Almost 3 months NC.

[strangeways]

Been in NC about 80 days (about 3 months since split) and I've been feeling good. I felt that I had resolved all those feelings of "Did she ever care?", "Is she missing me?" etc, etc that we all have and that I was moving on.

 

She hasn't made any attempt to contact me since the split (last time I saw her when she moved all her stuff out) to see if I'm OK or whatever. Now, I now it's better than being strung along but it just, well....hurts. I feel "abandoned" for want of a better expression (a bit melodramatic maybe). Over the last few days it's bringing back those feelings of "Did she EVER care about me". Pointless dwelling, obviously. Maybe I'm just starting to get a handle on the fact that I'll never see or speak to her again. Maybe it's residual hope. God knows.

 

I don't want her back, don't think I'd ever trust her not to up and walk out again but...I don't know. It's annoying.

 

Just venting but anyone else never heard from an ex again after the initial split and how did it make you feel.

[alwayshoping]

Strangeways! Im so glad you made this thread!

 

I was going to post exactly what you have. Im about 20 days further than you with NC and the same thoughts and feelings have only recently dawned on me.

 

Dont get me wrong, (I presume) her not speaking to me has made things a lot easier to get over her (well as easy as things can be). Nevertheless I still wonder how someone I cared for so greatly and spoke/text/called/emailed everyday for just under three years could just stop speaking to me for over 3 months. It leaves me wondering if I even made an impression on her, or were all my efforts in vain.

 

I don't think I could ever get back with her either, but some remorse for the way she left me? or perhaps for our friendship? (we were best friends for 2 years before getting together). It seriously boggles my mind.

 

I just wonder if she really was the person I fell in Love with or I just imagined it all along. After all, the girl of my dreams would never stop talking to me for over 3 months let alone let me find out I was being dumped by reading a text from her ex sex buddy.

 

I just wish she was a decent human being, one who still cared for me regardless of the fact she didn't want to be with me. Yes it would make it harder to get over her, but this would also justify the love my heart still harbours for her.

 

I feel as if I bought the Titanic and was promised it would never sink, only to find out it has and everything about the ship I thought I loved so much, such as security was just a fallacy.

 

I hope one day she calls, even if I don't pick up. My friends showed me FB pictures of her having a lovely time and her last FB update was how she rocked the dance-floor. I on the other hand feel rocked by her lack of empathy towards someone that has helped her throughout the most difficult periods of her life. Its weird, but the old saying that when a heart breaks, it does not break even, really comes to mind at this point.

 

I know I can move on etc etc etc, but did we really mis-judge our ex's so much? surely we all fall for kind, considerate, lovely women who think of our needs more than their own. I know I thought of her needs above mine at every turn.

 

It seems in hindsight, she was none of these things. I seriously miss staying up all night with her exchanging our idea's,hopes,dreams etc. I miss her unique charms that my family and friends found annoying!

 

Ah whats the point.

 

One bizarre question that comes to mind strangeways.

 

Your next girl, will you be surprised if she is still in contact with her ex?

 

I was thinking and people generally think its weird when girls stay friends with ex's. Yet ironically its what I'm pining for. Perhaps that means I am yet to fully get over her. On the other hand, she was my first love and I'm unsure if I will ever truly be over her.

 

The irony is I know I deserve better than we she could offer me, and perhaps I just want what I cannot have. Yet I would chop of my arms off and feed them to sharks if I could have a snuggle and kiss off her.

[strangeways]

always: I knew I'd see you here at some point

 

You said it much more eloquently than I did.

 

"I just wonder if she really was the person I fell in Love with or I just imagined it all along."

