siuys Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 hey all, Day 17 NC. Doing pretty good but not so good either. Good coz I can work and function like a human being again and no more anxiety attacks. Not so good coz I still think about him far too much, especially at night, and sleep is still very much broken. Maybe coz it's xmas soon, i am feeling lonely, and am pissed off just thinking he'll be busy playing happy family man and all the associated stuff. a lot of stuff goes on in my head about what happened... far too much. it's wasteful thought i know but just can't help it. i wonder when it's going to end, if ever. sorry, feeling a bit negative today. doesn't help that i know exactly what he'll be doing from now till end of january. and i'll be left alone to deal with this whole ****. and i never feel sorry for myself, but i am now! **** that. i just deleted his number from my cell today. can't block him unless i buy some stupid plug-in i think... arrrghhh i feel like a complete mug! and i want this to be over and i wish i had an effing delete forever button!
ItsNeverForever Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 hey all, Day 17 NC. Doing pretty good but not so good either. Good coz I can work and function like a human being again and no more anxiety attacks. Not so good coz I still think about him far too much, especially at night, and sleep is still very much broken. Maybe coz it's xmas soon, i am feeling lonely, and am pissed off just thinking he'll be busy playing happy family man and all the associated stuff. a lot of stuff goes on in my head about what happened... far too much. it's wasteful thought i know but just can't help it. i wonder when it's going to end, if ever. sorry, feeling a bit negative today. doesn't help that i know exactly what he'll be doing from now till end of january. and i'll be left alone to deal with this whole ****. and i never feel sorry for myself, but i am now! **** that. i just deleted his number from my cell today. can't block him unless i buy some stupid plug-in i think... arrrghhh i feel like a complete mug! and i want this to be over and i wish i had an effing delete forever button! OMG, let's invent one right now - we'll be rich! "It slices! It dices! It effing deletes them forEVER!" $19.99, plus s&h I don't mean to make light of your situation,siuys darling - I'll stop now. You just cracked me up. But you should know how SERIOUSLY PROUD I am of you - you've made such progress! 17 DAYS!!! I remember day 1...and just look at you now. *gushes* I am so jealous...I wish I could do it right now. The random texting was one thing...but I actually SPOKE to him today. On purpose. *triple sigh* And after our conversation, I'm wondering if his request for continued LC needs to be revisited, and modified to serious NC - the conversation was so sad, I don't know why we're doing this to ourselves. Anyway, I totally understand the low days after so many strong ones. I've noticed that it happens to the best of us...so don't be too down on yourself. Don't forget, tomorrow is a new day - who knows, you might wake up feeling fantastic and right back on track! In fact, I'm crossing my fingers n toes for that very thing for you right now. Hugs...
whichwayisup Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 You're doing great! It's okay to have rough days, and miss him..It's going to take time to grieve and deal with stuff so don't be hard on yourself. Enjoy the times you feel good, make the most of it! Build upon that. When you have your crap times, accept it but don't wallow in it. Allow yourself a good cry but then pick yourself up and DO something productive, or treat yourself to something special. Girls day at the spa with your girl friends.
Author siuys Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Thanks, INF and you made me laugh!!!! Brilliant. Yes, wish we could bottle this stuff up and sell to the ones thinking about having an affair! Thanks, appreciate your kind words. It's kinda insane in a way when you think about it - so proud of myself for 17 days of NC! 17 days of no contact with a married man! Wow what achievement! How proud my parents would be!!!!! Sorry, can't help it guess am in a sarcastic mood! Seriously though, you SPOKE to him today? What made you to that? Sorry must have missed one of your posts... personally I have tried LC - just doesn't work, not for me anyway. LC just means unfinished business, lack of clarity for me. I would miss him even more, and my head would be even more screwed! And I'd want to know what is going on and when is he doing this and that... so for me, only serious NC works. Only way I can see myself moving on. Maybe LC works for you... problem is LC gives you hope... and sometimes we know there isn't any. Thanks for the encouragement. I hope too tomorrow i will wake up feeling fantastic. Would be so great if I would wake up tomorrow and then it'd be like xmm who? What? Memory loss? Cool.
