nj10 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Even after 7month of breakup..I still miss him everyday.. He is my classmate in university..we live in different states..last sem break,both of us back at home and he dcided to break up with me..with a reasons I cant accept..things get really worst for me..I have done all the things which I shouldnt do after breaking up and I am not proud of it.. and in that 2months holiday I lost weight a lot..I have cried each night for more than 2 months..I have fb n email stalking him..he got a new gf just after 3 months..When I am back at the campus after the holiday, I meet him almost everyday..due to same schedule..On the campus, his new gf just live about 20m away from me.. at one point..i closed my fb and try to stop check on him..my life had getting better and my result in examination also get better..It takes a LOT to heal..but not entirely...its been few months..and now..I am back to my sem break holiday again..and I MISS him everyday..and I start to check on in his email back..I am afraid to go back to that dark time..I dont know what to do..I think I will never forget him..after all he is my 1st love..and I am not a person who fall in love very quickly.. I dont know how to cope with this feeling..I just miss him too much...
IfiKnewThen Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 (((hugs))) i know how you feel even though i am much older than you and the circumstances are a little different. but its been 7 months for me and i did have a bad set back recently. i was holding out hope for so long..but didnt do anything to make my situation work. at least you tried. even if you did the wrong things as you say. it gives one peace of mind i think to know they tried. i think its so much tougher today with FB and social networks. even i see the person i love and ended 7 months ago and i know how you feel. yet we hold onto that because its something tangible. even if its virtual reality. you feel like they are still near. first real loves are very painful. even my own daughter who sounds like your age..well a bit older...just broke up with her b/f..well he did with her...and they were living together...so she felt she lost her home too. this has been a very rough year for so many. i was at a book sale and came across this book called. how to survive the loss of a love by melba colgrove and harold bloomfield . itss the most well writen , easy to understand, read and follow...self help love loss book out there , i think. its simple but very practical. get lots of hugs from friends and family. wean yourself off of fb or go cold turkey....if feel compelled try to resist or give yourself times of reflecting with strict limits on it. i think fb and crap just stir things up so much today its horrible and some things get so misconstrued. anyway hang in there. when youre younger relationships dont tend to last..meaning he prob wont be with her long either. youre doing really good getting support by coming here. get out too. be proud of yourself. keep moving forward. in time you WILL very likely find someone ...just be strong. have faith....dont give up.
Author nj10 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Oh my..your daughter must have a very rough time. I know there are a lot more ppl that have a much tougher experience than mine. I have read the forums in LS since the breakup and it really helps. But this is my first time posting here. I will check out on that book since I find reading really help me. And I do recommend Eddie Corbano's blog (http://lovesagame.com/) for the ppl here in LS to help them deal with painful breakup. I agree with what you said abt fb and I am still off from fb and I dont think I will be back for a long period of time. Fb is just messing with my healing process. Its kind of naive of me to think it would last. Everyone said that about him since he has never been in a r/ship more than 6 months. Except with me though which was almost a year. I am proud of myself. And I consider myself very lucky to have a very supporting friends and family. But this is all about me. This feeling will always come. There will be a time where we become vulnerable. Moving forward is the best thing I can do. Just hope this feeling will go away soon. This year have been rough for many. My sis and cousin just broke up a few days ago with their bf and gf. My brother and me broke up almost at the same time. My friend also having breakup 2months ago. And most of them have been in the r/ship longer than I do. Just hope 2011 is going to be a great year for everyone.
IfiKnewThen Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 i have terrific news. that book i read and am STILL reading over and over again (lol) can be found online and i have it here for you http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm go to the table of contents....start with clicking on the link to "understanding loss" and then read all the other chapter links below that. i too am going to go to your site and read eddies blog. i am so sorry to hear about your families loss in their relationships too. you sound strong and smart. but yes...this sadness is an undertaking. our minds and hearts know what we got used to and felt happy and satisfied and comforted with in the past. BUT we can and will overcome it over time...thru integrating additional things in our lives to make us happy even if its on the smallest scale. and those little moments of normalcy as we knew it and happiness will gradually jolt us back to more complete moments of happiness. and we need diversion...and to keep communication going till we are rid of the feeling thru being more aligned with acceptance of the situation. i am still grieving natually. some things take more time. certain things will always be a part of us but we can get to a place where it no doesnt rule us. and the moments when it does we turn to God friends and family and our past inner strength. anyway thats what i am trying to do (lol) ; ) a good cry is a real part of it all too thats for sure. be gentle with yourself. someone will not only appreciate the great person you are but will also be solid and loving enough...to go on loving us the days we are not so great. but for future references....always be good and kind to the ones we love. people are human and we can take a good thing for granted. and half of us on LS feel that we have done that. so its good to remember as you move on. stay kind to those you love and seek out those who treat you the same way. anyway youre doing good. hang in there . hugs
Author nj10 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Thanks for the book! Yup!Same here.I tend to read things that makes me feel good over and over again.Same with movies.lol I agree with you that we will overcome it over time eventually. For me, it is very helpful to involve in new things. To refresh our life. I find exercising and meditating are very good for me. And yeah, crying is a big part of it also but I will make sure I have someone beside me. At time like that, its better if you are not alone. I am going to take things slow. And resist the feeling to look back. And read that book for sure;-) Hoping you and your daughter doing fine coping. Things will get better for us as long as we keep moving forward like you said. ^^
IfiKnewThen Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 yes thats what we are doing trying to cope and thanks for asking : ). i tried to convince her to come home..i thought it would be best for healing and taking her time and to make it easier for her economically put she wanted her own apartment to throw her mind and thoughts into. sighs..but i understand. but its tough economically for her and she gets lonely too. she only lives 5 mins away by car. ...but she feels lonely after living with him for a year. she had some evidence that he cheated on her. ..she was acting strange..then asked her to leave than she found evidence... oh boy. was very heartbreaking. but this thread is about you. but i DO have a great feeling about you and your ability to conquer this and find the place for it in your heart where you can cope. anyway write whenever you want and feel you have to and keep your great spirit and keep busy like you said with new things. i think thats what i am going to do . my daughter is doing that too. God bless you
IfiKnewThen Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 typo. i meant to say HE (not she) was acting strange..then he asked her to leave.... than she found evidence... oh boy.
Author nj10 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Umm..I understand that she want to be alone but to live by her own is not really a good idea I think. For me, I always jog on my own and I usually spend time afterward doing my own reflection. It's my time to be alone. But its better to be surrounded by family or people that are close to you that understand and always be supportive to you. Oh my..If he really cheat, than he didnt deserve your daughter. Yeah, keeping busy with new thing is a way to go. One of ny new year resolution will be to get busy as possible. Try find activities which you can have fun with your daughter and meet new people. I just sign up for volunteering. Me and the girls have planned for several trips for next January. I just want to enjoy this 1 and half year before graduate and spend time with my friends and after that I dont have to see my ex everyday anymore. I just read on the Understanding Loss chapter and going to read more after this:) Wish you and your daughter best of luck on moving on. God bless you too .^^
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