fishtaco Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 But believing such blankets statements either way could mean you just don't like to think very hard when passing judgment on others. I was being sarcastic, since people on both sides are throwing insults at each other. Anyway, care to join my data collection attempt? Or you stopped reading my post after the first sentence?
sally4sara Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I was being sarcastic, since people on both sides are throwing insults at each other. Anyway, care to join my data collection attempt? Or you stopped reading my post after the first sentence? I know you were being sarcastic. Too many insults being thrown around making it feel like anything posted is an insult? My last line was not for your benefit so much as it was for those who subscribe to blanket statements. And I can't participate in the data collection; I'm married as a result of multi dating and FWB turning serious.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 So maybe instead of big city/small town, it's the culturally standard amount of game playing that determines if multi-dating is the norm? My world view is skewed, since I only know Southern California dating. Maybe other people can chime in so see if my theory is right or crap. So I'll start... if people are interested in this data collection attempt. Fishtaco - multi dater, Southern California, high population density, world famous for game playing Maybe, I think it has a lot to do with attractiveness aswell. If you are attractive, you will probably have many dating options and there's no harm in testing the waters to find the person best matched for you. That's not to say that everyone who is attractive multidates and everyone who isn't doesn't. loveroflove&stuff- multi dater, Australia, Melbourne, low population density
donnamaybe Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 My guess is because some of you fella's have a fragile ego. Nailed it Joe.
fishtaco Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I know you were being sarcastic. Too many insults being thrown around making it feel like anything posted is an insult? My last line was not for your benefit so much as it was for those who subscribe to blanket statements. And I can't participate in the data collection; I'm married as a result of multi dating and FWB turning serious. Oh ok. Well you quoted me and specifically said "you", so I thought you meant you as in me. But there's no plural "you" in English, so it's a potential for miscommunication I guess. But yes, this thread is kind of hostile, so you can't blame me for assuming another shot is being fired. overoflove&stuff- multi dater, Australia, Melbourne, low population density Well, high/low population density isn't looking good at this point LOL. How's the game playing where you are at?
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Well, high/low population density isn't looking good at this point LOL. How's the game playing where you are at? lowish in my experience.
sally4sara Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Oh ok. Well you quoted me and specifically said "you", so I thought you meant you as in me. But there's no plural "you" in English, so it's a potential for miscommunication I guess. But yes, this thread is kind of hostile, so you can't blame me for assuming another shot is being fired. Well, high/low population density isn't looking good at this point LOL. How's the game playing where you are at? It was hostile right out of the gate. The title says it all. It might as well have been titled "lets denigrate women for multi dating; no point in focusing on men because its perfectly okay for men to do no matter what their motive is". But that would be a stupid long title.
LoveAintEverything Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I would have to agree with you(opposite) like why would you even bother with them if they are seeing other people...i dont no..to me it comes off as like a slut.....and they are selfish...why would u want to get into something like that you no>
Woggle Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Mr Dream Merchant is a complete hypocrite because he won't practice what he preaches. Relationship minded women should not date players either if they want success in dating and women who multi-date are just female versions of players. I won't sit here and call them names but relationship material they are not.
NeoGen85 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 So...mulit-dating is a bad thing? I thought that was all apart of the "dating scene". I thought both men and women go one dates with multiple people to figure out what's best for them. When my first serious girlfriend and I broke up my family made me realize a few things about relationships in general. And I was surprise my father[of all people] said I should date to find out what I like before "courting"(anyone remember that word) another women. Right now I feel like I'm in a position where there's a lot in my life I'm still looking forward to doing. Not to mention things are changing in great ways for me. I'm currently dating multiple women who know that at this moment that I'm not wanting to jump into a immediate relationship and I'm just looking to have a good time(I'm not talking about sex at all). One woman is a friend of mine I've know for about a year who lives in LA. I live in Charleston; but when we see each other(because of business affairs) we spend time together and enjoy each others company. And the long distance makes it easier(depending on how you look at). Another girl is someone I met at a bar downtown, and I'm not too fond of meeting women that way. But we discover that we had many things in common, and so we get together from time to time. She also is dating another man too from what I've heard. There was a third woman I was initially attracted to but we realized that we were becoming the best of friends without the romance which was the better.
