Are faithful women stepford wives?

[Woggle]

Another reason is that she is not in the best of health and I try to repair our relationship but it looks like it isn't happening. I want to get back to the original question though. I hear so many people saying that women have the right to cheat because men have always done it. I heard it from the cheating twins at work and I even see some subtle comments on this board about it so I wanted to pose a question. It seems that men get called misogynists if we want to protect our hearts? Are we just supposed to go out there blindly and risk betrayal?

[loverofloveandstuff]

I hear so many people saying that women have the right to cheat because men have always done it. I heard it from the cheating twins at work and I even see some subtle comments on this board about it so I wanted to pose a question. It seems that men get called misogynists if we want to protect our hearts? Are we just supposed to go out there blindly and risk betrayal?

 

Ahh... seems like you're just looking for a stir. I can't be bothered reading through the pages of this thread but I can almost say with certainty that no woman on loveshack would have said that. Atleast no sane woman...

 

Don't twist words that haven't even been said, nobody is calling anybody a misogynist. It seems to me like you have deeper issues.

[Woggle]

I am not looking for a stir. It is an honest question. Look at these threads where men use a woman's past as a reason not to date them. They get torn apart. Why are men wrong for protecting ourselves?

[loverofloveandstuff]

I am not looking for a stir. It is an honest question. Look at these threads where men use a woman's past as a reason not to date them. They get torn apart. Why are men wrong for protecting ourselves?

 

I can see where this is going... another "my girlfriend's past" or "there's something about women who multidate" thread. The way I see it, if you have an issue with women who have had more sex than you, have had more relationships than you or get more attention from the opposite sex than you, just don't date them!

 

You don't have to advertise the fact that you think that you think they are whores, cheaters, not relationship material or whatever you think these women are. Do whatever you feel is right to "protect yourself" because people you don't have any respect for ultimately won't have any respect for you anyway. So just get over it, nobody is calling anybody a misogynist. You know what you're looking for in a woman, you have your own preferences, you make your own judgements, that's fine. Nobody wants to hear about every woman that doesn't live up to your moral standards so stop whining and tell us about the ones who do.

[Woggle]

It is part of it but in general I just feel that men are criticized if we want to protect ourselves. Some women even get mad at prenups.

[Citizen Erased]

It is part of it but in general I just feel that men are criticized if we want to protect ourselves. Some women even get mad at prenups.

 

You haven't had this argument enough? Seriously? So you throw in the little prenup comment and a feisty thread is reborn. Oh how about I just throw in child support and fathers not getting visitation rights just to help you along the way to where you want to go.

 

Only an idiot would take the things your psycho mother says as what every woman thinks. You're not stupid so all I can come to is you're looking for yet another argument and to end up getting petted and soothed about how much progress you've made not being a woman hating arse.

[Woggle]

I am not looking for an argument. I just wanted to know what people thought. I brought up my mother because it is the conversation that inspired it but it is something I hear quite a bit.

[loverofloveandstuff]

I am not looking for an argument. I just wanted to know what people thought. I brought up my mother because it is the conversation that inspired it but it is something I hear quite a bit.

 

 

If the LS female community and the women I know in real life are in any way reflective of the general female population, saying that "a lot of women" suscribe to the following statements is utter crap:

 

women have the right to cheat because men have always done it.

 

It seems that men get called misogynists if we want to protect our hearts? Are we just supposed to go out there blindly and risk betrayal?

 

Stop twisting everything.

[112233]

Stop twisting everything.

 

How about 1 in every 6 children has his true paternity concealed by his cheating mother?

[bentnotbroken]

Yes she tried to shoot me and my mother says that I drove her to do it. You are right that I need to let this water run off my back which I will try to do.

 

 

Wogs your mother( I use the term only in the sense of her giving birth) is as loony as a loon. She has issues so deep seeded that all she can do is spew crap. You didn't drive anybody to shoot you.:sick:Excuse me but I think your mom needs to be pimp slapped:mad:

[loverofloveandstuff]

How about 1 in every 6 children has his true paternity concealed by his cheating mother?

 

okay... that's interesting, and sad. I don't see what it has to do with anything though.

[bentnotbroken]

She calls it feminism but maybe it is craziness. I just think her and my ex are miserable and want everybody to be that way. My ex knows she ruined a good thing and when she looks at the life my wife and I have she knows it could have been her. If she treated me right I would have done right by her for life but that is all over now. In a way it was a blessing in disguise because I would have never met my current wife.

 

 

That's not feminism...that's jackazzism.

