Woggle Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I like peace of mind and I like being able to relax and not be constantly stressed and worried about things I not have to be that way about. This is why if my wife ever cheats it is over. I give her my complete trust and I do not question her about going out, male friends or any of that. I snooped once during a dark time and I am ashamed of myself for it because without trust you can't have a happy relationship. You can't be suspicious and mistrusting of somebody you have vowed to love and cherish and not have things fall apart. If my wife ever cheated on me I would never be able to trust her again no matter what she does. I would constantly be checking n her or worried about what she is doing when she is out and it goes on and on. I fell in love with an honest and honorable woman and if she proves to be the opposite of that what do we have? There will be no sitting in limbo and no ultimatums nor will I demand that she cut contact with the OM. There will also certainly be no begging or pleading or me trying to please a woman who in reality wrong me instead of the other way around. I will simply tell her I want a divorce the minute I found out.
Minnie09 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I totally agree. I couldn't do it either. The reason I had to give it one more try after several "incidents" was our child. I mean, I didn't HAVE to, I just didn't want him to grow up in a broken home. I felt so extremely sorry for my baby. However, I had to leave eventually and the new start was hard. What I learned for the next R, if any, was exactly what Woggle said above. I'm too proud to be cheated on and too lazy to snoop around for months one more time in my life.
wicar1 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I like peace of mind and I like being able to relax and not be constantly stressed and worried about things I not have to be that way about. This is why if my wife ever cheats it is over. I give her my complete trust and I do not question her about going out, male friends or any of that. I snooped once during a dark time and I am ashamed of myself for it because without trust you can't have a happy relationship. You can't be suspicious and mistrusting of somebody you have vowed to love and cherish and not have things fall apart. If my wife ever cheated on me I would never be able to trust her again no matter what she does. I would constantly be checking n her or worried about what she is doing when she is out and it goes on and on. I fell in love with an honest and honorable woman and if she proves to be the opposite of that what do we have? There will be no sitting in limbo and no ultimatums nor will I demand that she cut contact with the OM. There will also certainly be no begging or pleading or me trying to please a woman who in reality wrong me instead of the other way around. I will simply tell her I want a divorce the minute I found out. That's exactly how I dealt with ex's cheating. I am 100% sure I did the right thing...
Distant78 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I like peace of mind and I like being able to relax and not be constantly stressed and worried about things I not have to be that way about. This is why if my wife ever cheats it is over. I give her my complete trust and I do not question her about going out, male friends or any of that. I snooped once during a dark time and I am ashamed of myself for it because without trust you can't have a happy relationship. You can't be suspicious and mistrusting of somebody you have vowed to love and cherish and not have things fall apart. If my wife ever cheated on me I would never be able to trust her again no matter what she does. I would constantly be checking n her or worried about what she is doing when she is out and it goes on and on. I fell in love with an honest and honorable woman and if she proves to be the opposite of that what do we have? There will be no sitting in limbo and no ultimatums nor will I demand that she cut contact with the OM. There will also certainly be no begging or pleading or me trying to please a woman who in reality wrong me instead of the other way around. I will simply tell her I want a divorce the minute I found out. Oh yea. If I ever marry again, and she cheats, it's 100% over. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Won't be dealing with it ever again.
redtail Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 ... If my wife ever cheated on me I would never be able to trust her again... Yes, this is true for me also. I had this discussion with my (second) wife that I have a zero tolerence policy. It's largely due to the affairs my first wife had, once bitten, etc... I know there are some who have made it work and I respect their success, I just know I couldn't rebuild that kind of breach of trust.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I think everyone says that..until they are faced with it. I have always been the advocate for dumping the cheater so to speak. But when it hits you in the head...and as tough and almighty as you sound now...you seriously won't know till you deal with it head on...thats IF you have as great a marriage as you explain. Sometimes the positive does outweigh the negative.
