kilala86 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hi I've been dating my guy around 3 years and we are really tight. I am sorta extroverted and a little on the dependent side, and he has been single his whole life (of 28 years) until he got with me so he is very independent and introverted. I love him to bits and most of the time we agree on everything...buuut even though I have my hobbies, my job, my own college classes to keep me busy he still needs even more space than I give him. I don't call him much (twice a week at best for 5 to 10 minutes), I only really see him twice a week and I crash over those nights. And even after I haven't heard from him in 2 or 3 days and want to call and chat because I miss him, he says I'm being clingy. I thought I was being fair but I don't know anymore because I have no one I can ask about this. Am I being too clingy? I keep myself busy with my own things most of the time and we haven't hungout in almost a week...I thought if I didn't call him or IM him for a good four to 6 days he would seek me out because he would miss me...but he didn't...so I IM'd him...and he says I'm clingy. What can I do???
USCGAviator Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Well if you wanna keep playing this game with him then you should quit giving in and see if he ever call you again or IM's you.
creighton0123 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I'm sorry to tell you this and I may be wrong, but after 3 years of dating there is no reason why your lives shouldn't already be intertwined. Seeing one another twice a week is fine, but to be called clingy because you call him or talk to him? Aviator is right. He's either intentionally or unintentionally playing games with you. If it's the former, he's an *******. If it's the later, he has not matured enough romantically. When most couples are starting to or have already moved in with one another, he's pushing you away and is emotionally distant... There's no reason a mature, adult man (28 years old) shouldn't be able to talk to the person he's dating every day.
Author kilala86 Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Well if you wanna keep playing this game with him then you should quit giving in and see if he ever call you again or IM's you. I should do that. I'm just not liking always being the one who goes to him, I want him to come to me. I though after almost a week he would. I suppose I could try really hard this time and not cave in.
USCGAviator Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Seems silly that you would date a man for 3 years with such restrictions for space. Is he aware that he is dating you?
Author kilala86 Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 I'm sorry to tell you this and I may be wrong, but after 3 years of dating there is no reason why your lives shouldn't already be intertwined. Seeing one another twice a week is fine, but to be called clingy because you call him or talk to him? Aviator is right. He's either intentionally or unintentionally playing games with you. If it's the former, he's an *******. If it's the later, he has not matured enough romantically. When most couples are starting to or have already moved in with one another, he's pushing you away and is emotionally distant... There's no reason a mature, adult man (28 years old) shouldn't be able to talk to the person he's dating every day. I know I'm his first girlfriend so it is a lot of work to learn how to share your life with someone after being alone so long...so I don't think he means to be this way. I don't know how to make this work out so it's fair for both of us.
GooseChaser Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Seems silly that you would date a man for 3 years with such restrictions for space. Is he aware that he is dating you? How would he not be aware of that after three years? That's impossible.
Author kilala86 Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Seems silly that you would date a man for 3 years with such restrictions for space. Is he aware that he is dating you? I told him the same thing. That people who are dating can't live like a loner. I live about an hour away from him with my folks just until next year when I get my bachelors. When I do see him for several days and we hangout a lot he gets cold and distant after a while...normally he is warm and kind with me. He seems to get overloaded so easy.
USCGAviator Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 How would he not be aware of that after three years? That's impossible. Well based of what she said I wouldn't put it past him.
USCGAviator Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I told him the same thing. That people who are dating can't live like a loner. I live about an hour away from him with my folks just until next year when I get my bachelors. When I do see him for several days and we hangout a lot he gets cold and distant after a while...normally he is warm and kind with me. He seems to get overloaded so easy. Perhaps you now see the reason he was single his whole life.
Author kilala86 Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Perhaps you now see the reason he was single his whole life. Lol yeah I know right? I have been clingy in the past and know what to watch out for so I'm not that way but I'm always scared to be that way. And he always blames me for being clingy when I am sad because he doesn't try to see or call me more. I don't know how to show him it's him. There is no proof I can put infront of him to show him that he is too distant. I really like him but sometimes this drives me nuts.
USCGAviator Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Your not being clingy its just lack of attention. I'm sure you like him alot but think of how much time your wasting on this dead end relationship. Seems that talking to him won't do much as this issue probably goes back to his childhood. The balls in your court, so if your determined to "think" you can fix a broken man.....well good luck to you. Otherwise I would consider cutting my losses at this point. But thats me, and that would have happened long ago.
Author kilala86 Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Your not being clingy its just lack of attention. I'm sure you like him alot but think of how much time your wasting on this dead end relationship. Seems that talking to him won't do much as this issue probably goes back to his childhood. The balls in your court, so if your determined to "think" you can fix a broken man.....well good luck to you. Otherwise I would consider cutting my losses at this point. But thats me, and that would have happened long ago. Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I will think it over and see what needs to be done.
SCOTT LOPEZ Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 This is a guy who does not want to be with you. Either he has a another girl and has moved on and is too chicken to tell you, or he has another girl, but wants you to be there as a fall back in case this does not work out
lois_80 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Agree with Scott, he doesn't seem interested.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 This guy had nothing wrong with his childhood, he just doesnt like you anymore. When hearing from you twice a week is too much, he doesnt want to hear from you or be around you. I dont know why he hasnt broken it off with you yet, but he has no interest in you anymore. You better end it. or at least stop calling him and going to his place, see what he does. Let him miss you. It may take 3 weeks though.
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