young&inlove Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I am not sure what to do about this. My husband and I have been married for two years now. We both work very hard as we each have 2 jobs. I am a part time nanny and for the last month or so, I have had to least elsewhere on and off to watch kids, leaving my husband at home. For the last year or so, my husband has been telling me things that he will do and then they never happen. For example: None of his friends have cars so we are the drivers, (don’t even get me started on that one!) so the other day he went to go pick his friend up and bring him back to our house. I had to leave for work as soon as he got home. I asked him to bring me food home. He told me to keep my phone by me for when he calls to tell him my order. Then he showed up home without any food. It’s irritating really. We are really really tight on money and still have to get gifts for our families. We have been trying to save as much as we can. Last night the hubs called me while I was at work and told me he needed my credit card number to get a Christmas present and it was a surprise/secret. I thought to myself that this is great! He is taking the initiative to figure a gift out and buy it. About a half hour later I called to see what was going on, he told me he was waiting for an Xbox game to download.... Meaning he bought himself a game instead of saving the money. Other things like he is going to stay home by himself and not have anyone come over, then I call an hour later and all his buds are over there drinking. These are just a TINY amount of the things that happens. I don’t know what to do. I get really frustrated about it. I have explained to him a number of times that I want the truth and to not make me any promises. He tells me ok then it will happen again the next day. To me, if someone says one thing then something else happens, that’s breaking a promise... Am I just being to hard? I know I should stop expecting things but when I am told it will happen what should I think? Help....
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I am not sure what to do about this. My husband and I have been married for two years now. We both work very hard as we each have 2 jobs. I am a part time nanny and for the last month or so, I have had to least elsewhere on and off to watch kids, leaving my husband at home. For the last year or so, my husband has been telling me things that he will do and then they never happen. For example: None of his friends have cars so we are the drivers, (don’t even get me started on that one!) so the other day he went to go pick his friend up and bring him back to our house. I had to leave for work as soon as he got home. I asked him to bring me food home. He told me to keep my phone by me for when he calls to tell him my order. Then he showed up home without any food. It’s irritating really. We are really really tight on money and still have to get gifts for our families. We have been trying to save as much as we can. Last night the hubs called me while I was at work and told me he needed my credit card number to get a Christmas present and it was a surprise/secret. I thought to myself that this is great! He is taking the initiative to figure a gift out and buy it. About a half hour later I called to see what was going on, he told me he was waiting for an Xbox game to download.... Meaning he bought himself a game instead of saving the money. Other things like he is going to stay home by himself and not have anyone come over, then I call an hour later and all his buds are over there drinking. These are just a TINY amount of the things that happens. I don’t know what to do. I get really frustrated about it. I have explained to him a number of times that I want the truth and to not make me any promises. He tells me ok then it will happen again the next day. To me, if someone says one thing then something else happens, that’s breaking a promise... Am I just being to hard? I know I should stop expecting things but when I am told it will happen what should I think? Help.... Nope and never! This is the same man that cheated on you with your best friend correct? There is so many things undeniably wrong with all this and I don't understand how and or why you put up with any of it. Don't get me wrong...I'm a BS as well...but this guy is continouslly pushing your limits. And NO kids! Sheesh girl...what gives? What makes this man so special? What would EVER make you want to have kids with this Big Kid himself? What has he done to show you things have changed in your relationship since his infedility? I don't understand why or how...or anything about why you think your being to hard? Hard would be getting home...kicking his loser ass friend outta the house...then kicking his loser ass out too!
TigerCub Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I am not sure what to do about this. My husband and I have been married for two years now. We both work very hard as we each have 2 jobs. I am a part time nanny and for the last month or so, I have had to least elsewhere on and off to watch kids, leaving my husband at home. For the last year or so, my husband has been telling me things that he will do and then they never happen. For example: None of his friends have cars so we are the drivers, (don’t even get me started on that one!) so the other day he went to go pick his friend up and bring him back to our house. I had to leave for work as soon as he got home. I asked him to bring me food home. He told me to keep my phone by me for when he calls to tell him my order. Then he showed up home without any food. It’s irritating really. I'm just wondering why you didn't text him or call him and say something like "here's my food order" He may have forgotten - and yes, that's crappy (no doubt about that) - but it happens. Why didn't you just call? We are really really tight on money and still have to get gifts for our families. We have been trying to save as much as we can. Last night the hubs called me while I was at work and told me he needed my credit card number to get a Christmas present and it was a surprise/secret. I thought to myself that this is great! He is taking the initiative to figure a gift out and buy it. About a half hour later I called to see what was going on, he told me he was waiting for an Xbox game to download.... Meaning he bought himself a game instead of saving the money. I understand being tight on money and all - but maybe the xBox game was gift to himself. Are you just disappointed that it didn't turn out to be a gift for you? I mean, YES he was shady about how he went about it - and that's really not cool - but I personally don't see it as the end of the world. Other things like he is going to stay home by himself and not have anyone come over, then I call an hour later and all his buds are over there drinking. But this one I don't see as a broken promise It was just a change of plans. Was it so important that he keep a promise to be all by himself at home, that he can't have a buddy or 2 over? These are just a TINY amount of the things that happens. I don’t know what to do. I get really frustrated about it. I have explained to him a number of times that I want the truth and to not make me any promises. He tells me ok then it will happen again the