scared he'd decide the distance was too much and end things and I'd never see him again. It was a short lived fear, but I felt it nonetheless. I think the fact that she constantly reassures you and talks to you is a great sign that that will not happen though Taucher. I mean, yeah she's home with family and friends but you know what they say, home is where the heart is. And where the heart resides (with you in London) the body (your girlfriend) will follow.

[Taucher]

Thanks you two.

 

I honestly had that fear after my first trip to go see my boyfriend. I was scared he'd decide the distance was too much and end things and I'd never see him again. It was a short lived fear, but I felt it nonetheless. I think the fact that she constantly reassures you and talks to you is a great sign that that will not happen though Taucher. I mean, yeah she's home with family and friends but you know what they say, home is where the heart is. And where the heart resides (with you in London) the body (your girlfriend) will follow.

 

Sorry you had this feeling, but I am sort of glad I am not alone. And it is nice to know someone who had the fear but the fear was ungrounded in reality Yes she does re-assure me, but I dont want to be the kind of weak SO who needs reassurance. I want to treat the whole situation as easy, if you see what I mean. Yes, she's gone away, but she loves me and eveything will be fine. Thats what my friends tell me but it's hard always to feel it. But if I were more confident, I think it will be good for us and our relationship.

 

Sigh.

[aerogurl87]

 

Sorry you had this feeling, but I am sort of glad I am not alone. And it is nice to know someone who had the fear but the fear was ungrounded in reality Yes she does re-assure me, but I dont want to be the kind of weak SO who needs reassurance. I want to treat the whole situation as easy, if you see what I mean. Yes, she's gone away, but she loves me and eveything will be fine. Thats what my friends tell me but it's hard always to feel it. But if I were more confident, I think it will be good for us and our relationship.

 

Sigh.

 

It's ok that you need reassurance, that's natural having your partner be so far away. I feel the same way about being with my boyfriend sometimes. I'll start to worry for no reason about something that has to deal with the distance and then I'll tell myself to just shut up because everything will be ok. But as long as she knows and feels that you love her as much as she loves you, then I think you two will be ok.

[lala82]

It's horrible to feel lonely. I felt the same when my ex bf traveld to Saudi and I was alone in a foreing country. Honestly, I would advice you to go out with your friends, join any activity or sport that you really like it. You can continue to love your SO, but you need to have your own life.

[cdrqueen8]

one of the hardest feelings is being left by your loved one because of the reason that he/ she needs to work or his/her family is migrating to another country. It is like setting your expectation that the foundation you two built will just go to waste. You cannot do anything, you are so helpless.

 

I can still remember how I felt when that happened to me and I swear I dont want to feel that pain again. Worse is when I found out that there is already someone replacing me in her life. I thought that going out with friends will ease the aches but it did not. well I guess that's how life goes.

[Angel 2]

Quick update. My GF left London (and me) 6 weeks ago. She has been visiting family in USA and Costa Rica since then, but today she arrived back in Colombia. It is a bit selfish but I have been dreading this. SHe has not seen her family (Mum, Dad, Bro and Sis, hundreds of cousins, aunts, grandparetns and friends) for 2 and a half years. Seeing them all again has been very emotional for her. Today we spoke for 10 minutes, or least amount of time since she left. Obviously, this is understandable and I feel bad for being worried about it.

 

She has done NOTHING to make me feel like this, but then they dont have to always do anything for you to fear and doubt. She always says she will come back to London, come back to me. I have never questioned this or told her I am worried (not much anyway) but she has always told me how nothing will change and she wants to be with me, in London, forever.

 

But now she is back at her home, I am most worried. Out of all the people who care for her (Family, friends etc.) I am the ONLY ONE who wants her to leave Colombia. Understandable again. But I worry that being home with family and friends and a job and in her home city with no worries (visa, crappy job, language problems) may change her mind about coming back to me.

 

I mean, almost the first thing she did when she got to her parent's house was call me to tell me how much she loved me (she senses I am worried I think) and there was music and laughter in the background. I feel alone and selfish, despite her being amazing and supportive etc.

 

Am I alone in feeling this? It's almost like on the one hand she has me. On the other hand she has all her family, friends, her home city, no hassle and no expense.

 

I just wanted to get this off my chest. Would be interested in people's thoughts/feelings.

 

I think you have nothing to worry about. She has told you that she Loves you and will return. Trust her. I have a girlfriend who has returned to China. She has to leave her husband and deal with a difficult family. I have no doubt that she loves me and wants to return, but it may be too much. I cry every day and the pain is getting too much. I would feel luck to be in your situation. hang in there.