Sarah1977 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 So I've noticed an odd trend while dating lately. A lot of the guys I've been going out with are buying me gifts. It's nothing huge, no jewelry or anything. It's more like little things I mentioned in passing that I like or need. It's starting to make me extremely uncomfortable. Since I am multi dating, I try to mainly pay my own way. But I'm not sure what to do about these gifts. I don't want to be rude and refuse to accept them. But at the same time, I feel guilty accepting a gift from a man that I'm not yet willing to be exclusive with. Thoughts?
GooseChaser Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 (edited) ... And they likely feel guilty about not spending any money on you, ergo the influx of gifts. It's probably their way of making up for not being able to pay for you on dates. I think that it would make them happy if you accepted the gifts. It's their way of showing that they care. I wouldn't worry about it. If the gift-giving keeps going and you continue to feel "extremely uncomfortable" about it, maybe that would mean that you're dating too many men at once? Maybe if you cut down on that, it would make you feel better. Edited December 17, 2010 by GooseChaser
Str8noChaser Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 They can't buy what they don't know. Not implying you are doing it on purpose but while you are multidating you need to stop dropping hints for them to pick up on.
Author Sarah1977 Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 They can't buy what they don't know. Not implying you are doing it on purpose but while you are multidating you need to stop dropping hints for them to pick up on. These are NOT hints. Example: I made a self deprecating joke on a date about how my socks never match. So this dude goes out and buys me a 'sock bouquet' of easy to match socks. It wasn't a hint. I was just taking the piss out of myself.
zengirl Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 If they're small enough and I liked the guy, I'd just accept them. But it'd probably be a good reason for me to drop the guys I didn't like, so they weren't wasting their money.
Str8noChaser Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 The dude that bought you that little token...were you liking him enough to keep seeing him? And can you give another example of you casually saying something that a different guy picked up on to buy you a small gift.
Author Sarah1977 Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 The dude that bought you that little token...were you liking him enough to keep seeing him? And can you give another example of you casually saying something that a different guy picked up on to buy you a small gift. Was dating a microbiologist and he mentioned something about living in his lab coat. I told him I thought lab coats were super sexy. He says, "Really?" And I say, "Oh yeah, I've always wanted one. A lab coat and a pair of horn rimmed glasses. I'd look so hot." He bought me a lab coat with my name embroidered on it. I thought we were just playing around.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Was dating a microbiologist and he mentioned something about living in his lab coat. I told him I thought lab coats were super sexy. He says, "Really?" And I say, "Oh yeah, I've always wanted one. A lab coat and a pair of horn rimmed glasses. I'd look so hot." He bought me a lab coat with my name embroidered on it. I thought we were just playing around. that's so thoughtful! I'd feel uncomfortable too but as you said, you can't really reject them. Just politely accept and thank them which I'm sure you already are. You can throw in a 'oh you didn't have to do that!' Other than that, not much more you can do.
waynesworld Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Sarah, are these guys kinda dense? They don't seem to be able to pick up on jokes! That, or they're trying way too hard and it's backfiring. Next time, make a joke about Cinderella; maybe someone will show up with a pumpkin carriage.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Sarah, are these guys kinda dense? They don't seem to be able to pick up on jokes! That, or they're trying way too hard and it's backfiring. Next time, make a joke about Cinderella; maybe someone will show up with a pumpkin carriage. hahaha, that would be sweet.
tinktronik Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Honestly, it sounds like you're dating nice guys who are actually listening to what you say and being creative with it. I love the idea of a sock bouquet BTW. I would politely accept the gifts and reciprocate with your own if you are able. They sound like sweethearts.
tinktronik Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 As a side note when I was first aquatinted with my SO I mentioned that I wish a circus was coming to town because I had never been to one-- it was something offhand. Well there was no circus nearby but he did put together a smattering of little circus toys and confetti. This was so sweet and showed that he had a little magic in him. It certainly won a little piece of my heart.
Str8noChaser Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 It's funny that most women are dying for men to do things that make you uncomfortable. What you can do next time you make jokes like that with a date is pat him on the arm and sweetly say something to the effect of..."now please don't get me that pumpkin, for some reason men seem to buy me things based on a few jokes." In other words since you can't go back in time & reword yourself & you are unwittingly dropping hints (it's saying something that will make you happy that someone who cares about you or trying to impress you will make note off & respond to) you need to be clear in your independence and how uncomfortable that makes you feel. Somewhere in that early stage of you bantering, you need to add some statements that you aren't open to gifts like that.
Alienist Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 A lot of the guys I've been going out with are buying me gifts. It's nothing huge, no jewelry or anything. It's more like little things I mentioned in passing that I like or need. It's starting to make me extremely uncomfortable. Thoughts? You're right at being uncomfortable with this. I think such gifts are ok for a birthday, but not at dates. If you respect the person, tell him politely not to buy them next time. If you don't respect him, you can accept it and let him do it again. Then the guy, that bought you gifts in advance, might feel that you owe him something - affection, love, etc. Clingy men try buying gifts trying to get closer to you, since they don't quite know how to make steps forward.
NoLongerSad Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 It sounds like you are dating a bunch of losers. A bouquet of socks? A mongrammed lab coat? Those are two of the lamest gifts I've ever heard of. These guys are trying too hard to be "cute" for you. These kinds of gifts scream out "Like me! Please please LIKE me!"
Alienist Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Those are two of the lamest gifts I've ever heard of. These guys are trying too hard to be "cute" for you. These kinds of gifts scream out "Like me! Please please LIKE me!" Exactly. Well put.
LoveAintEverything Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hmm..I am the same way and I try and refuse the gift they are getting for me...but there really is not much you can do about it with out insulting the guys...that is just how guys are....honestly I would just keep accepting them ..especially if you need them
Alienist Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I think it's not an insult but a favor. At least that's how I see a similar situation in my past. The girl who told straightly to not creep on her with gifts did me a lot more good than the one who accepted them.
HamiltonJames Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 You can throw in a 'oh you didn't have to do that!' I just had that said to me and it really is code for "I wish you hadn't done that". I'm just getting back into the dating thing and realized immediately that the small gift (even though it was for her birthday) was too soon. That said, some women are paranoid about taking gifts or things from me as if they "owe them something". Well, some of us have few bucks; but it's our time that is scarce and wasting it when you're not interested in a romantic relationship is a lot more selfish than is taking a gift or a meal.
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