next day. To me, if someone says one thing then something else happens, that’s breaking a promise... Am I just being to hard? I know I should stop expecting things but when I am told it will happen what should I think? Help.... The above are what I'd normally say to anyone asking your question, then I read another poster mentioning that he cheated on you before. I think that maybe you're taking the fact that sometimes he's giving you the impression that he's doing something and then does another too personally because of the past infidelities. I'm no expert, but I do think that if there were no past issues of distrust, you probably wouldn't feel so disappointed when faced with most of the examples you mentioned above - you might have taken them as "change of plans" or "he's wasting money on a game and that sucks, but its not the end of the world" but because there are issues with not trusting him (where his lies caused you a LOT of real pain), that now anytime plans change or something happens that you didn't know he'd do - you take much more personally. That's just my $0.02 Sorry you're so frustrated
Author young&inlove Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 I'm just wondering why you didn't text him or call him and say something like "here's my food order" He may have forgotten - and yes, that's crappy (no doubt about that) - but it happens. Why didn't you just call? I understand being tight on money and all - but maybe the xBox game was gift to himself. Are you just disappointed that it didn't turn out to be a gift for you? I mean, YES he was shady about how he went about it - and that's really not cool - but I personally don't see it as the end of the world. But this one I don't see as a broken promise It was just a change of plans. Was it so important that he keep a promise to be all by himself at home, that he can't have a buddy or 2 over? The above are what I'd normally say to anyone asking your question, then I read another poster mentioning that he cheated on you before. I think that maybe you're taking the fact that sometimes he's giving you the impression that he's doing something and then does another too personally because of the past infidelities. I'm no expert, but I do think that if there were no past issues of distrust, you probably wouldn't feel so disappointed when faced with most of the examples you mentioned above - you might have taken them as "change of plans" or "he's wasting money on a game and that sucks, but its not the end of the world" but because there are issues with not trusting him (where his lies caused you a LOT of real pain), that now anytime plans change or something happens that you didn't know he'd do - you take much more personally. That's just my $0.02 Sorry you're so frustrated You know that makes a ton of sense. I don’t like being told one thing then seeing something else. Maybe I am just worried. I see what you mean about the game. He does deserve something. I just thought it was something other then what it was for. (haha and no I didn’t think it was for me... Well maybe a little. ) The only thing I can’t stand about his friends is, they are ALWAYS over. Every night. No joke. Not an exaggeration. It drives me nuts man. I don’t have any friends so I get really jealous that he has so many that want to hang out with him. If it is just us alone, his phone is going off the hook! It’s not from girls or anything, I know. I have snooped plenty. Also, as for not calling him to tell him what I wanted, I guess I just wanted him to think of me instead of me having to remind him. I feel like I have to remind him that he has a wife all the time. Maybe not even a wife. More like the tag-along little sister. PortuguesePrincess80 - Well, I love him and he works really hard for us. I know he does. I know he loves me and I love him. Some days I want to leave but maybe for the simple fact that I am scared? I don’t know what my parents or friends will think? I don’t want to be "that couple". The couple that is was too young to get married and then got a divorce...
TigerCub Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 You know that makes a ton of sense. I don’t like being told one thing then seeing something else. Maybe I am just worried. I see what you mean about the game. He does deserve something. I just thought it was something other then what it was for. (haha and no I didn’t think it was for me... Well maybe a little. ) hehe, and if he was smart - it would have been for you!! oh well, hopefully next time he'll get it right The only thing I can’t stand about his friends is, they are ALWAYS over. Every night. No joke. Not an exaggeration. It drives me nuts man. I don’t have any friends so I get really jealous that he has so many that want to hang out with him. If it is just us alone, his phone is going off the hook! It’s not from girls or anything, I know. I have snooped plenty. I can certainly understand being frustrated with that. The part in bold is sooooooooo not cool. I think you guys need to have a rule about phones being off if you guys are just enjoying each other's company at home. I can imagine that it would be annoying to have his friends there most of the time, and then have them calling him with updates the rest of the time they're not there I'm sure there is something you guys can work out with regards to phones being off during alone time. Also, as for not calling him to tell him what I wanted, I guess I just wanted him to think of me instead of me having to remind him. Totally understand that - it is nice when the guy is attentive and shows that he's thinking of you - totally get it. But we're human, sometimes we forget.... I feel like I have to remind him that he has a wife all the time. Maybe not even a wife. More like the tag-along little sister. This part really concerns me. I don't think anyone wants to feel that way in a relationship. I don't think its cool if he makes you feel that way. I don't know your story, but have you tried talking to him about what you expect, what would make you happy, how he makes you feel? PortuguesePrincess80 - Well, I love him and he works really hard for us. I know he does. I know he loves me and I love him. Some days I want to leave but maybe for the simple fact that I am scared? I don’t know what my parents or friends will think? I don’t want to be "that couple". The couple that is was too young to get married and then got a divorce... Hon, this makes me really sad for you. Don't trap yourself in a relationship just because you're worried about what people would say if you left. I understand that you love him, but if you have put up with infidelity and are pretty much staying with him because you don't want to be "that couple" I would think that's very unfortunate. I'd hate for you to one day realize that you wasted your life being trapped in a relationship that doesn't make you happy simply because you were concerned about maintaining a certain image. Again - I don't know your story, and if I'm out of line by saying some things, or if I wrongly assumed anything, I apologize. I just hope you find your happiness. But yeah in terms of what your original post was about - I didn't think all those things were so bad. But maybe you guys need to have a chat about alone time, and making time for one another.
Recommended Posts