ItsNeverForever Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t257361/ I needed his help today with a Christmas purchase I'm making for my kiddo, as he is my best and favoritest and most reliable sage on this subject (our shared hobby that our kids share, too). I emailed him, figuring he probably wouldn't respond, as he normally doesn't. But he replied right away with great suggestions on this purchase, and advice that I would not have thought of myself, so I'm really glad I sought his assistance. The communication was pretty straightforward and benign, no sweet/flirty talk. Not that I don't wish for it, but it's honestly best right now that we forego that stuff (that's part of what we texted about last weekend, when he intimated that he wasn't sure I realized that this is also hard on him, that he's really struggling...and that whole text conversation that endeared me to him even more). But then the really weird thing happened (with someone I haven't spoken to for the most part in 5-1/2 years, and the realization that my world really is that small), a weird thing diretly connected to him that I never would have imagined in a hundred thousand bajillion years. So I HAD to tell him! I texted and told him to call me after work, and he replied, saying to call him at his desk. It was odd, he has never talked to me while at work. While I have always had his desk number, it never occurred to me to use it, even though he's called me at work many times. I thought it odd. I wondered if maybe he was "heading me off at the pass", so as not to talk to me as he was arriving home or something. Home, where she is (or isn't?) - I had asked him what he was doing tonight, and he replied that he was doing the same old thing as always, same old routine - feed kid, bathe kid, play with kid, put kid to bed, read book, go to sleep. "that's pretty much the extent of my life lately", he said. I assume this means that she is off working (she travels frequently). Since she started this job 6 weeks ago, he had been so relieved that she would be gone a lot and he wouldn't have her miserableness bringing him down - he'd actually have his home to himself, etc. But during the whole conversation, he sounded so miserable and dejected - NOT the person I know who is always so lustrous and positive. it worried me a bit... At one point I told him I miss him, and he responded in kind, in the saddest voice ever. Later in the convo, I had actually made him laugh, and I told him that I miss laughing with him, he replied same, and I asked him if we would ever laugh together again someday...he said "maybe"...I said, "maybe someday?", to which he replied in an even more dejected voice, "I sure hope so." MAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN...what has happened to my beautiful stoic? I've never heard him sound like this. Anyway, there were a couple more instances like that, and I'm concerned. And I know I'm not supposed to be, bc he made his d**ned bed, and he should be miserable lying in it - the idea would be he'd gain motivation to change his situation, right? But he sounded so hopeless and resigned. I do realize it's as hard on him as it is me - especially since I'M the one with FREEDOM - and he had told me over the weekend that he's trying so hard not to focus on missing me, on the sadness of our being apart. But he can't even pretend to be ok now. I wonder if he thinks that since I'm not blowing up his phone and begging him back, that I'm done and over him. SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH. So anyway, I know it's not rational, but I've been sad since we hung up. I'm a fixer. I want to fix everything. And it rips me apart to know he's soo sad and broken. His own doing, but sad nonetheless. I'm wondering if this LC is just too much to take and we should switch to NC. I've been getting better so quickly, and LC clearly isn't negatively affecting me as much as it is him. And I'm seriously considering completely cutting all ties unless & until BabyMama is completely gone from his life, other than mothering their son of course. I don't want to keep talking to him when he's swirling into the abyss - I know I shouldn't care, but he suffers enough at home as it is. And when our conversations come so few and far between, I just refuse to not speak my feelings. I need to express them to him. But if it's hurting him, I do care enough to want to cut it out completely. I don't know, now I feel like I'm rambling. Maybe I just needed to get it out of my head. Sorry if I sound like a nonsensical idiot. WHAT THE HELICOPTER AM I DOING??????????????? I was doing so well, and now I'm backpeddling. I just read again this ridiculousness I posted late last night, and holy cow, I can't believe I'm saying/thinking/feeling these things. Re: the bolded items above - OF COURSE it's best to forego, and forego ALL of it! Right back to wondering, speculating, assuming...what the hell for? He's hopeless...DUH, you stupid woman...that's the million-dollar clue right there. How quickly I forgot that he is stuck in HELL and I am FREE AS A BIRD. One little phone call, and I was back to feeling sorry for someone who refuses to help himself...really? Gawdammit, I'm so mad at myself. When did I start compromising my straight up, no BS nature? I don't tolerate it with any of my friends or family...scheisse, I divorced my retarded ex-husband 10 years ago in the blink of an eye, without even looking HALFway back, because his life was an absolute train wreck and he refused make any changes or get help. He was miserable with the state of his life, but not miserable enough to make him want to change it. Honestly, I didn't make these kinds of concessions in the beginning of this current R, what happened that changed - scratch - removed all my sensibility? When did this happen? And my last bolded sentence above speaks for itself. I DON'T WANT TO. So, I guess I just won't then. I can't respect a JACKASS.
jthorne Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I DON'T WANT TO. So, I guess I just won't then. I can't respect a JACKASS.Good girl.