fishtaco Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 lowish in my experience. There goes my theory... LOL It was hostile right out of the gate. The title says it all. It might as well have been titled "lets denigrate women for multi dating; no point in focusing on men because its perfectly okay for men to do no matter what their motive is". I think it's interesting topic, but unfortunately, like you said, it became more about calling people sluts and stuff. Well anyway I did my part. I already put in my 2 cents that I multi date, and I think women should multi date too. I feel like I'm in the minority in this thread for some reason, which is kind of surprising because my experience is that most people multi date. But then again, inter-racial dating is very prevalent here too, but some places that's a big no-no. And you'll get people calling each other names too when it comes to that. So I think my theory is right in the sense that it's based on geography, and just a part of the local dating culture. But my theory that it's based on population density or the amount of game playing seems to be wrong. At the end of the day, all is fair in love and war, we are all responsible for doing what it takes to protect ourselves. That is all.
phineas Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Mr Dream Merchant is a complete hypocrite because he won't practice what he preaches. Relationship minded women should not date players either if they want success in dating and women who multi-date are just female versions of players. I won't sit here and call them names but relationship material they are not. yes & no. Women that go out with you but go dutch & leave it as "hanging out" are not players. They are women going out & having fun with multiple people. I do it also. I'm not sleeping with anyone or even making out with them. I'm getting to know them to determine if their someone I want to spend money on (date) Women who "date" multiple men, that is let multiple men take them out & spend money on them without letting these men know they are doing the same thing with other men are players. Their using men for their attention/wallet just like male players use women for sex. I can only assume I have been going out with the former because I don't spend a dime on these girls, have a blast & they definitely know that it is not a platonic "just friends" situation. However I might only see them a few times a month. Until one of them shows above level interest in me. (starts texting or calling frequently) I basically only hit them up every few weeks to see what is going on. Sex would be nice but after the last chick I was seeing led me on big time a GF just isn't a priority to me right now.
NeoGen85 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 There goes my theory... LOL I think it's interesting topic, but unfortunately, like you said, it became more about calling people sluts and stuff. Well anyway I did my part. I already put in my 2 cents that I multi date, and I think women should multi date too. I feel like I'm in the minority in this thread for some reason, which is kind of surprising because my experience is that most people multi date. But then again, inter-racial dating is very prevalent here too, but some places that's a big no-no. And you'll get people calling each other names too when it comes to that. So I think my theory is right in the sense that it's based on geography, and just a part of the local dating culture. But my theory that it's based on population density or the amount of game playing seems to be wrong. At the end of the day, all is fair in love and war, we are all responsible for doing what it takes to protect ourselves. That is all. I think a lot of people start throwing in factors that eventually do make relationships more serious. For example sex or overwhelming affection. Dating eventually does turn into a serious relationship when you're with the right person; multi-dating or not.
phineas Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I think a lot of people start throwing in factors that eventually do make relationships more serious. For example sex or overwhelming affection. Dating eventually does turn into a serious relationship when you're with the right person; multi-dating or not. I'm actually looking forward to trying out online dateing after the holidays. Just to see what happens.
NeoGen85 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I'm actually looking forward to trying out online dateing after the holidays. Just to see what happens. My best friend and I have been curious about that too. When you see it on TV is just looks too intriguing. But right now I'm having fun with the two ladies I see now. Like you said, we don't see each other all the time but when we do it is well time spent.
fishtaco Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Dating eventually does turn into a serious relationship when you're with the right person; multi-dating or not. Exactly. To me, it's the intent that matters. If the goal is to date and have fun, then whether the person is multi dating or not, that person will NOT get serious with you. If the goal is to get into LTR, then when the time is right, whether mutli dating or not, things will get serious. I feel it's more important to find someone with the same intent, than someone that multi dates or not.
zengirl Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I make good money myself, but I don't know any guy that "takes pleasure" in spending his money on someone. Guys do this because they feel it is required or the right thing to do, but I don't see how the mere act of spending money could possibly be construed as a fun thing to do. My boyfriend does, and he's not the only guy I've dated who says so. As I said, this may be cultural. I didn't find it to be true when I was abroad, and it might not even be so in the North. I have experienced it frequently in the South. Just the same way I feel pleasure in making a nice meal for my guy and would be unhappy to be with a guy who didn't want me to cook for him. Or it may be just the guys I meet. I never put out expectations for it, and my boyfriend really prefers to pay for the check -- particularly if we're out with other people. He gets a bit uncomfortable if I reach for a check with his or my friends around, BUT he's never going to be aggressive or a jerk about it.
