ItsNeverForever Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Two things happened today, one very weird, & one sad. I wish I could PM, bc I'm not comfortable sharing it here on the board. That is all.
calliope Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Two things happened today, one very weird, & one sad. I wish I could PM, bc I'm not comfortable sharing it here on the board. That is all. Can I help...?
September Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 You should have PM rights any day now...hopefully...hope you are okay...
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Calli, I bet u can... I just feel like if I posted about what happened today, if he ever stumbled into here I wouldn't be anonymous. Too unique & obvious. :/ September, what's the magic # for priveleges?
calliope Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Calli, I bet u can... I just feel like if I posted about what happened today, if he ever stumbled into here I wouldn't be anonymous. Too unique & obvious. :/ September, what's the magic # for priveleges? I hear what you say, not sure protocol OTB. Can I give you e to take it OTB?
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 I hear what you say, not sure protocol OTB. Can I give you e to take it OTB? Welllll...i've thought about that, but if u give me e, everyone else who reads this thread would have your e, too...??? Sounds dangerous! LOL
September Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Yes, the world can be too small at times! You need to have posted 50 times and have been registered here for a month (I think!) I will try and send you one, keep an eye out for private messages up on the top right hand side..
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Yes, the world can be too small at times! You need to have posted 50 times and have been registered here for a month (I think!) I will try and send you one, keep an eye out for private messages up on the top right hand side.. That's what I get for lurking so long & procrastinating on joining...I won't hit the one-month. Mark until the 23rd! *siiiigh*
September Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 No luck sorry...I tried... Can you try and post without giving too much away?
whichwayisup Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 That's what I get for lurking so long & procrastinating on joining...I won't hit the one-month. Mark until the 23rd! *siiiigh* Go wander in other sections of LS..The watercooler area, rant/confession section, and have some fun..get your post count up and along the way you'll have afew good laughs, those sections can be entertaining!
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Well, the problem is that I actually talked to him today, and the weird part of the conversation was just too weird and obvious. Maybe I could talk about the sad part... (note: my keyboard is being a little b***h, so please forgive any typos or missing letters I might not catch as I type.) I needed his help today with a Christmas purchase I'm making for my kiddo, as he is my best and favoritest and most reliable sage on this subject (our shared hobby that our kids share, too). I emailed him, figuring he probably wouldn't respond, as he normally doesn't. But he replied right away with great suggestions on this purchase, and advice that I would not have thought of myself, so I'm really glad I sought his assistance. The communication was pretty straightforward and benign, no sweet/flirty talk. Not that I don't wish for it, but it's honestly best right now that we forego that stuff (that's part of what we texted about last weekend, when he intimated that he wasn't sure I realized that this is also hard on him, that he's really struggling...and that whole text conversation that endeared me to him even more). But then the really weird thing happened (with someone I haven't spoken to for the most part in 5-1/2 years, and the realization that my world really is that small), a weird thing diretly connected to him that I never would have imagined in a hundred thousand bajillion years. So I HAD to tell him! I texted and told him to call me after work, and he replied, saying to call him at his desk. It was odd, he has never talked to me while at work. While I have always had his desk number, it never occurred to me to use it, even though he's called me at work many times. I thought it odd. I wondered if maybe he was "heading me off at the pass", so as not to talk to me as he was arriving home or something. Home, where she is (or isn't?) - I had asked him what he was doing tonight, and he replied that he was doing the same old thing as always, same old routine - feed kid, bathe kid, play with kid, put kid to bed, read book, go to sleep. "that's pretty much the extent of my life lately", he said. I assume this means that she is off working (she travels frequently). Since she started this job 6 weeks ago, he had been so relieved that she would be gone a lot and he wouldn't have her miserableness bringing him down - he'd actually have his home to himself, etc. But during the whole conversation, he sounded so miserable and dejected - NOT the person I know who is always so lustrous and positive. it worried me a bit... At one point I told him I miss him, and he responded in kind, in the saddest voice ever. Later in the convo, I had actually made him laugh, and I told him that I miss laughing with him, he replied same, and I asked him if we would ever laugh together again someday...he said "maybe"...I said, "maybe someday?", to which he replied in an even more dejected voice, "I sure hope so." MAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN...what has happened to my beautiful stoic? I've never heard him sound like this. Anyway, there were a couple more instances like that, and I'm concerned. And I know I'm not supposed to be, bc he made his d**ned bed, and he should be miserable lying in it - the idea would be he'd gain motivation to change his situation, right? But he sounded so hopeless and resigned. I do realize it's as hard on him as it is me - especially since I'M the one with FREEDOM - and he had told me over the weekend that he's trying so hard not to focus on missing me, on the sadness of our being apart. But he can't even pretend to be ok now. I wonder if he thinks that since I'm not blowing up his phone and begging him back, that I'm done and over him. SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH. So anyway, I know it's not rational, but I've been sad since we hung up. I'm a fixer. I want to fix everything. And it rips me apart to know he's soo sad and broken. His own doing, but sad nonetheless. I'm wondering if this LC is just too much to take and we should switch to NC. I've been getting better so quickly, and LC clearly isn't negatively affecting me as much as it is him. And I'm seriously considering completely cutting all ties unless & until BabyMama is completely gone from his life, other than mothering their son of course. I don't want too keep talking to him when he's swirling into the abyss - I know I shouldn't care, but he suffers enough at home as it is. And when our conversations come so few and far between, I just refuse to not speak my feelings. I need to express them to him. But if it's hurting him, I do care enough to want to cut it out completely. I don't know, now I feel like I'm rambling. Maybe I just needed to get it out of my head. Sorry if I sound like a nonsensical idiot. Man, I so wish I could tell you about the weird thing that happened today. Truly freaky. And tooo close for comfort.
blinded_27 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hey girl, awww sorry I missed this thread when you first posted. *hugs* That SUCKS. It's a horrible feeling when you feel like you have no control over the situation anymore.... I know it all too well. Stop worrying whether he is sad and broken though.. What about YOU? What about how sad and broken you were/are? Does he seem to care right now? He's not acting like it, I'm sure he does... but he's certainly not showing it. And it's probably for the best that he doesn't right now anyway. You can try NC.... it might be a good thing for the both of you, at least for a while until he can figure things out. But it's gonna be tough... do you think you'll be able to keep it up? I know I'm trying NC because I just cannot be around him until he figures his **** out, but the guy is making it very hard for me. (He dropped off this retardedly cute stuffed puppy for me in my mailbox with a sweet note last night because he knows I've been looking for a dog without much luck).. sigh. Your silence really will speak volumes to him. And if it's what you want, he may try even harder to make things right so he can be with you. But like I said before, he might not... and that's not a bad thing, because at least you will have taken that time apart to heal and you'll already be steps ahead of yourself. Sorry if this is all one big ramble... no sleep at all last night, and man, work is turning me into a zombie lol... Stay strong for now though, and please keep us updated, I'm not sure if I have PM privileges just yet either I'm curious to hear the other part of your story, this weird crazy thing that happened!!!
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