mr.dream merchant Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 ...that puts me off. Don't really know what it is, but when I find out a girl I'm dating is seeing/dating other men, it really does turn me off. I don't really know how to put it into words, something clicks, and red flags are raised. It just strikes me as scandalous/Jersey Shorish. Are there other men out there who feel the same?
deebeechrisyo Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Yeah, I have a problem with it. For me personally, I assume the girl doesn't actually like me, and when we are out on a date it feels more like a job interview than it does two people who like each other having fun. My last girlfriend was definitely not a multi-dater, and it was so fun being with her. Most of the girls I dated since (there have been a number) were multi-daters, and they would be checking their phones every 5 minutes for texts. Whatever happened to good manners?
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 ahuh. This is going to be the "my girlfriend's past" thread all over again. Same principles apply. Same double standards.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 Yeah, I have a problem with it. For me personally, I assume the girl doesn't actually like me, and when we are out on a date it feels more like a job interview than it does two people who like each other having fun. My last girlfriend was definitely not a multi-dater, and it was so fun being with her. Most of the girls I dated since (there have been a number) were multi-daters, and they would be checking their phones every 5 minutes for texts. Whatever happened to good manners? From my experience, women who multi-date usually end up having a string of not so good qualities, that usually comes equipped with being a multi-dater..rude, lack of value/respect for men and/or people, opportunistic (at other's expenses), bitchy, immature, emotionally unstable, lack of self confidence/esteem (usually coupled with attention whore)..etc.
Eclypse Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I only date one woman at a time and expect the people I date to do the same. I don't like the idea that it's like a competition to "win" her.
phineas Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 EVERY woman pushing 40 seems to be multi-dateing. errr, hanging out I mean. It doesn't become dateing until you make it to the top of the pile & earn the right to buy her dinner. But i'm learning the system. When a woman i'm hanging out with gets scarce because she has a new romeo in her in-box or some hot guy asked for her number in the mall I just get scarcer. Except when they try to check up on me to make sure no other woman got my attention when they back burner-ed me. Then I slam the door hard on them. eventually they seem to always come back to me. as if I made it through the first culling. LOL! I also don't spend any money on them or next to no money on them either.
phineas Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I only date one woman at a time and expect the people I date to do the same. I don't like the idea that it's like a competition to "win" her. I had that mentality. I'm slowly adopting the mentality that it's up to her to win ME over.
LexiB Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Well at what point do you expect her to start forsaking all other men - upon agreeing to a first date with you? By the second? I'm trying to figure out exactly when multi-dating becomes ''scandalous'' in your opinion b/c as far as I'm concerned, outside of an exclusive relationship both parties are free to date whomever they please...
hoping2heal Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 ...that puts me off. Don't really know what it is, but when I find out a girl I'm dating is seeing/dating other men, it really does turn me off. I don't really know how to put it into words, something clicks, and red flags are raised. It just strikes me as scandalous/Jersey Shorish. Are there other men out there who feel the same? I don't even understand it. I guess I'm old fashioned. Oh well I am permanently off the market anyway and rightfully so, I don't blend in with these weird rules of dating. Some of the stuff I read blows my mind. I think "What? people really do that?" and not so much in a sense that they are wrong, just I can't fathom it personally and don't understand it.
fishtaco Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 From my experience, women who multi-date usually end up having a string of not so good qualities, that usually comes equipped with being a multi-dater..rude, lack of value/respect for men and/or people, opportunistic (at other's expenses), bitchy, immature, emotionally unstable, lack of self confidence/esteem (usually coupled with attention whore)..etc. From my experience, most women have those "not so good" qualities anyway, whether they multi date or not. In fact, good/not so good women have nothing to do with whether they multi date or not. I wish you could just look at one thing (such as multi dating), and use that to judge a person, that would make things a lot easier. But alas, that's not the case. People tend to be complicated and multi dimensional. But since multi dating has proved to be the right thing to do for me many many times over, I can't be a hypocrite and say I can multi date, but the women can't. So for me, I would say ladies, multi date away. Because I will be too.
