I'm seriously not doing well

[curiousnycgirl]

I know exactly how you are feeling, my year seems to have gone to pot as well!! Weird, one of my horses broke her leg too in February! She's well mended now and has just had her first run back:), ?!

 

Oh please, please tell me you are speaking euphemimistically when you say just - I actually got all excited this morning I scheduled the vet to come out to re-xray in the hope that we can let him out for a real run in the paddock for christmas (it's all this little jewish girl wants for christmas this sabbath!!!). I've promised everyone at the barn they can be there when I let him out for the first time - as long as they get there on time!

 

What bone did your girl break? How long was she laid up? What course of treatment did you follow? We can take this PM if you wish - but I'm stunned to find someone else here who's gone through this so recently.

 

My guy shattered his splint bone just below the hock - too high to operate immediately, but we figured we'd need to pull out any bone that did not have blood supply and did not calcify during the healing process. Stuningly that didn't seem to happen - so we've had a very LOOOONGGG wait. He's been in standing wraps and on stall rest since early June, and I began hang grazing in October, tranquilizing him and polo wrapping him to let him out for 10 minutes under controlled circumstances for about 4 weeks. To say he's a nutcase would be an understatement. But he's worse when I'm there, much calmer when I'm not - so it's hard, I want to be there - but it's not good for him, GRRRRR!!!!

 

 

the recession is taking a toll on business dramatically, i've had a lot of bad luck this year also.

It sounds as if everything has just happened at the same time and it's really got on top of you. Hang on in there, you're doing a great job!

This time of year makes it harder too. Winter, Christmas, all takes it's toll. I guess the best thing to do is to just take each day as it comes. Don't look too far ahead. I find it difficult to talk to friends about it in real life because i don't want to burden them with my problems, and i know what you mean when you say you don't feel anyone notices when you're hurting inside. I think people just don't notice because they see you as the strong one, not because they mean to not care, if that makes any sense?!

 

Yes it makes sense. People really are just caught up in their own thing. What I can't understand is how come I know what to do for them when they need it, but they never know what to do for me?

 

As I said earlier I'm just taking it one step at a time, I'm am 100% certain if I get my horse all healed up and the professional side squared away, the rest will be fine. I really don't think I need a man anymore - been there done that. There really are better or at least other rewarding and wonderful things to focus on.

 

AND all my wonderful friends both here and IRL. SO in case I forget - THANK YOU ALL.

 

now please tell me about your mare.

Edited December 20, 2010 by curiousnycgirl

[catgotyourtongue]

Hi

I am so sorry to hear of your pain, sadness. It is a lot, you have a lot on your plate. When things hit rock rock bottom, usually is when people find some ounce of strength, something, to come back to life. here are just a few thoughts, as i have been at deaths door way too many times between health and other issues, i have hit rock bottom many times.

 

1. Give yourself a break.

2. Keep posting

3. Stay in therapy, it often gets harder because u are processing so much pain, but it does get better

4. Stay in touch with at least one or two people you trust, and dont totally hibernate

5. Find something that you still do care abt, (your horse) etc and give that thing your attention, time and be in the moment

6. Find something that brings you joy, maybe a song, a beatiful meditation (online they have a lot) and agree to try and be happy and in tune with that thing just for a minute, maybe two, then maybe 5

7. Suffering does not need to be 24/7. Even at the lowest points, take a 10 minute breather. You can always go back to suffering, and crying and anger or pain anytime u want, it's there. SO u can choose to leave it for at least a few minutes. Dont torture yourself.

11. My thing was, i told myself that when things seemed horrid and unbearable, i would pull up a good jazz song online and just be with it, and not think abt 100 other horrid things, just for 3 mins. It did help

12. Celebrate your strength, u are in therapy, way to go, u are alive, u are doing it. U are reaching out here, pat yourself on back

 

BE good to you and know that it will eventually get better...u are stronger than u think....stay online and learn from others, it helps

god bless

hang in there

[catgotyourtongue]

Hi

3. Stay in therapy, it often gets harder because u are processing so much pain, but it does get better

4. Stay in touch with at least one or two people you trust, and dont totally hibernate

5. Find something that you still do care abt, (your horse) etc and give that thing your attention, time and be in the moment

6. Find something that brings you joy, maybe a song, a beatiful meditation (online they have a lot) and agree to try and be happy and in tune with that thing just for a minute, maybe two, then maybe 5

7. Suffering does not need to be 24/7. Even at the lowest points, take a 10 minute breather. You can always go back to suffering, and crying and anger or pain anytime u want, it's there. SO u can choose to leave it for at least a few minutes. Dont torture yourself.

