There's something about women who multi-date

[elaina]

...that puts me off. Don't really know what it is, but when I find out a girl I'm dating is seeing/dating other men, it really does turn me off.

 

I don't really know how to put it into words, something clicks, and red flags are raised. It just strikes me as scandalous/Jersey Shorish. Are there other men out there who feel the same?

 

I tried multidating once... and I accidentally called one guy the other guys' name. Lol.... guys don't like that very much I found out.

 

Anyways, it's impossible for me too, because in my heart, there's only room for 1 man anyways.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Anyways, it's impossible for me too, because in my heart, there's only room for 1 man anyways.

 

I've noticed women who don't multi-date tend to say this.

 

I do my best to avoid multi dating too, because I don't feel it's right to give my date only 1/2 of my attention.

 

So... what does that say about those who DO multi-date? Are those guys and gals natural cheats?

[aerogurl87]

I can't do it, multi dating is not for me. When I find a guy I like, I focus on him and only him. Plus I don't find multi dating to be conducive to building a good foundation with someone if you're looking to be in a LTR. Now if you just want to date for kicks, then I guess it's fine. But I find the best way to get to know a person is to date and focus on them and only them. That way you're not trying to remember if it was John, Jake, or Fred who was allergic to seafood or whatever other madness you have to remember while dating.

[tigressA]

It's funny some people really think it's that difficult to keep stories straight. I just look at it as making new friends--if you go to a party and strike up conversation with several people and they become your new friends, what, it's difficult to remember that one of them has dogs and another is allergic to cats, while yet another has a cockatoo?

[aerogurl87]

To me dating is the prerequisite to a relationship. And the prerequisite to dating is what I call "talking". I can talk to multiple guys, but for me that means just hanging out, texting, talking on the phone and not actually going on a date together. It's like that grey area between friends and potential boyfriend material. I actually ended things with one guy a few years back because he got angry when he found out I hung out with this other guy all weekend when I went to visit a friend of mine. He said "we were talking, why were you with him all weekend?" And I told him "because talking is what friends do, but dating is what lovers do."

 

But when it gets to dating, I can't go for more than one person. I'd feel like I'm cheating myself out of getting to know them fully and like they aren't getting me 100%.

Edited December 18, 2010 by aerogurl87

[Sarah1977]

You assume anyone who disagrees with your dating style is insecure? Sad.

 

I'm not sad. I'm happy!

 

Let me put it to you like this... If I'm buying you dinner, you better not be physical with anyone else. If you want to go on dates... fine.

 

Multi dating DOES NOT equal sleeping around. I don't ever go past a QUICK kiss with these guys. My theory is, if the guy is good enough to touch my boobies, he's good enough for me to cut the other guys loose.

 

Further, when I multi date, I go dutch, so the guy is not spending money on me.

 

Also... It's been more than one time on a second or third date that a woman has repeated the same story from the first date... or referenced something we never talked about.

 

If you are multi dating... your probably mixing stuff like this up and the guys just don't notice or don't call you out on it. It's VERY common if you are seeing more than 3 guys at a time.

 

Sorry, not a moron. I've never even remotely come close to doing something like this. How silly.

[LimboNewb]

Multi dating DOES NOT equal sleeping around. I don't ever go past a QUICK kiss with these guys. My theory is, if the guy is good enough to touch my boobies, he's good enough for me to cut the other guys loose.

 

If this is the normal definition of multi-dating then I have no major problem with it though I can't say I've ever done it myself--usually because it only takes one to know if there should be a second. And regarding the sleeping around part--how awkward is to ask "you're not sleeping with anyone else right?" because there's only 3 answers and the results are probably bad in all cases: "Yes..." "No! [indignant]" "[calmly] No, of course not <questioning stare>".

[flying]

This is very interesting. I suspect that for many people (excepting the OP and others who have gender standards for this sort of thing) the inclination to multi-date or not probably has more to do with whether they are extroverted or introverted.

 

I'm a pretty strong introvert, so even the thought of multi-dating is exhausting. I vastly prefer to focus energy on one person at a time. But I don't think it's a moral thing, just a preference thing. I would of course prefer that any guy I dated did the same by me - I consider that to be just compatibility.

 

But I don't think that people who multi-date are necessarily morally corrupt. I think they just like meeting and hanging out with brand-new people a lot more than I do.

 

This is assuming that everything's above-board, of course. Lying and using people is a whole other matter.

[LimboNewb]

Flying: You are probably right in general--though I will say my increase in extroversion has not increased my propensity to want to multi-date. (Though it probably has increased the number of people I would talk to as a prelude to dating).

 

But yes, they are morally corrupt (j/k)