sominret Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Would you rather have a spouse that NEVER says I love you to you, but shows it in their behavior, or a spouse that regularly tells you I love you but you sometimes wonder if it's true? Obviously the ideal would be to have mix of both, but if you had to choose one, which would it be? If they show you love but never say it, wouldn't you still wonder? And if they say it but their attitude says otherwise, wouldn't you question their so-called love?
xxoo Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Actions over words, every time! The words are meaningless if the actions don't match. (remember that old song "More than Words" by Extreme? I loved that song ) I do think it is important that a partner verbally establishes that, yes, I do love you before committing. Beyond that, I don't need to be told if you show me every day
Flgirl44 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I would much rather someone show me than tell me.
quankanne Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Show me. Because I can do the love-talking for the both of us!
young&inlove Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 My husband was telling me but his actions were showing something else. I would rather never be told that I am loved, but be shown everyday.
I_am_who_I_am Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 To say or show Love? Which one is better? To me this question can not be answered for you. Have you heard of the 5 love languages? To have a full connection with your lover, you have to know what their love language is and not what you think it is. And of course vise-versa. We all have wants and needs and they are usually not met by our significant other because they don't know it. Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Quality Time In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Receiving Gifts Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Acts of Service Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Physical Touch This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
hART Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Showing without saying is better than saying without showing. If a person can't handle the "L" word similar words work. Saying "I adore you" or compliments are also positive reinforcements, but aren't as scary as the "L" word. If you can't handle saying it to your GF/BF, don't say it to your friends of your significnant other's sex in front of your GF/Bf. Don't stop saying it when you have said it before, unless you were drunk. My first boyfriend said it ten times a day, but never meant it or showed it.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I've had both experiences, actually. One of my ex boyfriends said I love you maybe like twice while we were dating (8 month relationship), but ALWAYS showed me by doing nice things and treating me well. Then my other ex boyfriend told me he loved me constantly, but lied and manipulated me in every way. So that wasn't fun either. If I had to chose one, I would go with the boyfriend would would show me he loves me and never say it. As much as I love to hear my husband tell me he loves me, if he treated me like crap I would wonder if he really did, just like I wondered if my ex boyfriend did.
Author sominret Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Wow! thanks folks...so SHOWING wins big time... I agree also. My husband very seldom tells me he loves me, but I don't doubt for one second that he loves me and that I mean everything to him. Although I would like to hear it more often, as long as he shows it to me, no problem! Yeah, the song "more than words" comes to mind. It says it so well. One of my friends would ALWAYS end up a call with her husband with I love you, whether it was a 1 min call or 30 min call. It also sounded like she meant it. This lasted throughout their relationship (7 years), so we were very surprised when they divorced. Later on, she admitted that the two had been having problems for a while, and that she wasn't in love with him for the last 2-3 years. 3 months after they separated, she moved in with her new lover.
Minnie09 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Actions definitely speak louder than words. The L word is overused anyways. To me, it's just an empty shell. It means zero. Of course I like compliments, if they are genuine, but the empty "ILY" phrase at the end of even the shortest conversation almost causes me an allergic reaction. It's just meaningless, especially when overused. Thoughtlessly overused.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 If you are tired of dealing with the same love issues,..you should checkout this site for Professional Singles to meet and greet. So far I have meet some really NICE Successful men here. www.successfulsingleandsailing.com Sorry I just had too! If they were so successful why did you have to meet plenty of them as opposed to one special MAN? Just wondering...
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Sorry to answer your thread question...showing love hands down!
make me believe Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Sorry, but I need both! I know that actions speak louder than words, but there is little better than when my fiance looks at me and says the three magic words.
hoping2heal Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Would you rather have a spouse that NEVER says I love you to you, but shows it in their behavior, or a spouse that regularly tells you I love you but you sometimes wonder if it's true? Obviously the ideal would be to have mix of both, but if you had to choose one, which would it be? If they show you love but never say it, wouldn't you still wonder? And if they say it but their attitude says otherwise, wouldn't you question their so-called love? I'm spoiled. Mine is very verbally expressive and affectionate. More importantly he very much shows it with action. However, if it were a matter of one or the other - I'd pick action - hands down any day of the week. Action is the only one that matters anyway. A parrot could learn to give me compliments and tell me he loves me so that's really nothing special. I love hearing it because I know it's genuine - I know that by his actions and the way he treats me. He is thoughtful and loving and sooooooooo wonderful. These past few years with him have been so rewarding and quite the learning experience. I love my love and the way he loves me. I'm such a lucky lady
sunshinegirl Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Like Lauribelle I have also experienced both situations. ILY without actions stunk, to put it mildly. However, actions without ILY also stunk because it turns out that that boyfriend had gotten very good at playing the 'boyfriend role' but his heart was never truly in it. So all the thoughtful little gestures that I took to mean he loved me? They were done out of a sense of duty/role/expectation, not love. Which he proved when he cheated on me. Happily, I don't have to choose between them anymore - my husband is very verbally communicative about his feelings, and he is constantly showing me that he loves me.
Jack & Coke Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I'd definitely go with show. In fact, I sometimes hold back on the "I Love You's" so that they mean more whenever I do say it.
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