Hazyhead Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t257361/ WHAT THE HELICOPTER AM I DOING??????????????? I was doing so well, and now I'm backpeddling. I just read again this ridiculousness I posted late last night, and holy cow, I can't believe I'm saying/thinking/feeling these things. Re: the bolded items above - OF COURSE it's best to forego, and forego ALL of it! Right back to wondering, speculating, assuming...what the hell for? He's hopeless...DUH, you stupid woman...that's the million-dollar clue right there. How quickly I forgot that he is stuck in HELL and I am FREE AS A BIRD. One little phone call, and I was back to feeling sorry for someone who refuses to help himself...really? Gawdammit, I'm so mad at myself. When did I start compromising my straight up, no BS nature? I don't tolerate it with any of my friends or family...scheisse, I divorced my retarded ex-husband 10 years ago in the blink of an eye, without even looking HALFway back, because his life was an absolute train wreck and he refused make any changes or get help. He was miserable with the state of his life, but not miserable enough to make him want to change it. Honestly, I didn't make these kinds of concessions in the beginning of this current R, what happened that changed - scratch - removed all my sensibility? When did this happen? And my last bolded sentence above speaks for itself. I DON'T WANT TO. So, I guess I just won't then. I can't respect a JACKASS. That's the thing, the affair and the needy man slowly pick away at your strength and independence. Who needs a guy that does that? Better of without. You have your control back
oxfordsocks Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I guess icould have put my response to the thread "when does it end?" on here to!!! I wish i could take a pill and just make it all go away
blinded_27 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Oh well shoot I just posted in your other thread and saw this one after... hahhah.. well it looks like you've come to a realization... and good for you!!!!! Don't let history repeat itself. "That's the thing, the affair and the needy man slowly pick away at your strength and independence. Who needs a guy that does that?" I like this statement.
Confused4Now Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 (edited) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t257361/ WHAT THE HELICOPTER AM I DOING??????????????? I was doing so well, and now I'm backpeddling. I just read again this ridiculousness I posted late last night, and holy cow, I can't believe I'm saying/thinking/feeling these things. Re: the bolded items above - OF COURSE it's best to forego, and forego ALL of it! Right back to wondering, speculating, assuming...what the hell for? He's hopeless...DUH, you stupid woman...that's the million-dollar clue right there. How quickly I forgot that he is stuck in HELL and I am FREE AS A BIRD. One little phone call, and I was back to feeling sorry for someone who refuses to help himself...really? Gawdammit, I'm so mad at myself. When did I start compromising my straight up, no BS nature? I don't tolerate it with any of my friends or family...scheisse, I divorced my retarded ex-husband 10 years ago in the blink of an eye, without even looking HALFway back, because his life was an absolute train wreck and he refused make any changes or get help. He was miserable with the state of his life, but not miserable enough to make him want to change it. Honestly, I didn't make these kinds of concessions in the beginning of this current R, what happened that changed - scratch - removed all my sensibility? When did this happen? And my last bolded sentence above speaks for itself. I DON'T WANT TO. So, I guess I just won't then. I can't respect a JACKASS.Which is why I don't talk to my xMW anymore...when I talked to her YOU could hear the sadness in their voice and it makes you want to make them happy...feel sorry for them. Screw that I fell for that SH_T so many times in the past. This is why I don't see her and talk to her. I know how I am....they will still be telling you oh it's hard. I'm struggling and I want to just crawl in bed and sleep all day. blah blah blah..... I was so done with that....do yourself a favor...don't talk or see him....it does you no good. Edited December 17, 2010 by Confused4Now
fooled once Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 That's the thing, the affair and the needy man slowly pick away at your strength and independence. Who needs a guy that does that? Better of without. You have your control back Hazy is so smart. I have been concerned about you, TBH. I have noticed that you have been providing excuses for him and rationalizing things. The cold hard facts are he is CHOOSING to be in the situation he is in. HE IS CHOOSING to continue to be with his partner. HE IS CHOOSING to sit and wallow in his poor widdle self. He has no spine, no testicles -- how can anyone respect a coward? He is just that - a coward. Let him wallow but do NOT allow him to bring you down. He is playing the VICTIM to the hilt, and until THIS post, you were buying into it, hook, line and sinker. Glad you are seeing it and seeing him/the situation for what it is - something of his own doing. Let him go. Let him figure his life out.
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 How are you doing? So far, so good!!! Don't wanna jinx it though, so I'm bitin' my tongue & crossin' my fingers! Thanks for asking...I'm so thankful for you & all my pals here! It feels pretty darned cool to have such supportive friends, the likes of which I really don't have around me here in realityland... <3
Recommended Posts