aerogurl87 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Your mom is wayyyy off. No a woman who is faithful is not a stepford wife or slave. She is a woman who is happy to be with her partner and doesn't want and/or need attention and affection from another source than her partner.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I am very happy in my marriage but I was actually questioning whether or not I was being a chavinist pig by prefering my current marriage over my first. The answer is no. Your mother sounds as crazy as mine. Believe me, that's crazy.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 All the greatest women (and men) that I know value faithfulness in their relationships. It's a strength and a wonderful virtue, not a weakness. You know that well, already. Speaking for myself, I am faithful and true ... and so very, very not Stepford!
hoping2heal Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I was just talking to my mother and she is still angry at me for dumping my ex. According to her I dumped her because she would not be a faithful stepford and that I punished her for acting the way men have acted for ages. She said that I have my faithful slave right now and that my current wife is a doormat who does not satisfy her own needs. Do you agree with this? Wow - no wonder you are mistrustful of females. This coming from your Mother? Let's see I'm faithful. He meets every need I have and satisfies me like no other I would not turn to another man to meet my needs even if he weren't. We have a great relationship that includes honest communication - part of the reason why our needs ARE met - we know how to communicate them to one another. We are not all in hum-drum relationships that have fizzled after the "honey-moon period" Some of us are in amazing relationships long past that because we share and value deep intimacy between the two of us and I could not possibly hope for more . I am so in love with this man.
Author Woggle Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 This is why I so strongly believe that many women who talk that sexual empowerment stuff are not worthy relationship partners. When I hear it all I think of is that many of them want an excuse to treat a man anyway they want and if he objects he is insecure and a woman hater. When everything hit the fan all I heard was how I was afraid of my ex wife's sexuality and how I was trying to force her to be a pure faithful dog who would never take her of her needs.
paleblue Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Ya I don't know the entire situation, but I will say I think that was rude of your mom to say. Wtf. It's your life. She should just be supportive.
zengirl Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I was just talking to my mother and she is still angry at me for dumping my ex. According to her I dumped her because she would not be a faithful stepford and that I punished her for acting the way men have acted for ages. She said that I have my faithful slave right now and that my current wife is a doormat who does not satisfy her own needs. Do you agree with this? From everything you've said about your mother, she seems to be a very toxic and negative force in your life, particularly in this area. So: ignore her! Your current wife has always sounded lovely, and I think you have within you the potential to be a good man for a good woman, despite your bitterness, Woggle. Your posts bother me sometimes, when they come from a bitter and negative place, don't get me wrong, but you always sound positive about your current wife. Your Mom doesn't get to sway that. To answer the topic question: No, a good, faithful wife is not the same thing as a Stepford wife. A Stepford wife has no opinions of her own, never asserts her own power (by which I don't mean simply aggressively, but she never even asks for what she needs), and does nothing whatsoever for herself. Most decent men would be bored of such a woman. That's not to say they want the complete opposite -- to be abused and fought with all the time -- but they want a woman with a personality, generally.
Negative Nancy Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 (edited) I was just talking to my mother and she is still angry at me for dumping my ex. According to her I dumped her because she would not be a faithful stepford and that I punished her for acting the way men have acted for ages. She said that I have my faithful slave right now and that my current wife is a doormat who does not satisfy her own needs. Do you agree with this? Sorry to say that, but if your mother is talking about the ext that tried to shoot you, then your Mom is just as bad of a nutcase as your ex is. How could she be MAD that you dumped someone that cheated on you and tried to kill you? How you could even ask the thread question is beyond me. Does your mother STILL have that much power over you? Set yourself free. Be happy with your current wife and don't let your past get to you. I seem independent on the outside too but in a really good relationship I turn into the more feminine and nurturing side of mine. If that makes me a stepford wife, so be it. I like making my partner happy and being faithful and loyal goes without saying - I don't really have eyes for anyone else anyway. I'm sure your wife is truly happy with you so stop looking for things that will sabotage your relationship and become self-fulfilling prophecies. Edited December 18, 2010 by Negative Nancy
Author Woggle Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 She is talking about the ex that tried to shoot me and according to her I brought it on myself. I am also to blame for her drug use and she says that the fact that my ex will probably do serious time for robbing a Dunkin Donuts will keep me up at night if I have any decency left. It seems that my ex is not to blame for anything in her life whatsoever. Her mother feels the same way. I was the one that got her on drugs despite the fact that she was doing them way before she met me and I tried to get her clean when we were married. I never knew I had this much power to make another person do things.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 She is talking about the ex that tried to shoot me and according to her I brought it on myself. I am also to blame for her drug use and she says that the fact that my ex will probably do serious time for robbing a Dunkin Donuts will keep me up at night if I have any decency left. It seems that my ex is not to blame for anything in her life whatsoever. Her mother feels the same way. I was the one that got her on drugs despite the fact that she was doing them way before she met me and I tried to get her clean when we were married. I never knew I had this much power to make another person do things. your mum is obviously biased. I'm guessing she's close with your ex.