Heather1 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I've done NC, LC, the works & I'm still not out!! Be proud of yourself & have a plan if he contacts you. I'm in purgatory with LC right now. I made it 15 days & blew it. I keep thinking I still just want him in my life & now I'm realizing him in my life I's a few flirty emails during the week & a few "we can't get together again" follow ups. More painful than NC....stick to it! It's not supposed to be easy, it's supposed to remove the source of pain. I'm a wimp
half_ofa_heart Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I've done NC, LC, the works & I'm still not out!! Be proud of yourself & have a plan if he contacts you. I'm in purgatory with LC right now. I made it 15 days & blew it. I keep thinking I still just want him in my life & now I'm realizing him in my life I's a few flirty emails during the week & a few "we can't get together again" follow ups. More painful than NC....stick to it! It's not supposed to be easy, it's supposed to remove the source of pain. I'm a wimp you are soooo right!! LC IS purgatory! I was 21 days and was tricked in answering the phone which just led to many email conversations followed by phone calls to my work phone. At least I know that I can't hear from him til Monday now. I think I'd rather endure childbirth again that put myself thru another damn affair - childbirth hurts less!
Author siuys Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Wow, childbirth hurts less!!!! I wouldn't know but WOW!!! Heather1, you are NOT a wimp! LC is darn hard that's why I don't do that. I physically couldn't. I would have severe anxiety attacks. Serious torture. Good luck all of you with LC/NC. I really think NC is the ONLY way if you want to end the pain, and him out of your life. 17 days feels like forever tho' i know it's not. It feels like it's forever ago that I saw him, forever ago that we had a connection. I think of and miss him every single day. I wish I didn't. And I can't help but wonder if he does the same. And if he's trying to re-invent his M etc etc. It's so ****ed up all this **** that's going on in my head! For my own good, I really hope he never contacts me again. NC girls, NC!!!!!!!
woinlove Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Thanks, appreciate your kind words. It's kinda insane in a way when you think about it - so proud of myself for 17 days of NC! 17 days of no contact with a married man! Wow what achievement! How proud my parents would be!!!!! Sorry, can't help it guess am in a sarcastic mood! Given the stories on LS of OW trying to "recover" from MM, there should be some place you can pick up your 17 day medal. Maybe a trophy at 30 days. Seriously, sounds like you are doing well. Give yourself a nice treat and stay strong.
OpenBook Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Chocolate always worked for me. That, and my GFs got me through it. [[hugs]] Just keep moving.
TigerCub Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 (edited) I feel for you Siuys, but hang in there! You're doing so good, and I'm so proud of you!! LC is darn hard that's why I don't do that. I physically couldn't. I would have severe anxiety attacks. Serious torture. Good luck all of you with LC/NC. I really think NC is the ONLY way if you want to end the pain, and him out of your life. I had to do LC before doing my NC. I tried NC back when I felt we had a connection and so much going on, so I couldn't really do it. LC made more sense, because I didn't want to hurt him Now its all about NC. Well actually, I wrote him a huge email the other day, telling him about all the things that I know he lied about, and telling him that I was always good to him and I just didn't understand how he could have been so cruel in leading me on and lying to me, and I told him NOT to reply to my email and that this is the last time I'm going to contact him. I needed to write that email because I want to start my new year fresh and not look back on all the crap with him and wish I had said something that I didn't. It felt so good to get all that stuff off my chest, and tell him that he pretty much wasn't fooling anyone, and that he's got some issues. I'm so looking forward to the new year. I'm going on vacation soon The new relationship I'm in is going great, the guy treats me amazingly well, and it feels like a load off my shoulders now that I'm totally 100% officially done with xMM. So Siuys, hang in there. Things will get better. Don't be hard on yourself if you have a bad day and miss him (that's not weakness, that's just being human and having a heart). I think of and miss him every single day. I wish I didn't. And I can't help but wonder if he does the same. And if he's trying to re-invent his M etc etc. It's so ****ed up all this **** that's going on in my head! When I used to get caught up wondering all that stuff, I would just tell myself that he MUST have some other girl that he's romancing right now - and that would actually make it easier to push the thoughts of him out of my mind. These cheating MMs don't fix their Ms overnight because their OW left (they avoid hard work and any kind of honest communication) so I doubt that he's reinventing his M. I prefer to think that he opted for the easier solution and just found himself a new OW (in my xMMs case anyways). Thinking that (even if it may not be true) helps me not to dwell on missing him and all that crap. Edited December 17, 2010 by TigerCub