 

DOH SORRY I left out 8 and 9

 

8. LAUGH at yourself

9. Find a stupid silly funny video on you tube that makes u laugh, and pull it up every now and then, it will help for a second.

[curiousnycgirl]

I know exactly how you are feeling, my year seems to have gone to pot as well!! Weird, one of my horses broke her leg too in February! She's well mended now and has just had her first run back:), the recession is taking a toll on business dramatically, i've had a lot of bad luck this year also.

It sounds as if everything has just happened at the same time and it's really got on top of you. Hang on in there, you're doing a great job!

This time of year makes it harder too. Winter, Christmas, all takes it's toll. I guess the best thing to do is to just take each day as it comes. Don't look too far ahead. I find it difficult to talk to friends about it in real life because i don't want to burden them with my problems, and i know what you mean when you say you don't feel anyone notices when you're hurting inside. I think people just don't notice because they see you as the strong one, not because they mean to not care, if that makes any sense?!

 

Thanks Cat - I truly and honestly wish so many good people did not know exactly how I feel - I've got to tell you this feeling SUX! I hate it - but I keep telling myself I got myself here, and I'll get myself out! This too shall pass.

 

I indeed need to find something funny and wonderful to watch on the TV - if only to take ownership of my stupidy huge movie theater sized room. It was actually the room in my house designated as my ex's room. He wanted the 4 foot by 8 foot screen - I find it to be completely obnoxious (other than American football and hockey of course) - it's been sitting unused since his departure.

 

I'll add a "todo" to my list to pick up some movies and use that room.

 

Thanks!

[catgotyourtongue]

I indeed need to find something funny and wonderful to watch on the TV - if only to take ownership of my stupidy huge movie theater sized room. I'll add a "todo" to my list to pick up some movies and use that room.

Thanks!

 

May I suggest:

 

Watching old Seinfled reruns or if u are up late at night, I catch them at 11:00 pm regular tv, no cable.

 

OR if u really want a laugh, and you are an animal person, rent BEST IN SHOW, u can't not laugh.

 

Laugh when u can, cry when you must, and find people who care, you will weed out those that dont and do, and good people will rise to the top...if not f* them and just stay here for hugs and encouragement.

 

I can so so so related to what you post abt being giving and loving and how selfish or unaware others are, or that u cant find people that share your giving nature. AMEN SISTA' I get that.

 

((HUGS))

[threebyfate]

 

Actually they were 13 minutes away from giving it to me in writing - they had only told me the date verbally to be "good guys." So good point, however their policy does give them the right to change the date after notification in writing.

 

Unless there is a class ation, we are all stuffed - noone wants to take the case. Truth is in this market, most people are thrilled to still be getting a pay check. As my shrink just told me I need to be happy about this too - so I'm putting on my smiley face.

Okay, that makes sense. Too bad you didn't get it in writing. You could personally have alterred the notice in some way to make the layoff date irrevocable. Done this in contracts and agreements by crossing out clauses and initialling them or adding caveats, making the other side initial as well.

[sammyd]

Hi again:)

 

Well, my little mare (i say mine now, at the time she broke her leg she was an owners). She was my first race winner as a thoroughbred trainer. She broke her radius, just above the knee in a race. It was a slab fracture. The vets hadn't seen anything like it before, and gave a very guarded prognosis, in fact the first vet that came out said she'd put her down there and then (she couldn't put any weight on it when they came to xray). The owners said they wanted to put her down due to finances and the cost of operations/treatment. I said, give her til after the weekend, just to see if there was any improvement. If she could put her foot to the floor on the Monday (bearing in mind this was a Saturday morning!), then i'd see how to go ahead.

