Sarahhhh Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I have a jealous boyfriend, theres no need for a story here..... I just want to know why do people get so jealous in relationships...why? It just ruins things...can't they see that? ...ugh.
TaraMaiden Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I have a jealous boyfriend, theres no need for a story here..... I just want to know why do people get so jealous in relationships...why? It just ruins things...can't they see that? ...ugh. I see an "ex-boyfriend" thread looming, for that very reason.
Author Sarahhhh Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 I see an "ex-boyfriend" thread looming, for that very reason. lol, if he doesn't change eventually then yeah...probably. I'm willing to work with him and help him out to fix this problem...but he needs to actually fix it... I'm the same girl from the 'threesome jealousy' thread... its okay for him to screw another chick in front of me...but its not okay for me to text a guy from my biology class.......about biology!!! I'm just curious as to why people are this way...and how can we work together to fix this?
TaraMaiden Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 You can "work together" all you like. Unless he sees it as a problem, acknowledges it as a problem, and actively asks or suggests it needs fixing - you're on your own, kid.
PegNosePete Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Yep TM is right. It takes 2 to make a relationship but only 1 to break it. No amount of effort or working or trying on your part, can cover any inadequacies on his. As I said on the threesome jealousy thread... get rid of this loser! As for why some people are like that; my favourite Firefly quote - "some people juggle geese". There are all sorts of strange people on this Earth who do all sorts of strange things for all sorts of strange reasons. There's no point analysing why he does it, the fact is he just did. So ditch him and find someone who deserves you.
Author Sarahhhh Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 You can "work together" all you like. Unless he sees it as a problem, acknowledges it as a problem, and actively asks or suggests it needs fixing - you're on your own, kid. A. he does acknowledge it... I can see him trying... he just cant seem to get over it. B. It's a mutual thing.. he knows that he has a problem with it. he does try by really focusing on not making it a big deal if a dude texts me..... but he still has that jealousy there and he puts it on the back burner, then it blows up later. C. I'm not a kid.
Author Sarahhhh Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 Yep TM is right. It takes 2 to make a relationship but only 1 to break it. No amount of effort or working or trying on your part, can cover any inadequacies on his. As I said on the threesome jealousy thread... get rid of this loser! As for why some people are like that; my favourite Firefly quote - "some people juggle geese". There are all sorts of strange people on this Earth who do all sorts of strange things for all sorts of strange reasons. There's no point analysing why he does it, the fact is he just did. So ditch him and find someone who deserves you. I do appreciate your guys' replies and attempts to help! I really do But I didn't ask for your opinion on whether to stay with him or not, as I said in my other thread I decided to stay..... this is solely about him overcoming his jealousy issues. I don't understand how he can be so jealous, thats why I want to know from outsiders, who maybe have more knowledge about the subject, what him and I can do together to fix this.
BellaBellaBella Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 perhaps because of him being on notice due to the last issue with the threesome, and his poor behavior. He knows he is on thin ice and is clinging.
poorguy Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Seriously look into what happens when a couple engages in a threesome. A few years ago my GF at the time and I were going to with one of her really hot girlfriends. Well I looked into it ahead of time because I knew somehow it would change things between us. Google it or something. Basically threesomes no matter how incredible they are are the begining of the end for relationship-so I decided that we shouldn't do----Although she'[s gone and now I wished I really had lol
Dexter Morgan Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I have a jealous boyfriend, theres no need for a story here..... I just want to know why do people get so jealous in relationships...why? It just ruins things...can't they see that? is it the jealousy that ruined it? or the fact you wanted a female friend, made out with her in a 3some with bf?
hoping2heal Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I have a jealous boyfriend, theres no need for a story here..... I just want to know why do people get so jealous in relationships...why? It just ruins things...can't they see that? ...ugh. Jealousy is a common emotion which is a result of insecurity. Many people believe jealousy is a reflection of a person's attachment or feelings for their partner but this is incorrect, the real root of jealousy relates to insecurity. You will notice in abusive relationships that the men are often very jealous yet treat their women poorly. Controlling behavior is the cornerstone of abuse and insecurity is a root issue there also. When you say why is my boyfriend so jealous? You are really asking "Why is my boyfriend so insecure?" Is there anything you are doing that would cause him to feel insecure? e.g are you openly flirty with other men, have close male relationships, or stay in contact with exes? Or are his insecurities individual and seperate from you?
mr.dream merchant Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 My guess is, since you've played with this threesome business, he probably thinks you're a woman of less morals, and pretty open with your sexuality. To be blunt, he probably thinks you're a slut.
