He broke my heart, ripped it out & stamped on it but.....I still love him.....

[hopeless4u]

I've not been around for a while, hit rock bottom a few times over the last year and still struggling...

 

It's been a year since DDay #1, 9 months since his W took the OD and 4 months since I last heard from him.

 

I shower, work, stay responsible for family, party, drink, shower and sleep, in that order. That is my life, my purpose, I am numb to any feelings of love, relationships, men...I have never felt such loneliness in my entire life.

 

I have days every now and then where I feel strong and think I can do this but as soon as something reminds me of him, which is pretty much everything my heart takes over and as soon as I'm alone it hurts just as much as the first day he broke my heart.

 

I really want to hate him but I just can't.

 

Why am I still in this place where I can't let him go??

[whichwayisup]

Is there a part of you that still has hope? That he'll come back to you? Maybe you hanging on and not allowing yourself to hate him, get angry, and accept that he isn't who you thought he was, IS holding you back from healing and moving on.

 

It's okay to have bad days, but you need to really push yourself, be active in your healing process.. If you really want to move on, do everything you need to do TO move on. Therapy, etc..

 

I hope you feel better H. Just know that you can get through this, even if it takes a while..

[hopeless4u]

Is there a part of you that still has hope? That he'll come back to you? Maybe you hanging on and not allowing yourself to hate him, get angry, and accept that he isn't who you thought he was, IS holding you back from healing and moving on.

 

It's okay to have bad days, but you need to really push yourself, be active in your healing process.. If you really want to move on, do everything you need to do TO move on. Therapy, etc..

 

I hope you feel better H. Just know that you can get through this, even if it takes a while..

 

WWIU, yes I'm sure there is still a part of me still holds on to hope. I try so hard to see things from my 'head' not my 'heart' and I do know what we had wasn't 'real' in his eyes but I loved him from my very soul as a friend and I think thats what I miss more than anything else.

I miss him so much, just sharing things with him that nobody else understood...

[whichwayisup]

WWIU, yes I'm sure there is still a part of me still holds on to hope. I try so hard to see things from my 'head' not my 'heart' and I do know what we had wasn't 'real' in his eyes but I loved him from my very soul as a friend and I think thats what I miss more than anything else.

I miss him so much, just sharing things with him that nobody else understood...

 

Okay sweetie... Love ya, but time for some tough love..

 

He isn't coming back. It's over and he's made his decision. You need to accept this so you can finally let go and let yourself truly grieve the loss, so your heart can heal, and so you can move on with your life. It'll take time and it'll be painful, but it'll be FINAL.

 

You don't want to be his OW. You don't want to be second fiddle.. He isn't divorcing his wife.

 

Yes you loved him, so much and it just shows how much love you have to give and share.. He wasted it and threw it away..im sure that hurts, deeply.

 

HE isn't worthy of your love, your care, your kind heart, your tears.

 

Trust me, once you work through this, one day you WILL look back and feel so strong, so happy and it wont matter what he did, didn't do, think or feel.

[Eddie Edirol]

just sharing things with him that nobody else understood...

 

Theres your problem that youre holding onto right there... Youve created a standard(s) in your head that you think no one else can live up to, but there are other people out there who will understand you. You just have to give them a chance. You have to look for them, they just dont fall in your lap. There are new guys that will be trustworthy.

[hopeless4u]

Okay sweetie... Love ya, but time for some tough love..

 

He isn't coming back. It's over and he's made his decision. You need to accept this so you can finally let go and let yourself truly grieve the loss, so your heart can heal, and so you can move on with your life. It'll take time and it'll be painful, but it'll be FINAL.

 

You don't want to be his OW. You don't want to be second fiddle.. He isn't divorcing his wife.

 

Yes you loved him, so much and it just shows how much love you have to give and share.. He wasted it and threw it away..im sure that hurts, deeply.

 

HE isn't worthy of your love, your care, your kind heart, your tears.

 

Trust me, once you work through this, one day you WILL look back and feel so strong, so happy and it wont matter what he did, didn't do, think or feel.

 

Thanks WWIU, you sound like my IC, she said to take the positive out of it and realise that I can now realise I can love someone like I loved my XH, maybe 3rd time lucky for me??

 

My heart can't take much more hurt, maybe thats why I hold back? It just seems less painful to shut all the emotional stuff out and work, family, party....my IC has told me this also...

 

I just feel I'm hitting meltdown again, 1yr to DDay #1 maybe?

[hopeless4u]

Theres your problem that youre holding onto right there... Youve created a standard(s) in your head that you think no one else can live up to, but there are other people out there who will understand you. You just have to give them a chance. You have to look for them, they just dont fall in your lap. There are new guys that will be trustworthy.

 

That is very true I guess. He was always very different to my 'kind of' guy. I always thought it was because I'd grown up and found someone who got 'me', maybe, just maybe there is someone out there who also gets 'me'......