Well, the little mare had painkillers on the Saturday morning, and put her foot down pretty much straight away (no surprise there), however, she didn't have any more painkillers after that a) because it had to be seen whether she was able at all to bear weight(even a little), and b) this was a fit racehorse, and i didn't want her getting fresh and leaping around the box if she couldn't feel anything. Sooooooo, Sunday came, and went, foot on the floor, (due to the previous day's painkillers) and Monday morning i walked into the barn, expecting the worst, and there she was, lame clearly, but . . . weight bearing:).

That was enough for me:) I asked the owners if i could have her, seeing as they didn't want the burden of the cost, and they gave her to me.

The main worry was the fracture would displace. So, i kept her off the painkillers (for the above reasons), so she didn't jump around the box. She had only a month box rest, and was then on the walker for 2 months (at first with a touch of sedative) before being ridden. It was a worry the first time she got down to roll, and such a relief when you could see she was able to get back up again:). But the break healed really well. The vets thought if it did heal, she may be permanently lame, or there may be too much calcification. They just didn't know how exactly it would heal, but it has healed amazingly. Just a slight swelling where the fracture was, and occasionally a bit of heat (i've been told this is normal). It took a few months to get her race fit again. Probably me being over cautious to a certain extent, and making sure all the boxes were ticked fitness wise, to make sure the leg could handle it. Fractures actually heal better than tendons, they heal harder, and faster. I know a lot of racehorses have fractures and recover to race again, so for a riding horse , i would be very hopeful, depending of course on the fracture. But, don't give up hope:)

This little mare is so dear to me now, and like i said, has just started back on the track, she moves better than ever before, loves her work, and i'm so glad i gave her the chance instead of listening to the first vet:)

So, try and just take each day as it comes. Horses are remarkably adaptable, and actually adapt to situations like box rest much better than we think! It won't be too long before your horse will be able to go out with any luck:)

I wish u and your horse the very best:)

[curiousnycgirl]

Sammyd I'm stunned - I'm trying to imagine the fracture your horse had - and I'm challenged, but so very glad that she's doing so well. My guy has been on stall rest (or box rest as you call it) for nearly 7 month!!!! I only started hand walking him for about an hour a day in mid October. While he's not a race horse, he is a very high energy guy for a 12 year old hunter/jumper.

 

Thankfully he is also a lap horse - or at least thinks he is - and eats up attention, so I've been doing my darndest to get out there at least twice a day (who needs sleep) and have been paying a teenager who loves horses and lives next door to spend time with him too.

 

I understand the concern about dislodging the broken bits - that's why we've been wrapping his legs 2X a day, keeping him on half grain (to reduce his energey level) and praying a lot.

 

I must admit so far the vets are amazed at how well he's healed and that all the shattered bone fragments appear to have had blood supply - it looks like we avoided surgery entirely. The location of the break made us very afraid of damaging the tendon should we have to operate.

 

I am truly praying that my guy can finally go out, like your mare, this weekened. I too plan to be overly cautious in bringing him back to work - but will be so very grateful to see him running and happy again.

[sammyd]

Hope your boy will be able to go out too! Keep us posted:)

It sounds like it's healed well. Bone tends to heal better, so with any luck, you're well past the worst of it:)

[curiousnycgirl]

Hope your boy will be able to go out too! Keep us posted:)

It sounds like it's healed well. Bone tends to heal better, so with any luck, you're well past the worst of it:)

 

Your mouth to G-'d ear - I am on pins and needs waiting for tomorrow to find out! Trust me I will let EVERYONE know if the news is good, if it is bad I am very afraid it will send me in quite a tailspin. But I am not thinking that way.

[curiousnycgirl]

Just wanted to update everyone that the xrays today showed a very well healed bone - I could not have been more overjoyed had it bee my own bone! Today for the first time in 7 months my horse was allowed out to play!!!! He was an absolute nut job despite 2 doses of tranquilizer, and it was a joy to behold!

 

Have a good night everyone.

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny:

:bunny::bunny::bunny:

:bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

(that's a 21 bunny salute for those who didn't know )

[IfiKnewThen]

Praise God that this innocent creature was healed

[Ariadne]

Today for the first time in 7 months my horse was allowed out to play!!!!

 

Alright!!!

 

Good job curiousnycgirl!

 

Congrats to lap horse!

