justsam Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Hey. I'm new to this site. I came here to try and understand why so many people that have been "victimized"(infidelity), by their significant other can find remorse in their hearts for such actions. Although I am not in a serious relationship right now, I have found it necessary to break-off a relationship because of disrespect to my person by a certain someone with a wandering eye. I have also been around people who carry-on affairs, even with their acquaintance's spouses. To hear them talk of their conquests is just sickening. I have even been hit-on by these females, before they initiated these affairs with other people- one has even labeled me gay because I didn't respond to her advances. Personally, I have had my share of conquests, but not with people who are involved with others. Call me an old-fashioned guy, but I'm not down with the O.P.P I've had many monogamous relationships, and have even been involved in a menage e troi. From what I get, the people involved in theses affairs are addicted to the taboo and secrecy that goes with such behavior. What bothers me the most is that these women are totally getting taken for a ride-LITERALLY! I have sisters who are married, so I wouldn't want this to happen to them. The way us guys carry-on about our conquests, especially taking another mans wife/girlfriend is downright fiendish. These guys totally emasculate these other guys by describing the sex acts- complete with re-enactments on a table or couch. Then they turn to totally destroy the woman in question by telling in detail how good or bad they are in bed. I heard one guy say that his buddy's wife was a "dead ****." Look, I'm totally into having a couple of beers with the fellas and discussing our sexual adventures, but not when the person in question is an acquaintance- WTF! To all these women who are in such situations, man... the things that are being said about you are not good. It's also funny to me when such people carry-on like no one knows- ARE YOU F!@#ING SERIOUS! Believe me when I tell you that someone knows or has figured it out. Have a little more respect for yourselves. To the guys who are out there and have been done wrong- HOW THE F!@K can you endure such disrespect. I mean another man has taken your wife's womanhood along with your manhood. I didn't blink once when this chick thought I was kidding about my stance on the subject. I honestly would have liked to stay with her, but the damage was done. Sure it was hard, but necessary all the same. I keep reading about people who give one, two, even three chances, help me understand- WHY? I would never let it go that far; this is because the consequences of such an "infraction" are costly.
karnak Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Affairs are complicated mess. And they come from people with messed psyches. And don't get fooled. Women are just as mean as men in relation to the affairs. And yes, they also joke about their affair partner's sexual performance. In some ways women and men are completely different. In others we're just the same. Libido and sexual lust is one of those fields in which we're identical.
Iconoclast Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I keep reading about people who give one, two, even three chances, help me understand- WHY? Well, many don't see it coming, and they are in love. Many times here are children involved and the idea of becoming a part time parent is unthinkable. Many are in trauma, and have had their future and past ripped out from under them (despair fog). Many don't want to have their comfortable way of life completely upended. That's just an opener. Don't judge the victims. The bigger question is knowing the risks, death, stalking, disease, financial ruin, social ruin, mental problems, loss of family, friends and respect, damage to children...why would someone engage in an affair? These consequences are not hidden, everyone knows this, yet they still proceed, even seek it, and then they squawk like victims when faced with the consequences.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hey. I'm new to this site. I came here to try and understand why so many people that have been "victimized"(infidelity), by their significant other can find remorse in their hearts for such actions. Although I am not in a serious relationship right now, I have found it necessary to break-off a relationship because of disrespect to my person by a certain someone with a wandering eye. I have also been around people who carry-on affairs, even with their acquaintance's spouses. To hear them talk of their conquests is just sickening. I have even been hit-on by these females, before they initiated these affairs with other people- one has even labeled me gay because I didn't respond to her advances. Personally, I have had my share of conquests, but not with people who are involved with others. Call me an old-fashioned guy, but I'm not down with the O.P.P I've had many monogamous relationships, and have even been involved in a menage e troi. From what I get, the people involved in theses affairs are addicted to the taboo and secrecy that goes with such behavior. What bothers me the most is that these women are totally getting taken for a ride-LITERALLY! I have sisters who are married, so I wouldn't want this to happen to them. The way us guys carry-on about our conquests, especially taking another mans wife/girlfriend is downright fiendish. These guys totally emasculate these other guys by describing the sex acts- complete with re-enactments on a table or couch. Then they turn to totally destroy the woman in question by telling in detail how good or bad they are in bed. I heard one guy say that his buddy's wife was a "dead ****." Look, I'm totally into having a couple of beers with the fellas and discussing our sexual adventures, but not when the person in question is an acquaintance- WTF! To all these women who are in such situations, man... the things that are being said about you are not good. It's also funny to me when such people carry-on like no one knows- ARE YOU F!@#ING SERIOUS! Believe me when I tell you that someone knows or has figured it out. Have a little more respect for yourselves. To the guys who are out there and have been done wrong- HOW THE F!@K can you endure such disrespect. I mean another man has taken your wife's womanhood along with your manhood. I didn't blink once when this chick thought I was kidding about my stance on the subject. I honestly would have liked to stay with her, but the damage was done. Sure it was hard, but necessary all the same. I keep reading about people who give one, two, even three chances, help me understand- WHY? I would never let it go that far; this is because the consequences of such an "infraction" are costly. I had your mindset most of my life and can probably speak for most BS's on the forum as well...until well I got cheated on. Totally different scenario when theres kids...a home..family...the whole hoopla so to speak. Hard to say what you would do until you are faced with it head on. Can people work through hell yeah...with lots of work and patience of course. Nothing in life is easy. The part about your buddies screwing each others wives doesnt sound like the typical scenario unless someone got a beating or went back home to their trailers! :S