northern_sky Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I don't even understand it. I guess I'm old fashioned. Oh well I am permanently off the market anyway and rightfully so, I don't blend in with these weird rules of dating. Some of the stuff I read blows my mind. I think "What? people really do that?" and not so much in a sense that they are wrong, just I can't fathom it personally and don't understand it. Same. I'm not by nature a multi-dater. It always feels slightly icky to me.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 From my experience, most women have those "not so good" qualities anyway, whether they multi date or not. In fact, good/not so good women have nothing to do with whether they multi date or not. I wish you could just look at one thing (such as multi dating), and use that to judge a person, that would make things a lot easier. But alas, that's not the case. People tend to be complicated and multi dimensional. But since multi dating has proved to be the right thing to do for me many many times over, I can't be a hypocrite and say I can multi date, but the women can't. So for me, I would say ladies, multi date away. Because I will be too. more men should take on this attitude.
AverageJoe Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 My guess is because some of you fella's have a fragile ego. I multi-date, why should I assume she isnt seeing anyone else either? Doesnt bother me in the least.
paleblue Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 ehhh.... im not a fan of dealing with it either. I just get turned off also and start looking for someone else to talk too.
tigressA Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I am a proud multi-dater. I don't see a problem with it. I also don't see a problem with dating one person at a time. Live and let live.
northern_sky Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I am a proud multi-dater. I don't see a problem with it. I also don't see a problem with dating one person at a time. Live and let live. Yes, this is my attitude too. Live and let live. I have no problem with other people making this choice. However, I will not multi-date myself or date a guy who I find out is still multi-dating after the first couple of dates.
daphne Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 So what does that mean about guys who multi date? I'm not much into it either after a couple of dates (I generally know by then if I want to pursue anything.) However, it seems with the amount of multi dating that men do I may as well give up on the idea of one guy one girl.
northern_sky Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Yes, this is my attitude too. Live and let live. I have no problem with other people making this choice. However, I will not multi-date myself or date a guy who I find out is still multi-dating after the first couple of dates. Someone posted before I got to add: "I tried this out recently and it really screwed with my head. Def not for me."
Woggle Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Women can do what they want but this is another good way to weed at the women who are nothing but drama.
tigressA Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Someone posted before I got to add: "I tried this out recently and it really screwed with my head. Def not for me." The first time I tried it (last year) it really screwed with my head and I was about to swear it off forever, but I realized I had gotten really carried away with it then. I let it spin out of control. This time I'm doing a much better job, and it's been free of stress and drama.
AverageJoe Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 So what does that mean about guys who multi date? Why would someone (male or female) not choose to multi-date? Why limit yourself? For me it means I have multiple options.
paleblue Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Women can do what they want but this is another good way to weed at the women who are nothing but drama. i have to agree with this. the ones ive generally dealt with who are running around .. well they're still running around. yes, live and let live and if you are in that frame of mind, than go for it, but it gets old wondering if someone is going to be around.
In The Green Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I've been a one guy at a time type also. I don't get attracted or feel a connection to men often so when lightning does strike, its usually with just one guy. I think I would run away from a male multi-dater. I don't need a guy that needs to be convinced to date me, I think I'd just save ourselves the trouble and move on.
Woggle Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 i have to agree with this. the ones ive generally dealt with who are running around .. well they're still running around. yes, live and let live and if you are in that frame of mind, than go for it, but it gets old wondering if someone is going to be around. They can do whatever they want but don't get mad when I decide the only thing I want with a woman like that is some fun.
Eeyore79 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I don't often feel attracted enough to a guy that I want to date him. When I do find a guy I like, I want to give things a decent shot. I won't just date a whole load of random men in the hope that one of them will turn out to be ok, which is basically what multi-dating seems to be about. I tend to wait for someone special, so I usually have exclusive relationships interspersed with periods of singledom.
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