mickie Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Ok, just looking how to play this the best way. We had two great dates within the last week. We had another date set for tomorrow. I called her last night, went to vm. Never heard back, so I was concerned. So I called again at 5:30. She picked up and said she's been in the hospital with the rest of her family since Tuesday night. She told me her mother had a heart attack and it was close, but she's ok now and in recovery. I said I am so sorry and my best wishes are with you and your mother. She said thank you, and things in life are on hold for right now. She said she had to cancel tomorrow's third date too. I said, I understand. You take care of yourself, your family and your mother right now. She said, thank you for understanding. I will call you when things calm down. Am I wrong to think that she's probably not going to contact me again? I don't think she's lying, but something like this is a bit traumatic. If I were to have one of my parents in the hospital, I would be disheveled for a while.
SuitUpShelly Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hi Mickie, It sounds like she is just going to need some time for her and her family. If she is interested in you she will call you back when things go back to normal. For the time being, be patient and let her make the next move. All the best.
Author mickie Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 No doubt. Though, I just have a feeling she's not going to reach out. Obviously, I am not going to just wait around, however, I think this is bad for building something in the early stages. Of course, I am happy to hear the mother is ok, now, but I am unhappy to hear that everything is on pause. We all know what happens when something goes on pause.
xRJ85x Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Shoot her a text in a week asking how the mom is doing. Showing you care is obviously a big part.
Author mickie Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 So I should not wait for her to call me like she said? Be more assertive and go after her? Isn't that being a bit too clingy after just 2 dates?
xRJ85x Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 So I should not wait for her to call me like she said? Be more assertive and go after her? Isn't that being a bit too clingy after just 2 dates? Maybe a week and a half actually. And when I say small text I mean something like "Hey, I hope your mom and the rest of you are doing OK?" I wouldn't say it's being too clingy. Its showing that you remember and more importantly that you care. File it under the "nice guy" catergory but also under the "mature" category. If she holds it against you, then quite frankly she's a bitch, cuz most normal girls would want their bf to be supportive in a situation like this. It's a pretty big deal, so I don't see a problem with showing you care.
Author mickie Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Just dating, no bf/gf thing yet. She's a few years older than me too, 34. Not sure if that matters or not. Just don't want to look clingy or too nice. AKA friendzoned.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 You werent friendzoned, you were blown off. She doesnt have a mom in the hospital, she just used an excuse that you cant call her out on. This has been going on alot lately. If you read around on these threads, you would see that a few guys are getting the same excuse. It keeps guys like you from calling them when they say "I will call you when things calm down." its the perfect excuse to blow someone off. "my _____ was hospitalized" Just before the time we were supposed to go out eh? What a coincidence! Shes not interested, she was just too much of a coward to tell you that, because she didnt want to explain how you turned her off. You have to now re-assess these two dates and figure out what you did or said that might have turned her off- if she didnt date you just to pass the time. The first clue was when you called her and she didnt pick up, and you didnt hear back. I will bet you $100 that next time you call, she either wont pick up, or she will make another excuse why she cant go out on another date.
Author mickie Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Doubtful. Already knew the mother was in the hospital before the second date. Just did not know she was going into surgery until today.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Doubtful. Already knew the mother was in the hospital before the second date. Just did not know she was going into surgery until today. Ever consider that she said that her mom was in the hospital early on to prepare her just in case she had to bail on you later? I know you wont believe me until she blows you off again, or until another girl gives you the excuse after another date....I wouldnt count on her calling back if I were you.
Author mickie Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 (edited) Considering the intimate session we had at the end of the date and she saying I am looking forward to Saturday at the end of the date; I would think the fake out would be a weak argument. It makes no sense. Heck, I even know the hospital the mother is staying at. Also texting me again saying really enjoyed our date and see you Saturday! Kinda hard to see how she would make this up. Edited December 18, 2010 by mickie
soulm8 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 It's not clingy to shoot her a text. It would be smart to just reach out and ask something like, "How's your Mom doing?" AND allow her to reply before contacting her again. Don't jump on an opportunity to get a date... just show you care. Guys get friendzoned when they either come across as insensitive horn dogs or neutured dogs
Author mickie Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Perhaps sending her a text like the day after Christmas, next Sunday would be good. Just say I wanted to see how your father is doing. And leave it like that.
soulm8 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Perhaps sending her a text like the day after Christmas, next Sunday would be good. Just say I wanted to see how your father is doing. And leave it like that. Father? It's her mom they're concerned about, isn't it?
Author mickie Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Typed father instead of mother. Not thinking straight after what Eddie suggested may be happening.
soulm8 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Typed father instead of mother. Not thinking straight after what Eddie suggested may be happening. K... all I can say... is live your life. Give her the benefit of the doubt - not all women are evil. Just keep in mind that she MUST respond (respectfully) after each and every contact... otherwise you leave her alone.
xRJ85x Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Just dating, no bf/gf thing yet. She's a few years older than me too, 34. Not sure if that matters or not. Just don't want to look clingy or too nice. AKA friendzoned. Yea I know, I just meant it as an example. I'm sure girls are always looking early for "bf/husband qualities" in a man. Sending the text on Christmas would actually be pretty slick. Two birds with one stone: "Merry Christmas! I hope everything with your mom and family is much better?" As for what Eddie is saying, there's no doubt girls use excuses, but not only using a heart attack for a family member, but also using it preemptive to a second date as safety is ludicrous and insane. But after all our "jumping through hoops" discussion in the other thread (feel free to join in ), you gotta ALWAYS give the woman the benefit of the doubt, cuz you're just lacking confidence and being insecure if you give up so easily, especially to something like that.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I hope for Mickies sake that I am wrong, it's just that Ive been hearing people talk about that excuse alot lately, and I just want to put it in the back of his head. He can give her the benefit of the doubt, but as long as he sees both sides. After all the making out he did with this woman, she should be ok if her mom recovers. So he should get a call from her before xmas if shes really interested.
Author mickie Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 No doubt. I'll send that on Christmas eve and see what happens. I did leave on thing out. Most tell me it was not a big deal, but I guess I should as the board about this too. Since I thought the two dates went very well and a third was setup, the next day I called and left a message saying I wanted to see if she was up for something on New Years. I assumed, since it was only 2 weeks away, we had two successful dates in under a week, plus she said how much fun she was having with me and enjoy's my company, I thought it was worth a shot. Does anyone think this was held against me in anyway? While she did not respond to my message, she did respond the next day with several texts and updates on what's going on. I asked many of my female friends/co-workers, and they said they'd not make a story up like that just to ditch a date; especially after setup the third date, kissing, touching and stuff. Obviously, if I knew her mother was in surgery, I would not had called, but had no idea. I am sure, assuming this is true, I am sure anything with me was the farthest thing from her mind. I must had been on 9 first dates in the last three months. This one was the only one I really felt a connection with for me to not only ask for a second (and subsequently third date) in under a week. I would just hate to think I muffed it up by calling her and asking if she wanted to do something on New Years. Just to add, the night we discussed the third date, she even texted me good night, had a great time and looking forward in seeing you again. After the first date, she did not text after the date, but this one she did. So, I thought this was a good sign. I will not lie, this has been on my mind since Friday night.
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