marigo Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 (edited) When we broke up in February, i didnt really think much on how it's gonna be on my birthday besides i know i wouldnt feel complete and happy. But i didnt think much of it because maybe when we broke up, my birthday was 10 months away. But now that it's 2 days away, i feel so overly emotional. When we broke up, i knew that no matter what happens, he would greet me on my birthday. I even know for a fact that he would greet me at exactly 12 midnight on my birthday because that's what we've always done (i greet him at exactly 12 midnight on his bday). But of course, everything changed when he found a new girlfriend over the summer. Not only do i know for sure that he wouldnt be greeting me at 12 midnight, i assumed that he wouldnt be greeting me at all and I thought ive accepted that. I am 100% sure he wouldnt be greeting me a merry xmas or a happy new years but birthday is a little bit different since it is MY day. When my birthday was getting closer around Nov, i started feeling emotional because I know that he wouldnt be greeting me (im not gonna be a hypocrite and say that i dont want him to because i really want him to greet me but i know its not gonna happen) but now its getting closer, i feel so anxious. I dont even know if its whether or not he would be greeting me that day but i just feel so anxious, almost like "let's get this over with already" i feel like i just want my birthday to pass already and get through it. I think i feel anxious on how im gonna react or how im gonna be that day. Adding to my emotions is that my last birthday, my ex and i went to disneyland for the first time together but we ended up fighting that day (mostly my fault). So now that December 18 is coming up again, memories of my last birthday with him is coming up. I am getting mad at myself for what happened that day and i keep wishing that i have another birthday with him (a happy one). I have always wanted to go back to Disneyland to make up for what happened on my birthday and just be able to enjoy a day there but we never got the chance to coz we broke up 2 months later. To make things worse, i found out from a friend that: 1.) My ex and his new gf are going to disneyland on dec 17 (a day before my birthday). Not only am i jealous but i cant help but be sad to know that they are gonna be having the time of their life there while we ended up fighting when we went. Also, i cant help but wonder, once it hits 12 midnight or once he realizes that its the 18th, am i even gonna cross his mind and that it is my birthday? I know he wouldnt be greeting me even if he does realize it but i just wonder if he is gonna think of me at least. 2.) On Dec 18th (my birthday) is his family's xmas party which i have always been invited to every year that we've been together. Again, another emotional time for me because his new gf is gonna be there being introduced to all his family's friends and i cant help but think "that should still be me" I hate this. I hate thinking these things. I thought ive already assumed and accepted the fact that i wont be hearing from him on my bday but now that its coming up, i feel so scared and anxious and i hate it. I cant believe i want to just get over that day already and its my own birthday. Its freaking 2:30 am and i cant sleep because im crying my eyes out thinking these things. Edited December 16, 2010 by marigo
jquest1280 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Don't let the HAPPY in Happy Birthday depend on whether he greets you or not. (I know, easier said than done). Plan to do something fun! My ex greeted me on my first birthday after the dumping...you'd think I'd be happy, right? But no, I wanted more, I wanted a greeting like how he greeted me when we were still a couple, and I was left hanging, and felt so disappointed and angry. *sigh* Without a greeting, devastation; with a greeting, disappointment - 1st birthday post-breakup is tough, tough. Hang in there, it will pass. Hugggsss*
Author marigo Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Don't let the HAPPY in Happy Birthday depend on whether he greets you or not. (I know, easier said than done). Plan to do something fun! My ex greeted me on my first birthday after the dumping...you'd think I'd be happy, right? But no, I wanted more, I wanted a greeting like how he greeted me when we were still a couple, and I was left hanging, and felt so disappointed and angry. *sigh* Without a greeting, devastation; with a greeting, disappointment - 1st birthday post-breakup is tough, tough. Hang in there, it will pass. Hugggsss* Hey jquest, Thanks for sharing you're story. Well, today is my birthday and last night i did celebrate my birthday with some friends. It was fun and im glad i went through with it since i was gonna cancel it. Not gonna lie though, all day today, every time my fone vibrates im wishing it was him. But he hasnt yet. I guess that answers my question. He wont be greeting me at all. I should just learn to appreciate everyone who actually cares about me. I do feel bad to kinda feel disappointed getting texts from friends wishing me happy birthday all because im waiting for one person. I am handling it better though. I hope i dont cry later.
nj10 Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Happy Birthday Marigo! I know how you feel about this matter. I am in the same situation in my birthday also which was last august. I receive tons of greetings in fb on the week of my birthday. He did greet me alright. But only on fb which a few days later. And I think he have forgotten about my birthday. And just like Jquest1280, I felt angry and I deleted his post. you will be doing just fine. It just takes time.HUGSS
SimonSerenade Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Happy birthday I know it must be a tough time for you, My birthday was, Mine was month after she broke up with me, Damn near made me feel like rubbish but you've gone 10 months without him! surely your a better person for still feeling like this and to be honest a second geuss otherwise ain't worth the salt in your eyes, I assume he's one of them people who just pretends he's okay but all this pain you've been feeling will one day catch up with him and what better gift is there on your birthday than that! and rather think about all this in a negative way, Turn it on it's head and see the reality, She's probably nowhere near as good as you and when she is introduced to his family, Bet you they start thinking "well... she's alright but nothing on that last gal he had".
january2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Happy belated birthday - I hope your birthday was full of joy Unfortunately, for a while, it's going to be awkward for every event or festival that held a special meaning for you. But the best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to plan ahead and make new memories that are going to be so awesome they will 'overwrite' the old ones. You've got a new life now, time to make the most of it with the people who are still part of it.
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