woinlove Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 When I used to get caught up wondering all that stuff, I would just tell myself that he MUST have some other girl that he's romancing right now - and that would actually make it easier to push the thoughts of him out of my mind. These cheating MMs don't fix their Ms overnight because their OW left (they avoid hard work and any kind of honest communication) so I doubt that he's reinventing his M. I prefer to think that he opted for the easier solution and just found himself a new OW (in my xMMs case anyways). Thinking that (even if it may not be true) helps me not to dwell on missing him and all that crap. I think this is great advice, as it works for me too (for ending any R, not just an A). While it is natural to want to think they really miss you because you have those feelings, I find thinking of them as having already moved on always helps me move on. If you are NC you don't know if they are moving on or pining away, so anything you think is speculation and so it should be speculation that helps YOU.
TigerCub Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 If you are NC you don't know if they are moving on or pining away, so anything you think is speculation and so it should be speculation that helps YOU. Exactly! Its funny though - during the A - I had to do some speculating, and I always let myself give him the benefit of the doubt - and twisted the outcome of my speculation to help HIM and keep the A going. Now Post-A - yeah.....whatever speculation I might be doing, I do it to help me
SunsetRed Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Siuys, I am exactly where you are with my pain. I know it's the holidays. I'm alone and he's having joyous events with his family. I know he and his wife will exchange presents (for the first time in 4 years) and they'll go out for New Years. I'm tired of my pain but I don't know what to replace it with. I had counted on him so much and at 42 I feel like this was my last chance at real love. Of course, if I spend the rest of my life obsessing over him, it will be my last chance at love, so I have to get off my ass and start moving on but I keep getting stuck. I'm doing the NC thing, but only because I think it will make him miss me and come back to me. So far, it hasn't worked. I recently got on an anti depressant with the hope that it will give my brain a few extra endorphins to focus on a hopeful future, instead of a lost past. We've only got 2 more weeks of 2010. 2011 is time for a new beginning and we have a whole year to make great things happen for ourselves so that we aren't on this message board next year at this time. Hang in there and congrats on the 17 days NC, You are doing great!
ItsNeverForever Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 We've only got 2 more weeks of 2010. 2011 is time for a new beginning and we have a whole year to make great things happen for ourselves so that we aren't on this message board next year at this time. Repeating to myself over and over and over and over and over...
Hazyhead Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Ladies, you know these thoughts you have about what the MMs are doing over Christmas? Well, spin those around and imagine it the other way. What wonderful things will YOU be doing? I know a heart full of sorrow is not an easy thing to shake, but if you try, and I mean really try, you will do it. This I promise. this time last year I was a sobbing heap for a significant amount of the time, but the rest of it I had as fun as I could possibly force myself to. It is harder around the Christmas period but another thing this time brings us is more opportunities to socialise and enjoy life. Look to yourself and, even if you don't feel like it, make yourself go out. See your family. Have fun with your friends. Hammer yourself at the gym. Pick up a hobby. I know it sounds like I'm just saying 'Get over it', but I'm not. This is experience talking: fill your time with distractions and slowly you will get through this. ~Every day you'll think of him that little bit less. That said, bloody have a bawlfest if you need to. Then pick yourself back up again. Yes, it's Christmas, and he'll be with his family. But you, YOU will be able to do the same. Willpower, and you guys are doing so well. You don't need them!
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