[anne1707]

That's wonderful news - you two will have a lot of catching up to do

 

:bunny::bunny:

[curiousnycgirl]

No joke Anne - we've got lots of wonderful work ahead of us. It was too funny - I asked someone to let him out, so I could be outside with my phone to take a picture (forgot my camera) believe it or not, he just trotted a straight line to me, to nuzzle his nose in my tummy. Of course once he realized he wasn't attached to a lead he went wild. It was scary and wonderful to watch. I put a pile of hay out to try to get him to stop and at first he just jumped that 3 or 4 times - eventually he remembered he is 12 and not 2 anymore!

 

Now for my personal scariness - this is the first time I really want to contact the ex to tell him the news. The injury really derailed our lives this past summer and I know if it were me I'd want to know that he had healed, but then again if it were me, I would not have been on match.com - oops that's right I wasn't!

 

So do I just send him an email? A text? Do I swallow the desire to do so? So far I have not done it, although I've started the text about 42 times.

[curiousnycgirl]

Alright!!!

 

Good job curiousnycgirl!

 

Congrats to lap horse!

 

Ariadne - you are too cute, from here on out he will be known as Laphorse on this board. Thank you!

[Ariadne]

So do I just send him an email? A text? Do I swallow the desire to do so? So far I have not done it, although I've started the text about 42 times.

 

If you want to write just write!

 

Life is only one! Celebrate!

[curiousnycgirl]

If you want to write just write!

 

Life is only one! Celebrate!

 

Typically I would agree, however he is a toxic liar. After 6 years of other people telling me that - I finally discovered that it was true. So while I always try to treat others as I would want to be treated, I really don't know how to treat him. If I write him, would he see it as my opening the door a crack? Would I be doing so? I don't want to be.

 

I know I am still weak - I wish I weren't but I know I am and I know I must protect myself because the truth of the matter is he is evil - only someone evil would do what he did to me.

 

I guess the bottom line is I am so happy at this wonderful bit of news that I would love to be able to share it with him, but I am too afraid to tell him.

 

Does that make sense?

[Ariadne]

I would love to be able to share it with him, but I am too afraid to tell him.

 

Does that make sense?

 

(A big girl like that so afraid).

 

Plus he probably didn't find anyone in the match.

 

Things are as big as you make them.

[curiousnycgirl]

(A big girl like that so afraid).

 

Plus he probably didn't find anyone in the match.

 

Things are as big as you make them.

 

Good point, I've made em pretty freaking huge.

[Ariadne]

Good point, I've made em pretty freaking huge.

 

Well, huge is that lap horse is running!

 

Wheeeeee!!!

[VeveCakes]

Hugs from one horse owner to another! It takes a horse person to understand how devastating it can be to be in the injury and recovery stage. Glad to hear the stall rest is almost over. One of my guys broke his coffin bone last spring. He was on stall rest for 6 months then just turn out for 6 months. He is finally SOUND...I'm going to wait another few months before I start working him again just to be sure. Patience is the key with these things.

 

Do you post on CoTH at all? Lots of good horse advice and support there. You also might wanna check out this blog called GoGo Fatale, adventures of a barefoot event horse. Her horse is also in recovery.

[sammyd]

Just read your news!! YAYYYYYYYYY!!! That's brilliant:) Has made my day:). Hope laphorse is fine after his hoolying!! haha!

Congratulations:laugh:

[sammyd]

PS What you've said previously about your ex, i'd be wary of contacting him again. What do you think you'll achieve by telling him?

New Year, New start and all that:) Looks like New Year's just come early for you!!

[curiousnycgirl]

Spent the day at the barn watching Laphorse NOT be lame after yesterday's antics - and watched a repeat of them today. He is having a merry old time of it and it is arming my heart. Took a bunch of conference calls - work certainly does get in the way of life ooesn't it?!

 

In the end I did text the ex - I simply wrote "Thought you might want to know (because I would I guess) that Laphorse's leg is finally healed" So far no response - which is a good thing because I did what I thought was right, and it appears no harm has been done.

 

Overall a very good day indeed.

 

Now off to prepare for the company I have coming.

 

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate, Good Shabbos to all us "chosen people" (don't blame me I didn't come up with that) and a good whatever you are doing to everyone else.

 

I'll post later.