 

I know there's a general idea that the person you fell in love with is no more. They're different now. But, I think now that she never was the person I fell in love with. She told me a story a while back which I didn't take much notice of but it has more meaning to me now (or just some bizarre rationalising on my part). When she was in Thailand, many years ago she went to see a spiritualist (or some such person) and she told her she was a mirror. You know, I think back now and realise how true it was. She basically refelcts the personality of the whoever she's with to be "acceptable" to them. She became the person she thought I wanted her to be. She gave up partying (drink and drugs) as much because she said said she was over that (she'd done it for years). Don't get me wrong, I like to party myself but she was an animal before that. I suspect that's what's she's gone back to. She said she wanted a stable, long term relationship. She wanted to move in together. Loved and wanted to be around my kids and help look after them (she was great with them). One day she wanted to marry me, have kids. 3 days after we moved in she dropped the bomb. I don't think I ever really got to the real her. She's 28. I was her first proper relationship (well 13/14 months). I do think I made an impression, good or bad, who knows.

 

Thing is I don't think I'd reply even if she did contact me (too attached to my NC:laugh:) but I still hope she does one day. I'm sure that feeling will pass though.

 

Did we really misjudge our ex's? Don't know about you but I think I misjudged myself more than anything. I let her words take precedence over her actions, I ignored red flags. I think, deep down, we (my ex and I) both knew how it would end we just didn't want to believe it.

 

I'm not in touch with any of my ex's other than the mother of my kids (we have a good relationship though we only ever talk about kid related stuff).

Not sure if I'd be surprised if a new woman in my life was in touch with an ex. I know a couple friends who are. I'd be wary though after being on LS a while!

Edited December 16, 2010 by strangeways

[alwayshoping]

I hope the feeling passes too. I do wish her the best and don't mind if she never contacts me again. I do however wish she would so that I can have some justification for loving her more than life itself! Oh well!

 

Strangeways your always going to see me on here! Good old iphone keeping me updated on your latest threads :-)

 

I am friends with an old ex btw but it did take her over a year to realise our 2 week fling was a bad idea and we were much better being friends than anything else! Even then, that offers me little comfort because I would text and email her once a week to let her know how important she was to me and I didn't want to lose her!

 

Lets hope we feel better soon! God I hope its not just us two feeling this way! Everyone else on LS has some form of communication with the ex! Jealous!

[strangeways]

Lets hope we feel better soon! God I hope its not just us two feeling this way! Everyone else on LS has some form of communication with the ex! Jealous!

 

Yeah. Lucky b******s (only kidding)

 

ps. I sort of feel sorry for the dumpers now. Damned if they do, damned if they don't. lol

Edited December 16, 2010 by strangeways

[swfc_77]

trust me ladies, you dont want contact with your ex

 

i wish i was at 90 NC i think im about 15-20 i dont really count, i'v just kind of lost interest with this coping lark now, its boring me tbh. no disrespect to you guys.

 

i'v had another tx from her today and im not even bothering to ask weather i should reply because i know the answer already.

 

it said -

 

i know your probably happy that im hurting

i keep crying and my heart is breaking because i miss

the cat. i keep dreaming about him and just want to cuddle my baby

even though you cheated on me with xxxx xxxxx and she admits it.

please i just want to come round and see him, please (my name)

 

im not going into detail but i never cheated, stay NC and be grateful you got a clean get away.

 

its become so immature and stupid its unreal. i hope all women are not like this.

 

i'v got the feeling i'v robbed a bank and my getaway vehicle is a bicycle... with a flat tyre - while you 2 have ferrari's.

 

honestly i'll swap anyday of the week

[strangeways]

i'v got the feeling i'v robbed a bank and my getaway vehicle is a bicycle... with a flat tyre - while you 2 have ferrari's.

 

I think I just p****d myself a little bit while laughing. People at work are staring at me.

 

I do feel for you mate whatever my f****d up mind is thinking in these posts.

Edited December 16, 2010 by strangeways

[dng]

i know your probably happy that im hurting

i keep crying and my heart is breaking because i miss

the cat. i keep dreaming about him and just want to cuddle my baby

even though you cheated on me with xxxx xxxxx and she admits it.

please i just want to come round and see him, please (my name)

 

Listen, I'm not a mean person in any way. Even with the way she left me, and everything that happened to the both of us in the aftermath, I was sweet to her to the bitter end. Except for that last email I sent which used very strong language. Sweetness and understanding was just hurting me.

 

With that said, reading your text makes me angry.

 

She is hurting over your god damn cat? And bothering you about it? Only the most selfish, inconsiderate members of our evil species would do that.

