goldenrainbow Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hello all...I am so glad to have found this forum, I can relate to so many your stories. Unfortunately. I have recently broken up with this guy after 1 year together. 6 months living together, didn't work, broke up, got back together, then broke up again, them got together again then finally broke up again last Friday. The typical toxic relationship. He wanted to marry me, I didn't, I have been married and don't want to commit like that again. Then on his side came the verbal abuse and phisically threatening me last Friday and I put an end to it. And I have been miserable since. N/C until Wednesday when I really had to email him about a matress that he had left on my place. And we have been contacting. I DON'T want to get back to him, (rationally) but emotionally I would open the door right now if he knocked (and he wants to knock). I know I'll survive, I'm not going to die of course. But this is honestly my first broken heart, I was the kind of girl who dumped guys because I got fed up, then had a 15 year marriage which I ended and now this guy. Although I was the one who ended it I love him so much that I feel so miserable. We do survive...don't we?
stopthemadness Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Hello all...I am so glad to have found this forum, I can relate to so many your stories. Unfortunately. I have recently broken up with this guy after 1 year together. 6 months living together, didn't work, broke up, got back together, then broke up again, them got together again then finally broke up again last Friday. The typical toxic relationship. He wanted to marry me, I didn't, I have been married and don't want to commit like that again. Then on his side came the verbal abuse and phisically threatening me last Friday and I put an end to it. And I have been miserable since. N/C until Wednesday when I really had to email him about a matress that he had left on my place. And we have been contacting. I DON'T want to get back to him, (rationally) but emotionally I would open the door right now if he knocked (and he wants to knock). I know I'll survive, I'm not going to die of course. But this is honestly my first broken heart, I was the kind of girl who dumped guys because I got fed up, then had a 15 year marriage which I ended and now this guy. Although I was the one who ended it I love him so much that I feel so miserable. We do survive...don't we?Well you already know this but here it is anyway k. Hes not the guy for you. You want a relationship that STAYS 2gether! Not one that breaks up, goes back and all that drama. Am going through the same kinda thing with my ex. Its been 2 month now sence I found about "her" so I know ITS HARD. Most of the time I do good with N/C but after about a week, someone emails or whatever. But most of the time we stay n/c. I see a therapist, Cause my thinking is if I couldnt stop the maddness of "us" not working for 8 1/2years by my self. Then Ill get some help. Soo yes we do surivie!! Some us with help, some not. Isnt it funny through, Like you I was married to my ex-husband for 14 years. But this break up with boyfriend just seems more painful. Hang in there..I know I am. Maybe later(much Later) me and my ex can be friends. But not yet not 2day..keep posting it helps.
restart Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Well you're miserable because you did want it to work on your terms although they're not exactly that tough really; if he truly loves you, wants to be with you, then whats with his irrationality about getting married so soon; he's got to know its has to be mutual doesnt he?? knowing full well that you had been thru 15yrs on another and certainly your wisdom from that he should appreciate. The abuse thing you definitely DON'T NEED, be strong girl, that can be a signal of things to come, hate to say, and you don't need that after the 15yr thing. For physicality to come into it like that, tread carefully. The only other between the lines thing I'm wondering about (you can choose to admit if you like) is whether the 15yr relationship is truly over for you? Could you be subconciously still hanging on to that, is that at all part of it? This is just trying to understand your message, between the lines, I'm not trying to poke at you at all.
Author goldenrainbow Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 thanks, stopthemadness it's funny how we know that only without them we can have some peace and really get tempted into getting into the turmoil over and over again. I have just turned my cell off and glad to keep it off I have been listening to this song and although I am crazy about him that's what I want to tell him.
Author goldenrainbow Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Well you're miserable because you did want it to work on your terms although they're not exactly that tough really; if he truly loves you, wants to be with you, then whats with his irrationality about getting married so soon; he's got to know its has to be mutual doesnt he?? knowing full well that you had been thru 15yrs on another and certainly your wisdom from that he should appreciate. The abuse thing you definitely DON'T NEED, be strong girl, that can be a signal of things to come, hate to say, and you don't need that after the 15yr thing. For physicality to come into it like that, tread carefully. The only other between the lines thing I'm wondering about (you can choose to admit if you like) is whether the 15yr relationship is truly over for you? Could you be subconciously still hanging on to that, is that at all part of it? This is just trying to understand your message, between the lines, I'm not trying to poke at you at all. restart, good point about my marriage, because I do miss the family I had. But I was divorced for 6 months when I met this guy so I didn't feel ready for marriage, obviously. Maybe unconsciously I am still not over it, but it was the only way out. As for my ex-boyfriend, you're so right...We would go on arguments and I would never use bad word, he on the contrary started calling me names at some point, and geez, respect is really something that is crucial for ANY relationship. Why I keep loving him after everything? I don't know...and I admit I'm no saint, I've said my bad things that I later regretted.
restart Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Can't help but thinking of Gloria Gaynor's old song! "As long as you know how to love you know you're still alive". Well, if there is mutuality in this with the ex-bf, then simply put it on the line with him at some point if you choose to get in touch again: no more abuse of any sort! When things fall apart, there has got to be some effort and changes perhaps to be made, if just to build that trust and respect, if its in tatters. Just make that the dealbreaker with him, again you don't need that, you can use your strong senses from your experience, to move forward with someone else, keep your head up high!
stopthemadness Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 thanks, stopthemadness it's funny how we know that only without them we can have some peace and really get tempted into getting into the turmoil over and over again. I have just turned my cell off and glad to keep it off I have been listening to this song and although I am crazy about him that's what I want to tell him.Ok people I too like goldenrainbow have NO feelings for my ex husband at all. Its these fresh new breaks ups that have us sooo messed up. I listened to your song. I dont even listen to the radio right now. Too many so sad love songs. The cell phone thing I totally get! I used to put my cell phone in my car in the glove box over night REALLY! It seemed to help untell I listened to the messages huh? Isnt it awesome to have people on this site who get it!!
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