confusedinkansas Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hey. I'm new to this site. I came here to try and understand why so many people that have been "victimized"(infidelity), by their significant other can find remorse in their hearts for such actions. Although I am not in a serious relationship right now, I have found it necessary to break-off a relationship because of disrespect to my person by a certain someone with a wandering eye. I have also been around people who carry-on affairs, even with their acquaintance's spouses. To hear them talk of their conquests is just sickening. I have even been hit-on by these females, before they initiated these affairs with other people- one has even labeled me gay because I didn't respond to her advances. Personally, I have had my share of conquests, but not with people who are involved with others. Call me an old-fashioned guy, but I'm not down with the O.P.P I've had many monogamous relationships, and have even been involved in a menage e troi. From what I get, the people involved in theses affairs are addicted to the taboo and secrecy that goes with such behavior. What bothers me the most is that these women are totally getting taken for a ride-LITERALLY! I have sisters who are married, so I wouldn't want this to happen to them. The way us guys carry-on about our conquests, especially taking another mans wife/girlfriend is downright fiendish. These guys totally emasculate these other guys by describing the sex acts- complete with re-enactments on a table or couch. Then they turn to totally destroy the woman in question by telling in detail how good or bad they are in bed. I heard one guy say that his buddy's wife was a "dead ****." Look, I'm totally into having a couple of beers with the fellas and discussing our sexual adventures, but not when the person in question is an acquaintance- WTF! To all these women who are in such situations, man... the things that are being said about you are not good. It's also funny to me when such people carry-on like no one knows- ARE YOU F!@#ING SERIOUS! Believe me when I tell you that someone knows or has figured it out. Have a little more respect for yourselves. To the guys who are out there and have been done wrong- HOW THE F!@K can you endure such disrespect. I mean another man has taken your wife's womanhood along with your manhood. I didn't blink once when this chick thought I was kidding about my stance on the subject. I honestly would have liked to stay with her, but the damage was done. Sure it was hard, but necessary all the same. I keep reading about people who give one, two, even three chances, help me understand- WHY? I would never let it go that far; this is because the consequences of such an "infraction" are costly. Yes the consequences are costly when an affair happens. No doubt about it. But (& I can only speak for my specific situation) When you've been married for many many years, have gotten over many other obstacles & hardships in a marriage, have children, house payments, car payments & did I mention MANY years together..........There are folks out there that actually choose to FORGIVE the "Infraction", stick it out with their spouse, work things out & end up having a MUCH BETTER MARRIAGE after the fact.
bentnotbroken Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Yes the consequences are costly when an affair happens. No doubt about it. But (& I can only speak for my specific situation) When you've been married for many many years, have gotten over many other obstacles & hardships in a marriage, have children, house payments, car payments & did I mention MANY years together..........There are folks out there that actually choose to FORGIVE the "Infraction", stick it out with their spouse, work things out & end up having a MUCH BETTER MARRIAGE after the fact. Completely agree. And there are folks out there who forgive the infraction and move on to have a much better life without the person who betrayed them. Either choice should be honored and respected. It takes a lot of courage for a BS to do either.
seibert253 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Yes the consequences are costly when an affair happens. No doubt about it. But (& I can only speak for my specific situation) When you've been married for many many years, have gotten over many other obstacles & hardships in a marriage, have children, house payments, car payments & did I mention MANY years together..........There are folks out there that actually choose to FORGIVE the "Infraction", stick it out with their spouse, work things out & end up having a MUCH BETTER MARRIAGE after the fact. Raising my hand on this one. All of us fail in life and one time or another, engage in actions totally out of character. The test of character is not, not screwing up, but what you do after you screw up. Making ammends, righting the wrong, and never reengaging the behavior shows the truely remorseful heart. If that's what you're working with, forgiving and moving forward is attainable. It's alot of work, but in my instance well worth it.
rowell2024 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I think one reason that some betrayed partners give second or third chances is because they've invested in the relationship financially and emotionally, especially when children are involved. In my case, I was cheated on by my first wife, but we didn't have kids and had only been married a few years with no joint assets yet. And she wasn't remorseful at all. It was much easier to cut my losses and move on. My current wife, already having known what my first wife did to me, ended up having a long distance EA with an old boyfriend in another country that she met on facebook. This time however, we're into our 21st year of marriage, with kids, joint assets, etc. Plus she seems completely remorseful and transparent...I think. Trust will have to be rebuilt.
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