hoping2heal Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 This is why I so strongly believe that many women who talk that sexual empowerment stuff are not worthy relationship partners. When I hear it all I think of is that many of them want an excuse to treat a man anyway they want and if he objects he is insecure and a woman hater. When everything hit the fan all I heard was how I was afraid of my ex wife's sexuality and how I was trying to force her to be a pure faithful dog who would never take her of her needs. Sexual empowerment seems to me like a bunch of BS. You use someone who uses you back and the power there is what exactly?
sally4sara Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I was just talking to my mother and she is still angry at me for dumping my ex. According to her I dumped her because she would not be a faithful stepford and that I punished her for acting the way men have acted for ages. She said that I have my faithful slave right now and that my current wife is a doormat who does not satisfy her own needs. Do you agree with this? Your wife works and you don't seem put off by her being an equal in the relationship you have with her. You know your mothers accusation is bull****. Ignore her; you know damn well she is nuts. It wouldn't matter if we all agreed with her psychotic BS, you know you don't run your wife because if you did it would reflect in the relationship.
Distant78 Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I can understand why you still talk to her. A small part of you still loves her and that's okay. But you need to draw the line in the ground soon...
sb129 Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I think you guys may be confusing feminists with nutjobs. Quite right. Yes she tried to shoot me and my mother says that I drove her to do it. You are right that I need to let this water run off my back which I will try to do. Please do Woggle. No mother I know would say that to their child. She really is not a very good example of how mothers should behave. She is talking about the ex that tried to shoot me and according to her I brought it on myself. I am also to blame for her drug use and she says that the fact that my ex will probably do serious time for robbing a Dunkin Donuts will keep me up at night if I have any decency left. It seems that my ex is not to blame for anything in her life whatsoever. Her mother feels the same way. I was the one that got her on drugs despite the fact that she was doing them way before she met me and I tried to get her clean when we were married. I never knew I had this much power to make another person do things. You don't! To them its far more convenient to blame you than to take any responsibility themselves. That would require introspection and self criticism, which is often only possible if you are mentally healthy.
whichwayisup Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I was just talking to my mother and she is still angry at me for dumping my ex. According to her I dumped her because she would not be a faithful stepford and that I punished her for acting the way men have acted for ages. She said that I have my faithful slave right now and that my current wife is a doormat who does not satisfy her own needs. Do you agree with this? I need to ask..Your mom hasn't forgiven you for dumping your crazy ex wife and she is still close with your ex wife. The two of them share a weird bond, crazy attracts crazy maybe?? Anyway, why do you even bother listening to your mom and letting her get to you, or even consider what she is saying might be true? Honestly Wogs, the woman in your life now, your wife, is the one for you. She is kind, loyal, loving, caring and has your back no matter what. Your mom doesn't KNOW your wife, she hasn't taken the time to get to know her, talk to her, spend time with her, so any opinions your mom may have doesn't amound to much.. Live your life the way you want to and try not to let your mom's feelings about your wife, let alone your LIFE, get to you.
Skump Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Not to make light of your situation, but it's time to wake up and smell the insanity, bro. Your mom is a clinical psychopath. She's probably suffering from NPD if not worse. Tell this woman to seek help and then go no contact - forever.
Author Woggle Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 Not to make light of your situation, but it's time to wake up and smell the insanity, bro. Your mom is a clinical psychopath. She's probably suffering from NPD if not worse. Tell this woman to seek help and then go no contact - forever. I seriously think she mental problems but will not accept it.
Undine Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 She is talking about the ex that tried to shoot me and according to her I brought it on myself. I am also to blame for her drug use and she says that the fact that my ex will probably do serious time for robbing a Dunkin Donuts will keep me up at night if I have any decency left. It seems that my ex is not to blame for anything in her life whatsoever. Her mother feels the same way. I was the one that got her on drugs despite the fact that she was doing them way before she met me and I tried to get her clean when we were married. I never knew I had this much power to make another person do things. Your mom and your ex both need serious help. If my mom told me that somebody shooting at me was my fault, I'd never talk to her again. Seriously, that's ridiculous. The only way I could ever bring a shooting on myself would be if I was trying to kill somebody at the time. Unless you were trying to kill somebody, your mom needs to stfu and you need to stop taking her calls unless she sends you proof that she's in therapy or something. I am a feminist and I am also a wife and mom and we are monogamous and faithful to each other. Idk what demon crawled up your mom's butt but it wasn't feminism, it's some kind of craziness: just stay clear of it, it's not good for you.
