Fiance says she not in love with me anymore

[jmhendric]

Hi I have bin in a relationship for 6yrs with my fiance we had a wonderfull relationship for the firs 3yrs. She loves to go out and have fun and very active. I was very fit and in shape when we met over the past 2 yrs I fell into drinking a-lot and its all a blur. We have had arguments befor many times im leavin shes leavin ect ect. Well On my birthday nov 29 I came home and saw her on the couch with no ring and a Blank stare. She said she was going to stay with her mom well me seeing this was serious I broke down and cryied like a 2yr old asking her why she never told me I had asked her to help me with my drinking in the past and she would just let me do whatever i wanted she said she loves me but not in love with me the way she should be. Well the next morning I got to my senses and said if u want to go then get the f out and she did not I ask If she wants me gone and she said she cant make that desision right now? Ok I admitt for the last 2 yrs if she asked me to do anything with her I flat out refused and stayed home and got drunk. I have not drank 1 drop scince that day and have bin back in the gym and lost 14lbs in 9days. This is the 1st time we have seen a counselor in the relationship and she has only bin there 1 time and finding out some of her issues for the first time in her life. She always has to be the center of attention and thrives on it. I would ask her to go for walk in the park and she say no. Well anything I ask her to do she pretty much said no cuz it wasnt something she wanted to do. So thats why I started refusing to go anywhere with her I was in a sense punishing her for telling me no all the time. Its always what she wants and ur invited by the wayso dont be pissed cuz she said u could come. Well any way i love her very much and without the booze blinding me I am getting my life back on track and going to look like the guy she met 6yrs ago very soon. The thing is we slept in diff beds for 2yrs but scince that night I have slept in her room every night. She is in hawaii this week away for work and she calls me every morning without fail. I just dont know what to do I feel like packin alll my stuff and bail before she gets home cuz she makes me feel like there is no chance left. She does not believe she can feel the way she did about me ever again. I try explaining that its gonna take time and once she see a genuine change in me the feelings can come back. She says she is 38yrs old and does not want to waste anymore of each others time. She reads all theses romance novels and watches those silly tv programs and believes it all at least I think she does. My point is she thinks the grass is greener on the other side and I know if she does not learn how to function in a relationship shes gonna find herself in the same place. All relationships come with highs and low ans she just seems like she rather run than deal with this. I guess her agree to see counslor is a good step but I think shes doing it for herself and not the sake of the relationship. We have a nice home cars and both have good jobs I just dont see how she could even think about throwing it all away when this is the 1st time My eyes are open and showing her genuine change. She does not push me away too much if i try to hug here but not really any hug in return. She says she will keep seeing couslor but cant make me any promis that things are gonna work out and she has like a time limit in here head about the whole thing. I just dont know what to do shld I pack and go or do you think she still loves me and this still might hava chance. I hate not knowing the answer and dont want to wast time in cousil trying if she has in her head she is done.

Edited December 16, 2010 by jmhendric

[Chi townD]

First off, STOP DRINKING!!!! That hurt her the worst! You skipped functions that she wanted to bring you to so you could say at home and get plastured? That made her feel that you valued the bottle more than her. How can she love a guy that she feels doesn't value or respect her? GET TO AA meetings and go regularly. Don't point this out to her, make it a effort that you choose for yourself and not her.

 

Women love the small gestures, opening the door for them, little love notes placed where she can find them in the morning....sending flowers to her at work for no other reason than it's Tuesday. Having a star named after her.

 

She's been hurt and this will take a LONG TIME! Because she may believe the changes are temporary and she waiting for you to revert back to your old ways. SHe's got a big wall up and you're gonna spend a lot of time chipping away to her on the other side.

[jmhendric]

Ok thanx for the reply but to aswer your question when I met my fiance it was in church and I had just bin back from teenchallange a 1 yr christian rehab where I met the lord. My fiance drinks every weekend and loves to go out to bars with friends. I do not need AA the day she left me my whole world came down and I went back to church and have not had 1 drink or smoke since. I am a diff person then I was drinking If we went out she could not understand why I cant drink just a few drinks now she does. I believe all things happen for a reason and My fiance leaving me is what had to happen for me to wake up. I was clean for 4 yrs with my 1st wife and prob 1 yr into this relationship then It started little by little. She knows who I was when she met me and she sees the path im on but yes mabe your right she is used to the same crap but nvr once did she ask me to stop drinking this is my choice. For the sake of this relationship or the next Ive made a promise to myself I will nvr drink again. If there were ever a time for drinkink it would be now while she is away. And I have not a single urge I dont remember much when I drink and its harmed this relationship and drew me afar from my faith and family and friends. But she did allow it to go on not saying any of this is her fault but anyway. I dont know if you are a person of faith but God has touched my life in amazing ways and this happening was his way to bring me back. He gave me the woman of my dreams and I fell short on my end. Being a man of faith does not mean I dont struggle with sin. I am very clear on alot of issues of my own but I torment myself not knowing if this is going to work or not Never the less Gods will be done. I know in my heart running is not the answer and to me her actions say there is still a chance but her words say shes done.

[Citizen Erased]

Yeah, God is great. Except for you're clearly an alcoholic and He isn't going to do anything about that. You haven't had a drink for 3 weeks and you're suddenly cured? It doesn't work that way. But keep yourself in that little "God loves me" hole and lose your fiancée forever.

[jmhendric]

Dude whatever she owns 2 bars and has alot of bikers in her family and she smokes pot everyday. God cured me for 5 years so think what u want I dont need AA She dont care if I drink she just could not comprehend why. If I went out with her tonight and started drinking she would not say a single word

Edited December 16, 2010 by jmhendric

[jmhendric]

Oh and all the functions she wanted me to go to were our camper or her friends party and yes everyone would be drinking. I went to all the holidays never missed 1 I said I refussed because it was always about her and what she wanted .

[PegNosePete]

Dude she is riding one of those bikers from the bar.

[jmhendric]

lol ok She not into bikers lol I don't know what I was thinking posting on one of theses forums.