xomotoxgirlxo Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I need some advice! I have jealousy issues and I don't know if my boyfriend loves me! I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. Before me, he was dating this girl for 3 ½ years until she cheated and broke up with him. Then we started dating 2 weeks later. I have known him for about 3+ years because he is my brothers friend and we worked at the same place. When we first started dating he would always talk about her. Then a few months into the relationship I started seeing things, like pictures of them at his grandmas house, an old shoe box filled with things from her, naked pictures of her on his phone, pictures of her on his computer and even a pair of her underwear! He deleted the naked pictures right then and there when I found them and moved the shoe box into the attic. The pictures of her on his computer are still there even though I have told him several times to delete them. And with the underwear, well I found those monthssss ago and he STILL hasn't gotten rid of them (they are in the shoe box in the attic.) Because of all these circumstances I have acquired this huge amount of jealousy for his ex. I have never felt this way before about anyone and its just killing me inside. I have searched her on google, facebook and myspace. I know soooo much about her and its annoying! I know she has had a new boyfriend for the past year and her and my boyfriend haven't talked in almost a year (as far as I know.) His whole entire family says they like me way better and I am in his heart more than I think I am. But he is UNABLE to tell me he loves me. He has not said it once in a year and a half! I tell him I love him and he really doesn't say anything back. I have never been cheated on and I can only imagine what it feels like. I know he has a wall up because of it, but I don't think its fair to me. I guess I am very unsure about what to do about everything! I already know I seem very insecure and it's unattractive to him, but I feel like it stemmed from everything I have seen and heard. I don't know if I am making a big deal or not.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 You're a rebound and he still loves her. You're absolutely right to be jealous. You're not her, and never will be, and he's never had a chance to get over her. Leave now so you can find someone that does love you, as he never will. You're the easy piece ass to help distract him.
Author xomotoxgirlxo Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Even after a year and a half I could still be a rebound? My brother tells me the same thing and I guess its hard for me to see. Yes, he really didn't have enough time to get over her and I realize that. I guess I just feel like I have invested so much into him (more than I have for anyone else) and its hard to move on.
SuitUpShelly Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I wouldn't go as far to say that he will never love you but given the circumstances, he has not been able to properly cope with the former loss. I think the best thing to do is to take a break from each other and let him sort things out. Yes you have invested much time and effort in this relationship but the best thing right now is to step backwards and take a break before you continue to spend more time and effort on a possible lost cause. I think going further in this would only hurt both parties more. Hope that helps.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Even after a year and a half I could still be a rebound? My brother tells me the same thing and I guess its hard for me to see. Yes, he really didn't have enough time to get over her and I realize that. I guess I just feel like I have invested so much into him (more than I have for anyone else) and its hard to move on. You did invest too much into him, thinking you can be the one who makes him forget about her. But you didnt, it didnt work. he still holds a torch for her and you jumped in two weeks later. Youre still are a rebound and he still hasnt rebounded yet. He is a hopeless case for you, and you have to move on. Next time, dont invest in someone who talks about their ex, and since you know what the rebound signs are now, make sure you jump ship if you see these signs again. Do you really want to stay with someone with whom you have no place in their heart whatsoever?? After a year and a half????
Feelin Frisky Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Saying is not as important as showing. Does he really show that he LOVES you? Some of those left-over passions for someone else indicate otherwise I'm sorry to say. When people find new love in each other, it just ain't about anyone else. Real "being in love" is so powerful and so reflective of singular affection that it's very nature is about establishing that there is no one else that matters in this way. Perhaps he rushed into a relationship with you. I don't know how you break up with someone else you love and be sure you're so ready and considerate enough to land someone else in two weeks.
Author xomotoxgirlxo Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 All the responses make sense. I think I need to have a long talk with him and explain how I feel. Even these embarrassing jealousy issues regarding his ex. I feel like I need to give him an ultimatum and if he still can't say he loves me than its time to move on. The only time he really says how he feels about me is when hes drunk. I know peoples walls come down when they are drunk, but people also just say things to say things. Is it wrong to still ask for him to delete the pics and throw the underwear away?
SuitUpShelly Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hm..I'm not sure an ultimatum where he loves you or not is the best choice. I'm not the best person to advise on this but I think people vary on their feelings of love. Maybe he just isn't there on an emotional level yet. He should (I think) throw out any pictures or garments that belonged to a previous girlfriend. The refusal to do so would be a sign that he hasn't yet let go of the past. Good luck.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 All the responses make sense. I think I need to have a long talk with him and explain how I feel. Even these embarrassing jealousy issues regarding his ex. I feel like I need to give him an ultimatum and if he still can't say he loves me than its time to move on. The only time he really says how he feels about me is when hes drunk. I know peoples walls come down when they are drunk, but people also just say things to say things. Is it wrong to still ask for him to delete the pics and throw the underwear away? Asking him to do it wont make him WANT to do it. If he doesnt want to toss the pics and underwear, then youre in trouble. he could still just hide the stuff someplace else.
Author xomotoxgirlxo Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Yeah the ultimatum probably isn't the greatest idea. I just feel like I have to go to extremes now. I will just leave it at the pics and underwear and if he is willing to throw them away (in front of me!) if not, then thats all I need to know to make my up mind about taking a break. And hes still hung up on his dumb ex.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Yeah the ultimatum probably isn't the greatest idea. I just feel like I have to go to extremes now. I will just leave it at the pics and underwear and if he is willing to throw them away (in front of me!) if not, then thats all I need to know to make my up mind about taking a break. And hes still hung up on his dumb ex. The most extreme thing you can do is walk away. He has to realize what he's lost, if he even realizes it. And you have to stay sane, just cut him off.
Author xomotoxgirlxo Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 What I don't understand is why you wouldn't be able to get over someone who cheated on you. Obviously their relationship wasn't that great if she felt like she needed to cheat on him. They started dating in 8th grade (if thats even called dating that young) and she dumped him for his best friend. That only lasted like a year and my boyfriend and her started dating again when they were sophomores. I didn't start dating till after HS and I feel like this is some stupid HS relationship and I am 22! ....hes going to turn 21 in Feb.
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