 

Just need my heart to believe that:confused:

[BB07]

That is very true I guess. He was always very different to my 'kind of' guy. I always thought it was because I'd grown up and found someone who got 'me', maybe, just maybe there is someone out there who also gets 'me'......

 

Just need my heart to believe that:confused:

 

Maybe his broke parts got your broke parts and vice versa? It's not conscious but I do think it was a big factor for me. If you consider this as a possibility then it's not quite the same. It wasn't for me when I started looking at it like that and no I wasn't being delusional, just thinking clearer.

 

I don't want to be attracted to someone new or them me because of our mutual broken parts........I have to fix me. As fields so eloquently put it........my man picker is broken, maybe yours is broken too? He really wasn't all that if you look at it clear headed right?

[hopeless4u]

Maybe his broke parts got your broke parts and vice versa? It's not conscious but I do think it was a big factor for me. If you consider this as a possibility then it's not quite the same. It wasn't for me when I started looking at it like that and no I wasn't being delusional, just thinking clearer.

 

I don't want to be attracted to someone new or them me because of our mutual broken parts........I have to fix me. As fields so eloquently put it........my man picker is broken, maybe yours is broken too? He really wasn't all that if you look at it clear headed right?

 

I guess my problem is I 'liked' the person I was when I was with him and so did my friends/family.

I was the best I had been since my XH broke my heart. I was 'me' again...

 

Please don't get me wrong I would never be his OW but I just miss him so much as a friend and how much he believed in me in a professional sense. Work is so full on right now it would help me so much to have him there to tell me I am making the right choices.

[fooled once]

I've not been around for a while, hit rock bottom a few times over the last year and still struggling...

 

It's been a year since DDay #1, 9 months since his W took the OD and 4 months since I last heard from him.

 

I shower, work, stay responsible for family, party, drink, shower and sleep, in that order. That is my life, my purpose, I am numb to any feelings of love, relationships, men...I have never felt such loneliness in my entire life.

 

I have days every now and then where I feel strong and think I can do this but as soon as something reminds me of him, which is pretty much everything my heart takes over and as soon as I'm alone it hurts just as much as the first day he broke my heart.

 

I really want to hate him but I just can't.

 

Why am I still in this place where I can't let him go??

 

Oh honey (hugs) You know I care about you so much. But I have to agree with WWIU, I think you have been holding onto "hope"... hope that he will come back. Hope that things with him will work out.

 

Almost as if you are going through the motions of moving on, but in reality, your feet are moving, but they are standing in the same place and just going up and down.

 

 

Okay sweetie... Love ya, but time for some tough love..

 

He isn't coming back. It's over and he's made his decision. You need to accept this so you can finally let go and let yourself truly grieve the loss, so your heart can heal, and so you can move on with your life. It'll take time and it'll be painful, but it'll be FINAL.

 

You don't want to be his OW. You don't want to be second fiddle.. He isn't divorcing his wife.

 

Yes you loved him, so much and it just shows how much love you have to give and share.. He wasted it and threw it away..im sure that hurts, deeply.

 

HE isn't worthy of your love, your care, your kind heart, your tears.

 

Trust me, once you work through this, one day you WILL look back and feel so strong, so happy and it wont matter what he did, didn't do, think or feel.

 

I completely agree.

 

You my friend WILL BE the woman you should be -- but you have to - HAVE TO - put the past behind you. YOU HAVE TO truly MOVE forward.

 

That means saying good bye to him.

 

Taking down, throwing away any reminders of him. Pictures, gifts, etc. It is time to really and truly grieve it and let it go.

 

I want 2011 to be a NEW FANTASTIC year for you; but it won't be until you firmly END IT, in your head and in your heart.

 

He isn't worthy of you; he isn't good enough for you and he isn't deserving of you.

 

You don't have to hate him to let go; but you have to let go before it eats you alive and truly paralyzes you.

 

The right person is out there - waiting for you to let go so your heart will be ready to receive him.

 

((hugs))

[SunsetRed]

These men are hard to get over because they treat us differently than single guys do. During the dating process, they act like more like husbands to us than boyfriends. They know how to act like a husband, because DUH, they are someone's husband. Also, the break up is usually abrupt and comes with no warning, whereas a break up with a no attachment guy is easier to see coming.

 

It does suck. I'm where you are, going on 4 months since the break up. I'm doing better, but my heart still aches and my mind keeps going back to "why". I want answers and closure and I'll never get it.

[wheelwright]

I feel I have been through something similar. I am 18 mnths since DDay.

 

I had that loneliness etc. The split and the way the split happened hurt. Like nothing else. And that hurt went on.

 

I do find now I am me again. I can have fun as me. The hurt and loneliness are no longer salient. I still miss him, but there are other directions.

 

The level of hurt is just more normal. The numbness didn't become my life either.

 

I think people who can love deeply, can also recover and find new ways in life to give the love they need to share. And sometimes new people for that too.

 

I believe the loss of love is a true grief, and it takes time and more love to recover.

 

You have time, I wish for you the love you will need.

 

I felt after a year I might never get over it. Now I know I will - in a way that is worthwhile.