HalfStepDown Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Three year bad relationship.... I'm at 9 weeks with NC and been going strong. Today is tough... tough tough tough!! I think it's because now that it's been over 2 months I KNOW she has "been with" other guys and that REALLY bothers me. It's very very saddening. What's weird is she was cheating on me anyway.... I just wish I could stop thinking about it. I've been with other people as well now, so what's up with that??????? I STILL think about it and her and it still hurts and I don't know what to do... I just want to call her and fall back into that warm comfortable place and say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....there. Hmmm.... but is it really warm and comfortable or is it that I just THINK that? I may be when I first land in it...but it will quickly grow to be very cold and hard again like it was. The deceit, lies, manipulation, odd behavior, her not being "nice" just all wrong for me. But, WHY does this DO this to me and WHY do I feel so sad and bad and WHY do I miss it all... OMG! I CANNOT contact her... 9 weeks is too long to break it now! Besides, THAT is what she would want... she "wins" at that point.... help please!!!
SlawKing Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Maybe it was warm and comfortable back then, but it would never be that way again. The trust is gone and you'd always resent her for what she did to you. A relationship can't exist with resentment and distrust like that brewing beneath the surface. The relationship was condemned and now you have to build a whole new one with someone else. I know how much that thought sucks, but you have to convince yourself that it will never work with her again, because it really won't.
Author HalfStepDown Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 yes... that's the whole reason it ended really... it was all brewing under the surface and I had/have so much resentment towards her and all her actions I was boiling up inside all the time. We tried to "make it work" "get past it" "move on from it" but in the end... I ALWAYS knew what she did and was ALWAYS watching and catching odd things she would do... people she would text and carry on with... it was just wrong. But WHYYYYYYYYYYY is it so damn hard to "Move on" and let this whole mess go??? HOW do I do that?????????
OndaChin Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Three year bad relationship.... I'm at 9 weeks with NC and been going strong. Today is tough... tough tough tough!! I think it's because now that it's been over 2 months I KNOW she has "been with" other guys and that REALLY bothers me. It's very very saddening. What's weird is she was cheating on me anyway.... I just wish I could stop thinking about it. I've been with other people as well now, so what's up with that??????? I STILL think about it and her and it still hurts and I don't know what to do... I just want to call her and fall back into that warm comfortable place and say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....there. Hmmm.... but is it really warm and comfortable or is it that I just THINK that? I may be when I first land in it...but it will quickly grow to be very cold and hard again like it was. The deceit, lies, manipulation, odd behavior, her not being "nice" just all wrong for me. But, WHY does this DO this to me and WHY do I feel so sad and bad and WHY do I miss it all... OMG! I CANNOT contact her... 9 weeks is too long to break it now! Besides, THAT is what she would want... she "wins" at that point.... help please!!! Im here to help... Please look up the term "Extinction Burst". You are craving a return to drama and the mind is pulling out all the "stops" to get its fix AGAIN. Just like a drug addict. You sound like a person who's experiencing this right now. It's a good thing (means your healing).. but stay the coarse- NC!!
Author HalfStepDown Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 OndaChin - First off... I must say, I LOVE your handle here AND the avtar! Awesome stuff!!! Too funny!!! Wow... well thank you for your help... I do see what you mean and this just might be exactly what i'm experiencing. So, what do you advise I do with this?? Obviously do NOT contact correct???
Author HalfStepDown Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Well I've talked to a few friends and they have all offered great support. They ALL say the same thing. REMAIN NC and remain strong. This is all normal and plus your swimmin in the holidays right now as well. They say to stay busy and to work on controlling my thinking processes and to also "face" the thoughts, yet not to dwell on them and to MOVE ON in my "thoughts" as that part of my life is OVER and in the past. Simple things to do, yet complicated to comprehend when you're actually "in it".... I'm focused today and feel much better... I'm sure it will "hit" me again, but each time it will get less and less difficult to take. I must stay focused on ME... stay busy... face those thoughts for a moment and then move on from them as that situation is no longer a part of me.... Saturday will be the beginning of 10 weeks.... I'm looking forward to when I stop counting!
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