112233 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Whether they are honest and call it multi-dating or traditional and call it "just friends", many women multi-date. Most good looking women, in fact. Get over it, if it bothers you do what I do and multi-date yourself.
fishtaco Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Get over it, if it bothers you do what I do and multi-date yourself. How do you multi-date yourself? Right hand on Friday and left hand on Saturday? Sorry... couldn't resist.
LexiB Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Exactly. To me, it's the intent that matters. If the goal is to date and have fun, then whether the person is multi dating or not, that person will NOT get serious with you. If the goal is to get into LTR, then when the time is right, whether mutli dating or not, things will get serious. I feel it's more important to find someone with the same intent, than someone that multi dates or not. I agree 100%
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 However I might only see them a few times a month. Until one of them shows above level interest in me. (starts texting or calling frequently) I basically only hit them up every few weeks to see what is going on. This is where multi-dating doesn't make sense to me. How can you expect someone, man or woman, to express higher interest in you when you limit interactions to once every few weeks?
phineas Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 This is where multi-dating doesn't make sense to me. How can you expect someone' date=' man or woman, to express higher interest in you when you limit interactions to once every few weeks?[/quote'] The down side is it takes longer for someone to express higher interest, but it will happen eventually from someone. The upside is I can't become attached to a woman I only interact with them every few weeks. I only see two right now & I keep contact to basically setting up times to go out.
lso802 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 As long as she's not my gf and is respectful (not checking her phone 24/7) while we're on a date, I don't care what she does with her time. It's her business.
EasyHeart Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I don't "multidate" (at least I don't think I do) and I don't want to date a woman that "multidates" (or at least I don't think I do). Of course, no one has defined what "Multidating" means, so this whole thread is pretty worthless. Not that that's stopped many of you licensed mental health professionals from declaring that any man who opposes "multidating" has psychological problems. Thanks for that; we've come to expect it. I'm picky about who I date, and I want to date women who are also picky about who they date. When I go out with someone, I want to focus on her and have her focus on me. And frankly, I have a life, so I am just too damn busy to go out 5 nights a week. If I go out with a woman who is dating 5 other men, it means (1) that she's more interested in dating than she is in dating me and (2) that the chances of our schedules ever matching up to actually see each other is pretty miniscule. So why would I want to bother with her? I think a lot depends on how mature you are: people who know what they want don't have any interest in dating lots of people; they want to find one healthy, compatible person to date. When i was 25, I had no interest in settling down and I dated pretty much any woman that caught my eye, just to see what happened. Back then, we called it "dating around" or "playing the field". But as I got older, I figured out how to spot women who had a high probability of being compatible with me --- and also to spot the women who would be a waste of my time. And of course, multidating often means sleeping with multiple people. No, it doesn't necessarily mean so, but IME it often does. I have no interest in sleeping with multiple women, and I have no interest in being one of a woman's many bedpartners. Of course, I couldn't care less what other people do. But if a woman is committed to multidating, then I don't want to waste my time with her. I don't want her to go to prison, I don't want her to go to Hell, I don't want to oppress her, and I don't want to dominate or control her. I just don't want to date her. Oh, and my self-esteem is just fine, thank you very much. That's why I don't want to multidate.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I do it. And if a guy has a problem with it, he is probably too insecure for me anyway. With that said, I do insist on going dutch most of the time because I'm not out for free meals. Just company. Personally, I prefer that the man multi date as well. I don't mind a bit of healthy competition and when I'm the only girl he's seeing, I feel waaaayyy too much pressure to like him. If I know I'm just one of a couple of girls and I don't feel a connection, I don't feel so guilty breaking it off. You assume anyone who disagrees with your dating style is insecure? Sad. Let me put it to you like this... If I'm buying you dinner, you better not be physical with anyone else. If you want to go on dates... fine. Also... It's been more than one time on a second or third date that a woman has repeated the same story from the first date... or referenced something we never talked about. If you are multi dating... your probably mixing stuff like this up and the guys just don't notice or don't call you out on it. It's VERY common if you are seeing more than 3 guys at a time.
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