habs53 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 MY ex and i separeted 7 months ago. She left. Have been on limited NC for 6 months because we have a child together. Been married for 7 years and together for 13. Anyways...... Her mail still comes to my home, even after i told her to do an address change. She is upset that my parents will not say hi to her when they walk by her work. My mom made her a Christmas sock (she knits them and puts all our names on them). Now my mom wanted it back to put a new persons name on it. My ex wants to keep it. She is not impressed that i have a female friend that visits my home. She knows this person and does not like her. She made a point of telling me she knows about her visits. Why would she care who is in my home? Its none of her business. She keeps on bringing up about Christmas and how alone she is going to be. Ok, there is other things but i just dont get this. She chose to leave without even trying. Am i suppose to feel sorry for her now? I just dont get it.
YellowShark Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Am i suppose to feel sorry for her now? I just dont get it. Nope. Don't feel sorry for her at all. She made her bed 7 months ago and now she's gotta sleep in it. She is also trying to manipulate you with all the "alone for xmas," and "how dare you see anyone else," crap. Don't give her the power to manipulate you. Instead relish that she is trying to control you and the fact that you WILL NOT LET HER. Stay strong, good luck!
Author habs53 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Thats pretty good advice. Its like she wants to be separated and still be attached to all of what i offered her.
sirweasles Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 My wife is kinda the same way Only she I think wants to be friends with me like we were when we were together and cant understand why I keep fighting for more. There is no reason for your ex to be doing this to you maybe you should sit down and talk to her and let her know how you feel about it. If you have hopes of rekindeling i would keep that to your self but you need to let her know that you are moving on and that she should aswell. my suggestion would be keep all interaction to only what involves the kids.
hitbyatruck Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Your ex Habs, much like mine, appears to be your typical "cake and eat it" type. They want to pick apart your personality and take the bits that suit them. They miss your friendship and need your emotional support when it comes to the upbringing of your child. You too miss their friendship and more, but to give it to them now just condones their life choice - a choice that hurt you, badly. At the same time they enjoy the freedom that being "single" brings them. They will justify breaking up a family - in my case her lying, cheating and leaving me for my buddy after a 10 years relationship and a kid, now 2yo. They think their life is better. They are confusing better with different. They walk away from the baggage that gathers after a decade, and the unhappiness that a troubled marriage/LTR can produce, but also walk away from the deep emotional closeness that is developed over the same period. Whether there is another person involved or not, the leaver throws away the good with the bad. Leavers are quitters. They lack the guts to dig deep into the individual problems that intermingle and become bigger relationship problems. They don't realise that their own problems can't be walked away from. Of course the person who is left often has just as many unresolved personal problems which gives the leaver a sense of justification for walking away from their part of the time-bomb rather than attempting to defuse it with the help of their partner and/or professional help. I have strongly warned my ex that unless she takes steps to resolve all her personal problems - and there are many - then once the "in love/lust" chemicals fade then those problems will enter her rebound relationship, a relationship that for the main part of the week my son is around. She has told me how much easier she found parenting when we were together and during our failed reconciliation attempt plus on the occasions when for child related reasons we have spent an hour or more together. It is my opinion that the deepness I spoke about is what love truly is. "In love" is something entirely different - temporary and transient even - and for this reason I often pity my ex. You can get laid or make friends anywhere, anytime if you want to and try hard enough but you don't just stumble upon a decade or more of deep love. Habs, I have spent too much time and energy over the past 20 years attempting to understand women, the mother of my child in particular. I reckon I've solved about 15% of the equation. Men are not designed or equipped to fully understand women. Advanced quantum physics theorem would be easier. Never allow your ex to manipulate you. She knows your buttons, your weaknesses, your foibles and may try to use them to her advantage. You and your daughter come first - in parallel. Once your child's needs are met you are as free as you're ever going to get. Where you place your ex in terms of priority is entirely up to you. She has no bearing on this. You choose. Sorry for the minor thread hijack. Stay focused & walk tall - the stayer always takes the moral higher ground.
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