 

Please ignore, if only to please me.

[alwayshoping]

dng, she is clearly using the cat as means to get in touch with him! I reckon by saying she misses the cat she's actually admitting missing him! Either that, or she is really weird and genuinly does miss the cat!

 

As for the bike analogy! I would swap with you anyday of the week swfc. I mean a single text to say she missed me at least would mean I made a slight impression on the girl!

 

I really think she's happy to be rid of me and has no regrets, yours on the other hand is showing small (albeit slightly weird) signs she misses you! I guess the grass always looks greener eh?

 

bless us all.

[swfc_77]

glad you liked it strangeways

 

always - there is no point txtin in my opinion there's no kids involved no major assets i just want to cut loose an go.

 

did you noice she accused my of cheating, she only says that so i respond.

 

pretty twisted stuff if you ask me.

 

god help the guy who settles down with her

[swfc_77]

ps. i didn't cheat, and i dont think the girl in question would say anything of the sort but then again she's not the brightest buld in th box either.

 

i just dont know how women work these days, it seems everything has a alteria motive (spelling)

 

i think you should both be thankful that its over and you know it regardless of questions about love and regret, because it doesn't matter now anyway.

 

you know the score, its not healthy being in contact, i feel like a rag doll being pushed and pulled by her freaky emotions.

 

anyway, i gave the girl security, support, love and a home and i think the best leg up in life she could have got, not to mention the best 2 years of her life seeing/doing different things.

 

sorry to hijack your thread mate with my sh*t, but i really wish she would drop the games. she's had her piece of me - twice.

 

as the saying goes - she's made her bed, now she can lay in it

[strangeways]

did you noice she accused my of cheating, she only says that so i respond.

 

Yeah, pretty low trying to get a reaction like that. Sounds like a right piece of work that one.

[voels]

Oh my god. Aren't we all so similar. Almost two months of NC, I still have the "Is she still missing me, why is she having so much fun" thingy. I just hope 3 months is all it takes, just like you. I'm sick of feeling sick.

[alwayshoping]

Swfc77

 

Totally agree its a crazy move to accuse you of cheating! Although after the whole "I miss the cat and need to give him a card" very little should surprise you from her now! I totally see your point that its over and just move on, esp after all the stuff your ex has now put you through! But can you see it from my point of view? I didn't get a second chance and she hasnt even bothered to say hi since the split! I just feel like I meant nothing to her! Although tbh that doesn't matter now, it would have still been nice, you know?

 

 

Voels I hear ya: I'm suck of feeling sick too!

 

 

Oh well at least we are all young free and single, perfectly ready to meet someone that deserves our time, affection, love, and most importantly someone who can reciprocate it without exceptions.

 

I like this line (One day I will read it at my wedding! And I'm not even christian!) but it makes me think when I find a special girl to share my life with it will be amazing!:

 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

[swfc_77]

always, course you meant something to her, you never know whats going through her mind. she might be staying away to let you heal aswell as herself, which is mature and respectful on her part.

 

she might be havin a good time, but she will remember times with you from time to time, and will look back on the relationship as part of her life and not a regret.

 

relationships end everyday and its important to keep your self respect and dignity after it ends, and i think thats a lot easier when your left to grieve and move on without input from an ex.

 

if i dumped some one i would tell them face to face - let them ask the questions - then leave them alone to grieve and move on, in their own time, alone.

 

i wouldn't pester them with how are you txs, honestly lads your doing great.

 

keep it up

[J0N]

Today marks two months and I must say that I am also having similar thoughts. Did she really love me? Did she ever care, or was it all just an illusion? I miss her quite a bit but I am getting stronger.

[swfc_77]

Yeah, pretty low trying to get a reaction like that. Sounds like a right piece of work that one.

 

she is mate, really spoilt chilhood, youngest of three sisters that are all really attractive.

 

i think she's upset because she's use to getting what she wants all the time and throws hissy fits when things dont go her way.

 

its a bit gutting because she was a really nice loving girl at times and showed maturity beyond her years, but being young and easily led i think her single friends had a lot of input.