Author Sarahhhh Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Seriously look into what happens when a couple engages in a threesome. A few years ago my GF at the time and I were going to with one of her really hot girlfriends. Well I looked into it ahead of time because I knew somehow it would change things between us. Google it or something. Basically threesomes no matter how incredible they are are the begining of the end for relationship-so I decided that we shouldn't do----Although she'[s gone and now I wished I really had lol No. It has NOTHING to do with the threesome. He was jealous before that, he's actually much better than he used to be, but he seems to have plateaued in his progress. Really, nothing in the threesome triggered his jealousy I know that that is not the reason.
Author Sarahhhh Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 is it the jealousy that ruined it? or the fact you wanted a female friend, made out with her in a 3some with bf? DONT post on my threads! Nothing you say is kind nor helpful. You totally twisted everything I posted in my last thread and turned it into bs! Isn't this supposed to be a forum for HELPING people? WHY ARE YOU HERE IF ALL YOU ARE GOING TO DO IS CAUSE DRAMA, LIE, AND BE INSULTING?!?!?!!?! .......how old are you again? guaranteed you are not in the right age bracket to be acting this way...
PegNosePete Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 But I didn't ask for your opinion on whether to stay with him or not No, you asked how you can work together to fix it. And the answer is, you can't work together unless he is prepared to work together as well. If he is not prepared to then you need to split up because you're just dragging out the inevitable and you'll end up getting hurt again and again and again.
Author Sarahhhh Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Jealousy is a common emotion which is a result of insecurity. Many people believe jealousy is a reflection of a person's attachment or feelings for their partner but this is incorrect, the real root of jealousy relates to insecurity. You will notice in abusive relationships that the men are often very jealous yet treat their women poorly. Controlling behavior is the cornerstone of abuse and insecurity is a root issue there also. When you say why is my boyfriend so jealous? You are really asking "Why is my boyfriend so insecure?" Is there anything you are doing that would cause him to feel insecure? e.g are you openly flirty with other men, have close male relationships, or stay in contact with exes? Or are his insecurities individual and seperate from you? Thank you for the reply This is very helpful.... no, his insecurities are seperate.... I can't think of anything I would do to make him insecure... I'm not flirty with other guys I only have one guy friend that isn't also friends with him, and its not a close relationship, just a buddy from school I have 0 contact with exes ...so it must be something to do with him... how do I go about reassuring him he has nothing to be insecure about?
imagine Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Hi Sarahhhh, Lets say that you invest some time with your boyfriend and you train him to be very courteous and caring. Your girlfriends notice and want a piece of that. Would you not be jealous to see him go?
imagine Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Your last reply answers part of my questions. What exactly is your boyfriend jealous of and how does he react?
Dexter Morgan Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 DONT post on my threads! Nothing you say is kind nor helpful. You totally twisted everything I posted in my last thread and turned it into bs! Isn't this supposed to be a forum for HELPING people? WHY ARE YOU HERE IF ALL YOU ARE GOING TO DO IS CAUSE DRAMA, LIE, AND BE INSULTING?!?!?!!?! sorry, but I am pointing out that jealousy isn't what is ruining this relationship. not saying jealousy isn't a big problem here, but his jealousy could come from his weird view on how you two should conduct this relationship, and your actions that cause his jealousy so rather than focus on jealousy, maybe you need to take a hard look at the relationship and the weird things that are going on in it.
sally4sara Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 (edited) I think he is super jealous because he knows he has done things that he should have/could have been righteously dumped over. So it makes total sense to him to get upset over small things like a male study partner texting you over the assignments. He knows that, compared to him and what he has done - any guy could seem better than he has shown himself to be. He knows that you moving on to someone else who hasn't disappointed you or hurt you would be the smart move so he is just waiting for that better guy to catch your eye. If I were him, I'd be worried too. He sure has made it easy for someone else to outshine him. Edited December 22, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
NoLongerSad Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I have a jealous boyfriend, theres no need for a story here..... I just want to know why do people get so jealous in relationships...why? It just ruins things...can't they see that? ...ugh. It sounds like this isn't your first jealous bf. Could be a pattern ?