[loverofloveandstuff]

okay... that's interesting, and sad. I don't see what it has to do with anything though.

 

For the record, not a big believer in stats. Again, if you feel the need to "protect yourself from women" then go ahead, do it. Please, don't do us any favours by downgrading or settling. And by "don't twist everything", I am talking about what Woggle is claiming "lots of women" to think and say. A lot of women do not think that "cheating is okay because men do it" and the other things Woggle claims "lot's of women to say. That's absolute BS.

[sally4sara]

Another reason is that she is not in the best of health and I try to repair our relationship but it looks like it isn't happening. I want to get back to the original question though. I hear so many people saying that women have the right to cheat because men have always done it. I heard it from the cheating twins at work and I even see some subtle comments on this board about it so I wanted to pose a question. It seems that men get called misogynists if we want to protect our hearts? Are we just supposed to go out there blindly and risk betrayal?

 

The unfortunate circumstance of your childhood had you over saturated with the views of a crazy woman and her crack pot friends. This has caused you to believe their views are more common than the general populous believes.

 

We already discussed that giving more men than just your husband sexual release is a weird, ass backwards punishment for so many generations of husbands having sexual release with more than just their wives. It still results in men gaining sexual release.

 

This is not how we will do away with your kind! Never doubt that we will do away with all of you; Muwah hah hahaha .

 

Since it doesn't make sense, you already know your mom is a nut, AND you already have a wife you say makes you happy - why do you ask these kind of questions to people you won't believe will tell you an honest answer?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

She is not awesome. She is actually a big reason why I am the way I am.

 

Woggle, I haven't read beyond this quote, but that was my first thought. I think I understand now. And, NO, faithful women aren't doormats or step ford wives. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

[impz]

I am very happy in my marriage but I was actually questioning whether or not I was being a chavinist pig by prefering my current marriage over my first. Sometimes I actually believe what she says then I go to the other extreme and start becoming very negative towards women. She called me today for the holidays and like an idiot I believed her when she was initially nice.

 

Are you happy in the relationship?

 

Is your wife happy in the relationship?

 

If both answers are yes, who cares what your toxic mother thinks. If a faithful wife is equated to a doormat, then what is the whole point of a marriage in the first place? You should try to stay as far away from your mother.

[Woggle]

I know all women don't believe this but sometimes I just let this resentment build up in me sometimes and it needs a release. I know the pain of betrayal so when I hear that I deserved it because of something I had no involvement in it makes my blood boil. I have a hair trigger reaction to misadnry and I am ready defend myself at any time.

 

I just know she is not well and I hate the thought of her dying an angry and sad woman who has nobody left. Her childhood was not that different from mine and is a big part of why I don't want to become a father. I don't want to repeat the cycle.

[dreamingoftigers]

I know all women don't believe this but sometimes I just let this resentment build up in me sometimes and it needs a release. I know the pain of betrayal so when I hear that I deserved it because of something I had no involvement in it makes my blood boil. I have a hair trigger reaction to misadnry and I am ready defend myself at any time.

 

I just know she is not well and I hate the thought of her dying an angry and sad woman who has nobody left. Her childhood was not that different from mine and is a big part of why I don't want to become a father. I don't want to repeat the cycle.

 

Then don't. Study every inch of that attitude and then examine it against a healthy relationship standard, and a healthy personal standard and if there is any belief that doesn't fit, discard it and replace it with something healthy so that you don't pass that on to your children. There is no point in depriving yourself of such a hugely rewarding family experience because you did not have one to begin with.

 

I watch every little action and word around my daughter, it isn't perfect but it is very very controlled and she is a very happy, healthy little girl. I have no doubts about her confidence. I am very careful not to do things that would cause her shame. She is the most beautiful light in my life.

 

It seems that you are caught in a familiar, unhealthy cycle with your mother that has grown into something projected to all women because of what she has poisoned you with. Truly, I doubt she actually believes what she spews. I think she spews her "women's rights" to justify behaviours that shame men, because she herself was shamed by her father. Noticing that you are triggered by misandry, one would naturally assume that you would avoid it BUT often you (like the rest of us who had screwed up parents) seem to pursue it, bring up the insecure questions, throw the past up in the air for others to catch it.

 

In my case, I pursue relationships that are emotionally stormy and dependent until I drive my very thin-skinned partner quite nuts. I can see it happen and yet I don't avoid it because it feeds the same insecurities I have had since I was a child that was abandoned twice by a mother figure and abused by a "father" figure. That insecure question that repeats over and over and over again for children of trauma is simply: "Am I safe yet? I haven't been before and I was left and abused, so human and imperfect partner, can I trust you to fill my every need and make me secure enough to love and be loved, am I safe yet?"

