SuitUpShelly Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 (edited) So like I stated in another thread, I am in the early stages of dating and my main fear (as in any budding relationship) is that I am infatuated with her. I don't want a relationship based on appearance. I'd rather have substance but in this case i might be as lucky as to get both. Is there a way I can test myself to tell whether I like her more because of her looks rather than her personality? I do really like going out with her, we always have something to talk about. I suppose it's still early to tell right now. EDIT: This doesn't relate much to the thread but I'm not sure what to do regarding this situation still; I am having a hotel party for new years even with a handful of my friends, I am unsure if I should invite her or not...Part of me wants to invite her for the sake of being polite. It would be more fun if she was there but I am not sure if we're ready for this yet... Edited December 17, 2010 by SuitUpShelly
Feelin Frisky Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Infatuation is falling in love with who you think someone is. And of course love, is falling in love with who that person really is. If you want to keep checking yourself to make that distinction, you'll have to interact with her much more and ask yourself does the dream wash with the reality. Most people are just so thrilled with the dream they don't even want to leave its wonder to get real that the other person's shi+ stinks too. Good luck.
Surrealist Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Yes it takes time to really love someone beyond infatuation in the early stages. There's nothing wrong with being infatuated as long as you keep a level head. The fact that you realise it is good. A lot of people don't and they confuse infatuation with love until such time the relationship crashes and burns. By realising that infatuation is not reality over the long-haul, the best you can do is seek to nurture the relationship and grow. Again determining compatibility beyond mere physical attraction takes time as you get to know each other. I was married for eight years so have some idea of the difference between the two. In fact, I still care about my ex a lot and have a lot to do with supporting her. Some may say that this shows that I still love her though I'm not 'in love' with her, and that would be true. I care about her wellbeing far beyond what I can get back out of it. It's just the marriage didn't work and we both realise that we rushed into it too early, but that's life you live and learn and I did learn some very valuable lessons from it, so certainly wasn't a waste.
Author SuitUpShelly Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Great feedback. Thanks! Any ideas on the edit regarding New Years?
Feelin Frisky Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Great feedback. Thanks! Any ideas on the edit regarding New Years? If you think there will be enough people and party atmosphere to make her feel like she's not under any kind of microscope and can enjoy the company, then invite her. All these steps and her responses and body language will tell you where to balance the dream with reality.
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