Author Woggle Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 I dumped my first wife for cheating though the marriage was horrible in the few months leading up to it.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Oh yea. If I ever marry again, and she cheats, it's 100% over. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Won't be dealing with it ever again. I also agree with this. I will never put myself through the bullcrap of working out another infedility in my life. Fool me once..shame on you..fool me twice...your ass is soooooooo gone!
bentnotbroken Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I also agree with this. I will never put myself through the bullcrap of working out another infedility in my life. Fool me once..shame on you..fool me twice...your ass is soooooooo gone! If you have an ass left to be gone.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I dumped my first wife for cheating though the marriage was horrible in the few months leading up to it. So I clearly see where your coming from then. I would do the exact same if there was any other form of infedility on my h's part...or any future relations if they were to exsist.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 If you have an ass left to be gone. lol..exactly!
make me believe Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I agree completely. If my fiance cheated on me, I would never be able to look at him the same way. He would be a totally different person to me. NOTHING would be the same again and there's no way the trust would be regained. Plus, I've seen people "work it out" after an infidelity. It NEVER seems to actually go away, even after years. I would be gone the second I found out about it. If he doesn't care enough about our relationship or about me to remain faithful, why should I care enough to go through the pain of trying to overcome his infidelity? There's absolutely no way!
Distant78 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 If he doesn't care enough about our relationship or about me to remain faithful, why should I care enough to go through the pain of trying to overcome his infidelity? There's absolutely no way! You hit the nail on the head with that question. I tried with my ex-wife, but I just couldn't deal with her infidelity and disrespect no more. I told my girl if she has a problem with me to open her freaking mouth because if I find out she did something sneaky with another guy, it's over.
hoping2heal Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I like peace of mind and I like being able to relax and not be constantly stressed and worried about things I not have to be that way about. This is why if my wife ever cheats it is over. I give her my complete trust and I do not question her about going out, male friends or any of that. I snooped once during a dark time and I am ashamed of myself for it because without trust you can't have a happy relationship. You can't be suspicious and mistrusting of somebody you have vowed to love and cherish and not have things fall apart. If my wife ever cheated on me I would never be able to trust her again no matter what she does. I would constantly be checking n her or worried about what she is doing when she is out and it goes on and on. I fell in love with an honest and honorable woman and if she proves to be the opposite of that what do we have? There will be no sitting in limbo and no ultimatums nor will I demand that she cut contact with the OM. There will also certainly be no begging or pleading or me trying to please a woman who in reality wrong me instead of the other way around. I will simply tell her I want a divorce the minute I found out. I feel the same way. We have a great relationship and we are are both honest with eachother, even though sometimes that honesty has caused upset or hurt. I would take that any day of the week over living a bunch of lies to "keep the peace". I love the deep level of intimacy we share and it is very special to me. I couldn't look at him the same way again if that is what he did. However, I can't see that happening ever anyway. It's possible sure, anything is possible but not probable. After a couple years together we have worked out a lot of the kinks and are communication is pretty damn great There's really no need for him to go anywhere else because all of his needs are being met and vice versa. Although, we are both against cheating regardless and do not believe in it. This is the kind of connection and love and intimacy I want for the rest of my life, and while it was built after enduring storms and trials - cheating was not one of them and I believe that would be too much.
jnj express Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hey Woggle---that's the proper way to do it----I cringe when I read of these others who become doormats, as they try to save a doomed mge., or stick around for the kids----kids are better off in split happy homes, as opposed to a hatefilled, home with one parent loathing themself for what they have done, and the other parent, either angry, or so depressed they don't function-----better to just end it and move on
seibert253 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I like peace of mind and I like being able to relax and not be constantly stressed and worried about things I not have to be that way about. This is why if my wife ever cheats it is over. I give her my complete trust and I do not question her about going out, male friends or any of that. I snooped once during a dark time and I am ashamed of myself for it because without trust you can't have a happy relationship. You can't be suspicious and mistrusting of somebody you have vowed to love and cherish and not have things fall apart. If my wife ever cheated on me I would never be able to trust her again no matter what she does. I would constantly be checking n her or worried about what she is doing when she is out and it goes on and on. I fell in love with an honest and honorable woman and if she proves to be the opposite of that what do we have? There will be no sitting in limbo and no ultimatums nor will I demand that she cut contact with the OM. There will also certainly be no begging or pleading or me trying to please a woman who in reality wrong me instead of the other way around. I will simply tell her I want a divorce the minute I found out. I said the same thing, until it happened to me. Many variables in the equation caused me to re evaluate this position. I don't regret at all modifying my stance and giving a 2nd chance. So far it's better than ever. Now having said that, my FWW KNOWS there is no 3rd chance. Any repeats, gone in an instant. That is concrete, with no exceptions. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I think everyone says that..until they are faced with it. have faced it, and dealt with it just like everyone else, and myself, is saying. Sometimes the positive does outweigh the negative. the negative of being with a cheater NEVER carries less weight than any positives that were flushed down the crapper.