Author Woggle Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 She calls it feminism but maybe it is craziness. I just think her and my ex are miserable and want everybody to be that way. My ex knows she ruined a good thing and when she looks at the life my wife and I have she knows it could have been her. If she treated me right I would have done right by her for life but that is all over now. In a way it was a blessing in disguise because I would have never met my current wife.
Pyro Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 serious questions here: I am just curious as to why after everything your mom has said and done towards you that you are still talking to her. Is it because that you still believe that most or all women are evil and that by keeping a woman like that in your life who fits that mold helps you confirm your beliefs? Are you worried that by kicking her out of your life, that the only women left in your life would be healthy and balanced? That would prove what you have believed for a long time to be incorrect. Are you capable of living your life without any drama in it? To me it sounds and looks like your mom is the last remaining part of drama in your life from past events and for some reason you are holding on to it.
Author Woggle Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 I keep in contact with her because I would feel like a piece of garbage kicking the woman that gave birth out of my life. As messed up as she is she is still my mother.
Pyro Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 (edited) and just how far are you going to let her go? What if she comes at your wife with a lead pipe? Does your feeling like garbage still trump all? Just because she gave birth to you does not give her a free pass to fill your head with hate. I think you are alone in your decision to keep her in your life. You sure do preach about not liking drama but yet you purposely hold on to it. *Do you mind not side stepping questions and actually answering them?* Edited December 20, 2010 by Pyro
dreamingoftigers Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I keep in contact with her because I would feel like a piece of garbage kicking the woman that gave birth out of my life. As messed up as she is she is still my mother. Hey I gave birth to someone cute. I felt her grow and move inside me months before she was born. That hormonal drivers that linked me to her during that process completely changed my life. I know she is completely vulnerable to the influence of my husband and myself. Her emotions are like a soft little shell. All children are, anyone who values their children don't crush them and damage them in ways that are hard to put back together. She allowed her demons to rule over your life and hers and wishes for that to continue. It isn't your mother that you are hanging onto, it is that dream of having a loving healthy mother. I know with my Dad for over 20 years there was always just enough hope to keep things going. He would behave for just long enough to get that tiny bit of trust or sympathy or influence and then he would slam shame in my face or just be ridiculous. The way he treated me about my wedding was terribly abhorrent. I was 23 and he couldn't even treat me like a person much less and adult. Eventually you are going to grieve the fact that she isn't going to become that loving healthy mother. Maybe after she loses contact with her son, it might click in. By not grieving your actual loss, you are holding onto something incredibly unhealthy. It is like Alien, she has that freaky thing in her belly and you keep thinking, "well maybe it is finally gone" and then she gets close and POP! Out it comes. Stop thinking the Alien might be gone and isn't going to attack you! Until she can reasonably prove that she isn't going to eat your brains and heart for breakfast, set up some walls (forcefield, whatever) and protect yourself from this BS. Or leave the damn crazy ship. Dude, you are leaving yourself open to heavy attack, and even if you CAN take it, that doesn't mean that you should. It doesn't set you up for being respected, it sets you up for being attacked more often. That doesn't mean you need to be reactive, just something simple. I had to tell my father to stop calling me when he was drunk. If he called, I hung up. No one gets to bitch about my spouse but me. ( and maybe some LS people, but you guys don't know him so it isn't real anyways). I would never let that dumbass father of mine spew his garbage over my mate. He did that in the early years and I did not play ball. That would be my first solid boundary.
jthorne Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I was just talking to my mother and she is still angry at me for dumping my ex. According to her I dumped her because she would not be a faithful stepford and that I punished her for acting the way men have acted for ages. She said that I have my faithful slave right now and that my current wife is a doormat who does not satisfy her own needs. Do you agree with this?This is one of the craziest things I have ever heard and it REEKS of jealousy. Don't you see it?
dreamingoftigers Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 This is one of the craziest things I have ever heard and it REEKS of jealousy. Don't you see it? My super-close friend and neighbour has a nutbag mother like this who is bitterly, bitterly jealous of her daughter's marriage and keeps trying to split it up. She even posts relly bitchy things all over her facebook regularly. I was so glad when last month my friend asked her to exit stage left.
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