Broken-Inside Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Hi guys. Theres so much i could say but ill have to narrow it down a bit, so here goes. We met over the internet back in dec 08. We fell in love, but she lived in holland. we did long distance for a year a half. It was hard, painfull, but also full of joy and love. We finally managed to be together permenantly, we got ourselfs a flat here in the uk, she moved out here for me. We were where we wanted to be after all the pain of the long distance. Its been half a year living together, and she recently said she was leaving. She is going to stay with her new work mates. She was so sure i was her one and only, she even had my initials tatooed and the word dreams on her wrist in my handwriting. We were made for each other. And now she is gone. Now let me say, that mall paragraph of words does not compare to what this relationship ment to me/us. She left saying she still loves me, but she thinks this is best for the long run. I am broken inside, i gave up everything for her, she was my world, and we got through the long distance and got to where we had always wanted to be. That person you trust and love so much is just out of your life now..it seems to hard to grasp. I feal torn apart and i just cant find the words to describe the very real pain i feel, we always promised we would never leave eachother. Everyone knew us as seb and iris, thats just how it was, everyone knew we were together, we were even engaged as of last christmas, we had rings, we were just so in love. I am still in love with her, and im sure she is with me, but she is no longer mine, and i am just confused. I never thought this would happen, i never knew it could hurt this bad, she was my soul mate, and even though we had only been together for 2 years, it felt like we had known eachother our whole lifes. I have bags full of photos of our long distance times, so many memories in my flat, and now its just not how it is anymore, i just dont get it. I dont want anyone else, the thought just crushes me, and the thought of her finding somone else hurts even worse... Theres so much more to say, but i guess i should end the general story there. Im on this forum to seek advice and meet new people, and just to unload some of my feelings, im sure there are people who have experianced worse than me, great loses, but still, this hurts bad, real bad, and i wish it would go away.. Apreciate any advice, or comments. thank you
Chi townD Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Okay, did she give a reason why she was leaving?
Author Broken-Inside Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 Becuase she felt she couldnt be herself, and i guess becuase she wanted to be free. Which is hard to accept after all this time this is where we wanted to be, living together, no long distance. Hmm theres so many unanswered questions, i guess maybe ill never really know..
karnak Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Does she have severe emotional issues? I know many people will say she has a lover or something like that. But this could not be the case. Unfortunately, some women are so messed-up in emotional terms (mostly due to their upbringing by crazy parents) that they are afraid of happiness. Weird, and sad, but terribly true. As soon as they start feeling comfortable and that they feel that they've attained what they wanted the most out of life, they begin to obsess about the notion that they'll lose everything they struggled to obtain. And that the loss will destroy them. So, according to their perverted logic they decide to destroy the relationship, so that the guy doesn't destroy it. Crazy, right? Unfortunately I know this all too well, because I saw it happen often with women friends of mine. Because they were afraid of being miserable they brought upon them actions which made them miserable. ARRGH Investigate deeper.
Author Broken-Inside Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 Does she have severe emotional issues? I know many people will say she has a lover or something like that. But this could not be the case. Unfortunately, some women are so messed-up in emotional terms (mostly due to their upbringing by crazy parents) that they are afraid of happiness. Weird, and sad, but terribly true. As soon as they start feeling comfortable and that they feel that they've attained what they wanted the most out of life, they begin to obsess about the notion that they'll lose everything they struggled to obtain. And that the loss will destroy them. So, according to their perverted logic they decide to destroy the relationship, so that the guy doesn't destroy it. Crazy, right? Unfortunately I know this all too well, because I saw it happen often with women friends of mine. Because they were afraid of being miserable they brought upon them actions which made them miserable. ARRGH Investigate deeper. Thats a very interesting insight. Everypart of me wants to just talk to her and beg her to re think this and that is this what she really wants. But i know it wont get me anywhere, and it will just show her how weak i am. Ugh its so confusing, i want to do somthing, i mean this is my dream walking away from me here, my one true love, i really believe that, what should i do:( i have no clue..ugh
karnak Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Thats a very interesting insight. Everypart of me wants to just talk to her and beg her to re think this and that is this what she really wants. But i know it wont get me anywhere, and it will just show her how weak i am. Ugh its so confusing, i want to do somthing, i mean this is my dream walking away from me here, my one true love, i really believe that, what should i do:( i have no clue..ugh If what I stated in my post is true (if there is no other man involved or other type of situation) then you have to be firm and strong. Let her know that you love her and that you'll be there in case she needs. But don't be a wimp. Set your boundaries. I repeat... be strong. Keep in contact with her (at least until you know what is really happening). But don't accept any bull**** from her part.
Author Broken-Inside Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 Its funny you say that. Becuase i have already taken those precautions. I wrote her a letter when she left, saying look, i know your leaving me, but what ever happens down the line, im always going to be here for you, no matter what, and so on. I also will have to see her to collect bill money from her becuase she said she would still help me out becuase i cant afford thise flat on my own and we both signed the lease for 12 months. But my work is making me fulltime now so i will be able to manage on my own in about 2 months. Im sure there is no other man. She was in tears alot of the time through the whole leaving process, she is hurting to and not exactly living it up. I just think it is a fase of anger or somthing and she left, and soon she will realise that it was a mistake, but another part of me says, maybe it really is just over. I mean it hurts, i brought her out here, and six months down the line she is off with her new buddys she barley knows. It just stings, after all i did. I can say i love her so much that if her happiness means being without me then fine, but tht dosnt take the hurt away. Damn its such a confusing time, and it only seems to be getting harder and harder...she was somone i trusted like my mother, you know somone in your life that would never betray you and would always no matter what be there for you. hmm
karnak Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Are you sure she is emotionally stable? That she has no problems with her parents, or an history of physical of emotional abuse? I'd suggest you investigate thoroughly. Women are very good at hiding this kind of stuff (for fear that their issues would drive the men away). Those woman friends I wrote about earlier were like that. You could be with them for years, and during all the time they would seem the most stable, level-headed people on earth. But, as time goes on, you start to notice the incredible amount of mess inside their heads. Really scary stuff sometimes. Interestingly, it seems to get revealed only when these kind of women are in a very stable situation. Apparently, their inner turmoil is so great, and they get so used to it, that they need to create a mess around them so that they can live a "normal" life. As I stated earlier, their parents are usually to blame for all this **** in their heads. All these friends of mine had messed-up parents. Interestingly, I only discovered that after they told me how they acted when no strangers were present.
Author Broken-Inside Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 I guess you could say she misses her parents. Even though the whole 1 and a half years we long distanced, she hated them and she wanted to leave. And then when it came down to it she was upset. But i saw it as normal you know, she had never been away from home, she misses them. But she has left me not to go back, she is just staying with 2 of her work mates ( which one is a lesbian and the other gay) so i know she isnt off with another man. Her parents, in my eyes, are crazy, and i dont like them at all. I meen there nice, but mad in the head, so maybe you are right. But damn, i dont get it. Its very hard to grasp while feeling so much pain. But i understand what you meen about holding strong and not taking crap. She knows where i am, she has my number. But i also know i cant hold onto this hope that she will come back, i know i need to heal..which will take a long time..and its hard to accept that this is what i need to do. Pff what does it have to be so damn hard..so life shattering..
BB07 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I'm sorry broken inside, it's a very painful situation for you. As for the advice telling you to investigate her, I think you should ignore that as she is no longer your g/f and she moved out so as much as it hurts what she does or who she does it with, it is not your concern anymore. Take care!
Author Broken-Inside Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 I understand, i dont plan to stalk her and try to get to the bottom of it. Its still just so tough to accept.
Recommended Posts