Eddie Edirol Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Thank you for the reply This is very helpful.... no, his insecurities are seperate.... I can't think of anything I would do to make him insecure... I'm not flirty with other guys I only have one guy friend that isn't also friends with him, and its not a close relationship, just a buddy from school I have 0 contact with exes ...so it must be something to do with him... how do I go about reassuring him he has nothing to be insecure about? Sounds like youve done everything you could, HE has to be confident enough to not feel the need to be jealous. You can reassure him all you want...might not help. He might even be doing it to bully you, it keeps him in control, keeps you on your toes, and keeps you constantly trying to prove yourself to him.... Its an addictive behavior, and he might enjoy it secretly, so you cant compete with him WANTING to be this way. Or If he doesnt have the knowledge to think he can keep you around any other way, he's not going to stop being jealous anytime soon. This usually comes up because other women left him and he doesnt know why. Ive also seen people do the jealousy thing to hide their affairs, or their attempts at affairs. I hope thats not your case. Ask him "whats the real reason you want to be jealous? You know I'm not going anywhere, so whats the REAL reason?" Thats... if you havent asked him that already....Get deep down into the basics...
Author Sarahhhh Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Your last reply answers part of my questions. What exactly is your boyfriend jealous of and how does he react? He is jealous when I talk to my buddy from school, Clay. Clay and I are not close at all. He's in some of my classes and occasionally texts me with questions about assignments. Matt (boyfriend) will get really pissy when Clay texts me, or if I talk to Clay before class (usually about biology) He says he's not mad, but its clear that he is, and usually he bottles it up until a fight breaks out later...sometimes over things that are completely unrelated. This is the biggest problem. He also gets very angry when any random guy (at a grocery store, mall, whatever) looks at me the wrong way... now I understand that any man would maybe get a little protective if a random guy was rudely checking his girlfriend out...but Matt overreacts.... hardcore. It's mainly him overreacting I guess... about EVERYTHING.. so yeah, idk.
Author Sarahhhh Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 (edited) I think he is super jealous because he knows he has done things that he should have/could have been righteously dumped over. So it makes total sense to him to get upset over small things like a male study partner texting you over the assignments. He knows that, compared to him and what he has done - any guy could seem better than he has shown himself to be. He knows that you moving on to someone else who hasn't disappointed you or hurt you would be the smart move so he is just waiting for that better guy to catch your eye. If I were him, I'd be worried too. He sure has made it easy for someone else to outshine him. Wow, that actually makes a lot of sense... I wish he could realize that he has nothing to worry about...he'd have more to worry about if he continues this behavior because I can feel myself pulling away from him every time he has a freak out. Thank you! Edited December 22, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Sarahhhh Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Sounds like youve done everything you could, HE has to be confident enough to not feel the need to be jealous. You can reassure him all you want...might not help. He might even be doing it to bully you, it keeps him in control, keeps you on your toes, and keeps you constantly trying to prove yourself to him.... Its an addictive behavior, and he might enjoy it secretly, so you cant compete with him WANTING to be this way. Or If he doesnt have the knowledge to think he can keep you around any other way, he's not going to stop being jealous anytime soon. This usually comes up because other women left him and he doesnt know why. Ive also seen people do the jealousy thing to hide their affairs, or their attempts at affairs. I hope thats not your case. Ask him "whats the real reason you want to be jealous? You know I'm not going anywhere, so whats the REAL reason?" Thats... if you havent asked him that already....Get deep down into the basics... I honestly think it is the first thing you suggested.. like its a control thing... well, there are two suggestions that seem to fit him and his personality. A. He's jealous because he's afraid that I'm going to find someone better and he's trying to keep me from doing so.. (He's always asking for reassurance that I'm not going to leave) so this makes sense. B. What you suggested, that its a control thing. He is slightly a control freak. No matter what he does he has to be in charge, it has to be done when he wants it done, and it has to be done his way. He is like this with his cars, tasks at work, chores at home....all this stuff. So your suggestion also makes sense. could it be a combination of the two?
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