 

you never know what the future holds, in the long run i hope she does well and gets on ok in life, but at the moment i dont really care about any aspect of her life or feelings.

 

this is a opportunity to better myself and take my life onto the next chapter, would be stupid not to take it.

[alwayshoping]

Very true, she maybe doing just that and giving us both time to heal. I suspect she is now with the guy that text her telling her to break up with me though. Either way its no biggy and tbh it's for the best she is no longer in my life!

 

I have to admit though a text after 3 months would have been nice but she's as stubborn as a mule and if I never text her again, I know she will never speak to me again. Slightly sad but hey, its letting me concentrate on revision, making new friends, and generally enjoy my life. Its weird, but all my friends keep telling me how much more fun I am now that I am not with her! I guess thats what having a gf does to people, makes them forget themselves, which inevitably leads to a break-up (excuse the irony).

 

Swfc77, your doing well with NC, plus in jan it will get easier with the new job right? I hope your looking forward to it, I know I would be! So are you ready to put yourself back on the market mate?

 

Ps i like the way you would break up with someone, I just wish my ex answered any of my questions. She did not. Just expected me to be over her after 2 weeks with no answers. Oh well.

 

Time heals all wounds, and next year I'm going to find a pretty girl who is nice and actually has some morals. Then i'm going to show her the time of her life and treat her the way she treats me like a king/queen.

 

Lets hope in a few months we can all post on here about the most amazing women ever, women who couldn't go 1 day without hearing our lovely voices/seeing our lovely smiles. Im sure they exist somewhere!

[alwayshoping]

Oh swfc77 Im loving your new found attitude to life! I hope your bettering yourself (if thats possible as you genuinely seem like such a nice person)! Anyways, better get back to some revision! Will check back later! btw Im loving this thread.....that reminds me, better make some tea........

[J0N]

its a bit gutting because she was a really nice loving girl at times and showed maturity beyond her years, but being young and easily led i think her single friends had a lot of input. Quoted from Swfc's post.

 

I think this has alot to do with my situation as well.

[alwayshoping]

Its the same with me......

[swfc_77]

JON - swfc - sheffield wednesday football club

 

google them - the best team you will ever see, cough.

 

always - the new found attitude has come from not really giving a F**k anymore, i will better myself alone, i dont need a women to help me along. although the company was nice.

 

i know in 10 yrs time she will still be sat in the same pub, with the same morals, maybe with different friends and a different bloke. but the fact she called me lifeless makes me laugh. serious.

 

that coming from a girl who drinks in the same pub, same friends, same nightclub, same over££££ drinks every weekend, seeing the same guys chatting her up for 1 thing.

 

that to me is not living, its just existing.

 

my big double bed is calling me over for a bit of private time, so i'll see you soon ladies. remember this though.

 

dont see it as a dissapointment in life, see it as a opportunity to better yourself.

 

good night, god bless, scalpels at the ready

[Sonolumino]

that coming from a girl who drinks in the same pub, same friends, same nightclub, same over££££ drinks every weekend, seeing the same guys chatting her up for 1 thing.

 

that to me is not living, its just existing.

 

That is my ex, exactly 100%. She never has left the small town where we're from, and she has the same small town friends from high school, goes to the same dance club, talks about the same things over and over, etc.. Nothing in her life changes. When I went away to school and came back changed, came back a better person for it, she was scared and cut me loose. I couldn't/didn't fit into the mold that she had for me anymore and she was unwilling to even entertain the idea of changing for the better herself. In 20 years, she'll still be the same.

[GreenPolicy]

Today marks two months and I must say that I am also having similar thoughts. Did she really love me? Did she ever care, or was it all just an illusion? I miss her quite a bit but I am getting stronger.

 

I think it is normal to have those feelings. I have asked myself "How much of our relationship was real?" you know? Because actions do speak louder than words.

[strangeways]

I think it is normal to have those feelings. I have asked myself "How much of our relationship was real?" you know? Because actions do speak louder than words.

 

It's interesting but I've had those feelings in the past, quite soon after the breakup and felt that I was beyond that and accepted that I'd never know. The questions come back though the same as the emotions do I guess.