DSM2709 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Well, it's been some time since my ex and I saw each other. We are going out tomorrow night for a night on the town. I don't want to screw this up, but I'm hoping she will see that I am a different person than before when we broke up. I'm hoping she will consider giving US another chance. How do I go about it? What do I say?, how should I act? Should I spill my guts about how much I miss her and that we deserve to get back together? Or do I just enjoy her company and have fun? Any tips will be really helpful. Thanks.
suddendumpee Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Spilling your guts will not show her you have changed. Act like this is the first date you've even been on with her and DO NOT talk about the past. If she brings it up, simply say "The past is the past. Lets just have a good time tonight". Take control.
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 NOOOOOO way spilling your guts,do whatever you want but don't do that. also don't talk about the past please
Author DSM2709 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Well my ex and I got together tonight, and we had a really great time. We went into the City and had dinner and then headed over to an Irish Pub and had drinks and listened to an Irish live band. We took the train home, and had great conversation. Once we got back to her place I asked if it would be ok to stay the night (no hidden agenda, ask I explained to her), and we could get breakfast together in the morning to which she did explain that it would not be a good idea. I told her I respected her answer and would not further pressure her. She did appreciate it. We then sat on her couch for the next hour or so and talked about our relationship and how it wasn't my fault for what happened and that we just weren't made for each other. I told her I still loved her to which she thought was real sweet, and she stated to me that I was a really great person and that I should never forget it. She said we could still get together if I wanted to, but would understand if she never heard from me... (Hence..moved on). I gave her a big hug and a kiss a couple of times and then left. So why does this still hurt so much? Why can't I move on from being with someone who I truly saw myself being with for a long time? I know life will go on and tomorrow is a new day, but when we are together, I feel awesome and wish we could get another chance. We did a lot of talking over the course of the night and had a great time together. I told her that we should go to a hockey game or a basketball game sometime to which she said that would be a great idea and she's all for it. But am I wasting my time knowing that no matter how many times we get together or what I do or say with her will not change how she feels about us getting back together? It still hurts, but I can't seem to come to grips with the reality that we will NEVER get back together, and damnit I miss her like crazy.
dk.bnz.chi Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 that's what happens when you don't listen. didn't i tell you NOT to spill your guts or talk about the past? i guess you live and learn
mmiller5373 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 How long ago did she break up with you and how long have you been NC? Just wondering...
Author DSM2709 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 that's what happens when you don't listen. didn't i tell you NOT to spill your guts or talk about the past? i guess you live and learn I didn't initially spill, the conversation just came up by both of us after I asked her about staying the night. It wasn't my intention to talk about our past.
Author DSM2709 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 How long ago did she break up with you and how long have you been NC? Just wondering... She broke up with me back in June, and I didn't finally move out of her apartment until mid July. We always maintained contact, but now I guess true NC should begin, since now I know she is not interested in ever getting back together. She did tell me that she would understand too if she didn't hear from because that would have meant I moved on, which I think she wants.
mmiller5373 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Well my ex and I got together tonight, and we had a really great time. We went into the City and had dinner and then headed over to an Irish Pub and had drinks and listened to an Irish live band. We took the train home, and had great conversation. Once we got back to her place I asked if it would be ok to stay the night (no hidden agenda, ask I explained to her), and we could get breakfast together in the morning to which she did explain that it would not be a good idea. I told her I respected her answer and would not further pressure her. She did appreciate it. We then sat on her couch for the next hour or so and talked about our relationship and how it wasn't my fault for what happened and that we just weren't made for each other. I told her I still loved her to which she thought was real sweet, and she stated to me that I was a really great person and that I should never forget it. She said we could still get together if I wanted to, but would understand if she never heard from me... (Hence..moved on). I gave her a big hug and a kiss a couple of times and then left. So why does this still hurt so much? Why can't I move on from being with someone who I truly saw myself being with for a long time? I know life will go on and tomorrow is a new day, but when we are together, I feel awesome and wish we could get another chance. We did a lot of talking over the course of the night and had a great time together. I told her that we should go to a hockey game or a basketball game sometime to which she said that would be a great idea and she's all for it. But am I wasting my time knowing that no matter how many times we get together or what I do or say with her will not change how she feels about us getting back together? It still hurts, but I can't seem to come to grips with the reality that we will NEVER get back together, and damnit I miss her like crazy. Everything that you said and did here pretty much shows desperation. You shouldn't have ever asked to spend the night. Your ex clearly doesn't look at you the same way anymore and you're only hurting yourself by maintaining contact with her. Go 100% NC and heal, man. If you keep talking to her you're never gonna move on.
Author DSM2709 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 MMiller, your right. However I did send her a xmas card before yesterday which she hasn't gotten yet, so I'm sure she will respond in some by saying thank you. How should I respond to that? The whole thing just sucks is all. I will move on eventually. Thanks.
mmiller5373 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 MMiller, your right. However I did send her a xmas card before yesterday which she hasn't gotten yet, so I'm sure she will respond in some by saying thank you. How should I respond to that? The whole thing just sucks is all. I will move on eventually. Thanks. Don't worry about it, man. Don't expect her to say anything and if she does, do not reply. Don't let her fool you into thinking she actually cares. I've been where you are, dude. You keep holding onto something that isn't there and it only makes life harder. I'm an attractive guy and when my girlfriend left me, I felt like I would never find love. I had sick thoughts for months, I still do, and it's been four months. Sometimes I still wonder if I will find a girl perfect enough for me. But listen, man, you can't tell yourself you won't ever find another person to love you. That just kills your self-esteem even more. Put yourself back together and find someone who loves you. You don't need to prove to anybody that you're worthy; the love of your life would already know that. I'm telling you, go NC and you will start to feel better in a few weeks. It will take time cause like I said, I'm still having trouble letting go.
Author DSM2709 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Thanks man, I really appreciate what your saying. It is hard to deal with and I know that I will move on from this. She says to me last night that she really cares about me and that I'm a great person, but I guess not enough to want to be with me. Oh well her loss right? Thanks again.
suddendumpee Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 DO NOT talk about the past. If she brings it up, simply say "The past is the past. Lets just have a good time tonight". Take control. You should have listened....
Author DSM2709 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I know SD, thanks. It's a hard lesson to learn.
Movingthrough Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Honestly you sound like a good guy that is respectful and knows that you love her. But yeah the fact is no matter what that if she doesn't want to get back together you have to go NC. It is hard and I think of my ex everyday but you made an effort, had a good night and it still didn't go as planned (getting back together) so nothing more you can do. Its good to see someone who got a chance though at least you know you did everything.
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