Kjax Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 My SO and I have been together for over 3 years, 9 months of that long distance and a little over a year living together in a new city. I had always said that I did not necessarily want to get married and that I didn't want to have kids. My feelings started changing when I had my own nieces and nephews growing before my eyes, but I didn't voice this right away. I was loathe to make deep commitments (re: permanent choices) anyways. But we were great for each other, complementary and balancing. I had my issues when we first moved (unemployed, depressed, no friends, resulting in drinking to excess), but things were looking better. Then SO received a wedding invitation for some friends that had started dating about a year after we did. "But you're not ready for that, right?" SO said, prompting a discussion about how I had thought about marriage, but that I wanted to get the rest of my life stabilized first (career direction, education, travel if necessary). I thought that we had smoothed things out. A week later, after travelling for work, I was excited because we had officially been living together for over a year. "Do you remember our conversation the other night?" SO said. "I thought that you said that if I need to look at schools and work opportunities, go ahead," I replied. Apparently, what SO had meant was to break up. Everything else about our relationship was awesome, and I could definitely stay and live with SO and continue on, looking for opportunities, and if we decided to part ways, we would. SO became significantly more withdrawn, cold. Apologized for it a few weeks later without prompting, but then a week after that I felt that it was apparent that SO may have feelings for someone else, or at the very least not love me anymore. I asked SO how they would feel if I had changed my mind, about everything. They said that they had already started withdrawing from the relationship, and didn't think it would work. I said that I would move out the next day, to a friend's house. After work the next day, I realized that I needed to drop back and get my glasses (crying and a night without sleep had worn my contacts dry). SO caught me on my way back out to the car from the house, asked if I wanted to spend one last night together. We did, then I left the next afternoon. A few weeks later it all became clear. My career path, my reasons for barring the idea of children from my mind, the irrationality of my fear to commit forever to someone that I loved so much. I drove back after work, asked SO to think about for as long as they needed, date other people, act single, and let me know when they had decided, but that I had made my decision, and that was to pursue this new career path (which fits with theirs pretty swimmingly), get married and ready for kids in 5-ish years, and try to make a go of it at that level. SO said absolutely, no need to wait, but that they wanted to make sure that I was making secure and logical decisions. Over the next few weeks we met up for platonic hangouts, but the last time we just gave in, and it was amazing. I called SO a few days later before leaving for some vacation time back home, talked about meeting up again after that, and noticed with a pang that they didn't call me by my nickname. Four days after that, I had to run back to the house to get some things for my trip. I walked inside, and found all of the evidence that I needed that SO had slept with the person for whom I had my suspicions that they may have had feelings. I'd never seriously considered it, because I have tons of friends of the opposite sex, and far be it from me to keep them from doing the same. I called and asked to work it out. SO said "I love you, but we can't be together right now." Moved the rest of my stuff out after my trip, with SO's help. Apparently this friend of ours was prepared to leave the state the night that they had hooked up, only two days before I discovered the scene of the crime, and SO insisted yet again that there had been nothing between them before that. Since then, I have had to make contact three times during the past two months. First was a text about money owed to me, SO texted back saying it would have to wait but that they had some of my minor things still. I didn't respond to that, and the next day SO pocket dialed me, leaving a lovely 4 minute message with new honey. Waited two weeks to respond to SO's last text about picking up some insignificant stuff but finally said to let me know when the money was in order and then we could me up, because it was probably better if we just sorted everything out all at once. SO texted immediately back and then called (even though it was 1 am early Friday morning), and then we had an unnecessarily long conversation at their insistence. Today I had to call about some paperwork that I need their help with for residency. Too complex for a text message, short notice, and fairly urgent, so it had to be phone call. Again we talked, SO extending the conversation longer than necessary. We are always amicable, and I want to give myself space (no unnecessary contact, dating new people, seeing/doing new things, psychics (I know), therapy, gym, etc.), but there are these lingering wonders if SO misses me at all, if there is a slight possibility in the future. I need to grow. So does SO. I always wondered if the my role was just a position that SO needed to fill, or if SO really loved me. I was always commitment-phobe yet prude, meaning that I found not-so-close friends to hang out with and discard if they ever seemed to catch feelings. SO was my first and my first official SO at the ripe age of 22. I let my guard down for SO, and they made me open up to all of these wonderful possibilities, only to cheat on me and immediately move on to another person. Are the psychics possibly onto something (they've been fairly dead-on, and I have a brilliant poke face) when they say that SO might re-enter the picture, and am I wrong to hope that we might get together when we're both better people? Or had SO moved on way before I ever noticed, only to leave me with one final confusing signal before completely destroying our relationship?
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