Streaky Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 The depressing mess which is my life.... I married when I was 20 to a girl who I loved deeply and thought I would be with for the rest of my life (how niave). We had our ups and downs but I took my vows very seriously and was always a faithful and loyal husband. Even when our sex life imploded and I literally had a colleague at work throwing herself at me, I never once even considered cheating on her. We lived in the UK for a while and then Canada before we decided to move back to the UK. I came back first to set up a home and get a job and she was due to follow. Instead one day I returned home from work and found an email from her which I was so excited about because I loved hearing from her. It crushed me in contents as she had decided to end our marriage and not come back to the UK. She didnt even love me enough to call me and tell me. I got an email and that was it. I spent the best part of a year depressed and lonely. I had no friends, didnt even try and meet any new girls and basically lived a sorry existance. Until I met a girl that worked in our office during a works night out. She was amazing and we stuck to each other like glue. We had a wonderful time and life seemed to have meaning again. Things were great for about 6 months and then slowly started going wrong. She became stressed and aggressive and would take things out on me that really were everyday things that people just deal with (running late for appointments etc.) She was making me miserable but I was desperate to refind the love and kindness we both shared in the beginning. I bought her a ring to propose but couldnt find the right time. She kept pushing me and eventually I gave in and propsed to her. I thought if she believed we had stability together then she would calm down and go back to being the girl I fell in love with. Needless to say it didnt work at all. She made things worse and worse until I started to become very depressed again. I changed jobs and met a girl at work and we became instant friends. she met a need I had for companionship and kindness that I wasnt getting from my wife. We started spending a lot of time together and I realised I was developing feelings for her. When this happened I got very upset and decided to try really hard to discuss these problems and my feelings with my wife. I told her everything. I begged her for change but she wouldnt listen. She just didnt respect me because Ive always been such a pushover. So I began a full relationship with the new girl from work. After about 4 months my wife found out (Im awful at hiding things) and she was very upset. We went to counselling and it helped a little but my wife just felt the counsellor was blaming her for everything and so she shut dowen a little. Heres my problem... I love the new girl. Seriously love her. Although I care for my wife I dont think Im actually in love with her anymore. Which is very painful for me to admit becuse she has started to change in small ways and she is being more considerate to me sometimes. We still have big problems, especially in the trust department thanks to me, but there has been some improvement. The thing is, I just want the new girl and she really wants me. I could see us being very happy together. But if I leave my wife she will be devastated. Im well aware that poeple might think Im completely out of order for what Ive done. I know Ive done wrong. I just want to be happy. Ive speant so long being miserable and considering other people first, that I really want to make me happy. I just dont know what to do. My wife will be so so devastated. I just cant force myself to love her. And I cant bear not being with the new girl. Ive made such a mess out of this and I never intended it. Im also so scared that Ive lost respect for women or committed relationship because of my first marriage. If anyone can give me any constructive advice, Im desperate :-(
robf1971 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Dude, I see in my Crystal ball. In 6 months time the new girl will dump ya, you'll go running back to wifey, she won't take you back. Dump the new girl now. BTW I did the UK Canada UK thing too, that is very, very tough on a relationship. You need to man up, stop bcoming a pushover, your relationship and life will change. It won't be easy, prepare for world war 3 but she will start respecting you a lot more.
Iconoclast Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 So, to save your wife the pain of divorcing her, you thought you'd have an affair instead? Right? Maybe you should stop worrying about your own happiness and take care of business first. Then you'll start to be happy because you'll be doing something right instead of wrong. I think your problems are of your own making and the happiness you seek is within YOU. Let your emotions follow your actions. The inverse will get you no where.
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