threebyfate Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Yup, same here. No tolerance for cheating. Just FOD and my lawyer will be in touch.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 have faced it, and dealt with it just like everyone else, and myself, is saying. the negative of being with a cheater NEVER carries less weight than any positives that were flushed down the crapper. Maybe for you yes. But for some maybe not so. For me it was at least giving it a try...still working through that as we speak. Not sure if you threw in the towel right away or not...but if your marriage was crap to begin with..I can see the reasoning for it. But when a couple has a good past...(postive) as opposed to a crappy one..then maybe working something out may be in the best interest for all parties involved. Although I do find a trend here. Women do seem to have more of that ability to work things through the whole betrayal ordeal as opposed to men. Why is that?
dreamingoftigers Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I am not sure that my marriage will work out at this point because of his infidelity. I can say though that never again will I treat myself so poorly as to reach out to someone that treats me like this. Child or no child. If he tries his BS again, he can go rot.
fltc Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Woggle and I see eye to eye. I know myself and if another cheated on me as did my girl friend of years back, she'd be gone too! NOTE: For those who have read my tale, I did continue with my girlfriend after she told me what she'd done and the sex was great but the dumping was a mental decision, the idea of marriage to her changed from "We're going to get married someday" to "No way in HELL!" Her status switched from "future wife" to "girl I'm currently screwing".
Dexter Morgan Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Maybe for you yes. But for some maybe not so. For me it was at least giving it a try...still working through that as we speak. Not sure if you threw in the towel right away or not it took a month. only reason I contemplated not divorcing in that month was because of my kids. ...but if your marriage was crap to begin with..I can see the reasoning for it. it was crap because I found out she was a serial cheater. funny how people come out of the woodwork to tell you all the things your spouse has done AFTER they find out you are getting a divorce. and even if I didn't perceive the marriage as crap, it was crap once I found out she was a cheater. But when a couple has a good past...(postive) as opposed to a crappy one..then maybe working something out may be in the best interest for all parties involved. I think it may be in the best interest for the cheater, and the kids, but not the betrayed spouse. I know alot of people may think its in their best interest to keep their cheater...but I just dont see it knowing that there are better people out there that will treat them right. Although I do find a trend here. Women do seem to have more of that ability to work things through the whole betrayal ordeal as opposed to men. Why is that? I think because most men don't see any reason to invest anything more emotionally when they find out their wives have been riding the baloney poney of some other guy. Kind of kills it for us. I think most of us will end up seeing "CHEATER" stamped across their foreheads, and therefore don't want to be with a woman and have to think that the rest of our lives.
Distant78 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I think because most men don't see any reason to invest anything more emotionally when they find out their wives have been riding the baloney poney of some other guy. Kind of kills it for us. I think most of us will end up seeing "CHEATER" stamped across their foreheads, and therefore don't want to be with a woman and have to think that the rest of our lives. Yup. We men don't like seeing or imagining our woman with another man.
Linda9999 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I always said the same thing. Till it happened. Things with us are the best they've been since very early in our relationship.
Author Woggle Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 I can't speak for other men but I simply can't be with a woman I do not trust. I have better things to do with my life.
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