 

It seems that you don't feel safe yet either, be it in your marriage or in dealing with other women and especially not your mother (because emotionally she still uproots you every chance she gets). No one else can make you safe. There comes a point where you need to create that safety and security for yourself. You make things right for you. You won't be as concerned with whether or not your mother's opinion even makes any sense. The only way to do that is to banish her from your territory so that you can get some fences up and then maybe she can have limited access some of the time. The second she tries to knock down any of your fences, banish her again.

 

Enabling her to push you around because of her health does nothing but encourage and reinforce her terrible behaviour. At this point she brings up something nutty and you can only agree with her about her attitude towards men (which reinforces her belief) or argue with her (which reinforces her belief that men are unreasonable and can't see "logic"). The way around this is to simply not respond to her false beliefs at all. Either ignore them in a way that doesn't trigger you or her or to simply tell her to cease the inappropriate conversation or you are done listening to it because it is unhealthy. With either option, it is like you don't even hear it and therefore it does not give her the desired reaction of feeling that insecurity and rejection which must run through her too. It may make her crazy, it will probably push her to prod more, but if you stand immovable she will either grow to respect you or grow bored with not being able to play her game with you.

 

You do nothing for your or her character by simply listening and reacting to her nutty banter. Your relationship with her does not have even the slightest chance to grow or improve. If you change your reactions to her, she will have no option but to change her methods whether for good or stupid. Take back your control.

 

Unfortunately for you being so overexposed to it, you bought the story and made it your own with an equally unhealthy partner. From my personal opinion and I am sure it is echoed pretty well on here, we simply can't relate to the ideas that your mother has created and sold to you.

 

Women behaving that way is so nutty to me, I don't know anyone like that because I simply wouldn't want to. I don't think I would view a woman like that as anything but self-entitled and dangerous. We would not hang out on the weekend.

 

Any person, no matter what gender that views themselves as entitled to harm someone else has personal standards that are simply skewed. Cheating on someone is horribly harming.

 

One person's wrong does not entitle another, even though sometimes we like to think so. Just because men gave themselves some on the side doesn't automatically entitle women to the same poor behaviour (plus it is not like they weren't doing some cheating back in the day themselves, not every young buck went to the brothel).

[Trimmer]

I know all women don't believe this but sometimes I just let this resentment build up in me sometimes and it needs a release. I know the pain of betrayal so when I hear that I deserved it because of something I had no involvement in it makes my blood boil. I have a hair trigger reaction to misadnry and I am ready defend myself at any time.

And yet you still talk to her, knowing every time how it will turn out: she will poke and prod and rekindle that pain of betrayal, and push your buttons just so to make your blood boil.

 

I don't care if she is your biological mother. There's a name for this, and it's masochism.

 

I just know she is not well and I hate the thought of her dying an angry and sad woman who has nobody left. Her childhood was not that different from mine and is a big part of why I don't want to become a father. I don't want to repeat the cycle.

You are not responsible for the way she is, and you cannot save her. You could, if you decided, save yourself, but you keep putting your hand back into the fire.

 

The choice is yours.

[dreamingoftigers]

And yet you still talk to her, knowing every time how it will turn out: she will poke and prod and rekindle that pain of betrayal, and push your buttons just so to make your blood boil.

 

I don't care if she is your biological mother. There's a name for this, and it's masochism.

 

 

You are not responsible for the way she is, and you cannot save her. You could, if you decided, save yourself, but you keep putting your hand back into the fire.

 

The choice is yours.

 

Wow you said exactly what I was getting at, but in far far fewer words

[Woggle]

Today a woman gave me a hand trying to carry a bunch of heavy stuff to my car so maybe it is time to finally take that leap and stop holding on that little bit of bitterness like it is my security blanket. I still wish my mother would finally wake up. Though she is very wrong in what she says my grandfather created a monster just like she created a monster of her own. It is a nasty cycle in my family.

[dreamingoftigers]

Have you cut things off with your mother yet?

[Woggle]

Have you cut things off with your mother yet?

 

I have not spoken with her since but I learned she spent christmas with my ex.

[Distant78]

I have not spoken with her since but I learned she spent christmas with my ex.

 

Because both of them are unhappy and mad because they don't have you to pick on constantly. Cut her off completely dude. I know she's your mom but you have to let her go. She's just going to keep doing the same thing.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have not spoken with her since but I learned she spent christmas with my ex.

 

LOL. That is just so ****ing twisted.