How do I know that she'd say yes (to being my gf)?

[bonerman]

This girl and I have been out on several dates. The thing is that I'm not sure if they have been "dates" or just us hanging out. When do you guys think it's safe to ask?

 

EDIT: I think "Whe is it safe to aske her to be my gf?" would have been a better title for this thread.

Edited December 16, 2010 by bonerman

[loverofloveandstuff]

This girl and I have been out on several dates. The thing is that I'm not sure if they have been "dates" or just us hanging out. When do you guys think it's safe to ask?

 

EDIT: I think "Whe is it safe to aske her to be my gf?" would have been a better title for this thread.

 

What do you mean you don't know if they have been dates or hanging out? What do you do with her? Have you kissed her?

[bonerman]

No I havent. We dated a little a while back but things fell apart. She knew I liked her but she wanted to take it slow. I kind of got impatient and just gave up. Now things are going great but I need to be able to know when she's ready, you know?

[loverofloveandstuff]

No I havent. We dated a little a while back but things fell apart. She knew I liked her but she wanted to take it slow. I kind of got impatient and just gave up. Now things are going great but I need to be able to know when she's ready, you know?

 

Don't start thinking about asking her to be your girlfriend until you've kissed her. As far as she knows, you guys could just be platonic friends hanging out.

[bonerman]

Would that be wierd to aske her to be my gf before kissing her? Also, how long should I wait before trying to kiss her and is there a single moment when I'll know I should make a move?

[qinboxmail]

Would that be wierd to aske her to be my gf before kissing her? Also, how long should I wait before trying to kiss her and is there a single moment when I'll know I should make a move?

 

First of all don't ask when. Just hang out with her. Don't think about kissing too much and you'll kiss her when the time come.

[TaraMaiden]

I'd approach it slowly, like holding her hand, at first, then maybe putting your arm around her.

if she objects to either of these, then you're either getting the wrong signals, or it's a non-starter....

[Jeff M Stevens]

#1, I don't think she's interested. "Interested" women do NOT stop hanging out and then come back

 

#2, it is NOT going "great" as you describe. It might be going "great" from her perspective because there is no pressure on her. You're taking her out and never even try to kiss her. She can be taken out, look around for other guys and not have to do a darn thing

 

#3, NEXT DATE, try to kiss her as you're walking her to the door. If she turns her head or asks you what you're doing, you have just a "friend" on your hands. Time to move on if that happens. They kiss us when they like us.

 

#4, They should ask us to be the boyfriend, not you asking her to be the girlfriend. Let her make it obvious she wants you before stepping into the relationship waters. Why? Because women know when they want to step up the relationship. She already holds the rejection card, in that you had to ask for her number, you had to plan the dates, you had to pick her up and drop her off. At any time during that process she could drop a "no" on you.

 

By laying back and waiting for her to ask you to be the boyfriend, you can't be rejected. Simply, if she is asking you to be the boyfriend, she can't be rejecting you. If you ask, you can be rejected.

 

In the meantime, you need to date other women and give her a CHALLENGE. Women want a challenge. Do not just give yourself to her because that's what every other guy does.

 

But you are way far away from that my friend. First, she has to pass the KISS TEST. If she doesn't then you are OUT and you need to find another girl.

 

I suspect she won't pass the kiss test, by the way. I hope I'm wrong but it sounds to me like you're already squarely in the friend zone without realizing it.

 

Good luck man.

[samspade]

I recommend you pay heed to Jeff M Stevens here.

 

A man should never ask a woman to be his g.f.

 

Just enjoy the ride and let HER bring it up.

 

PS, some women will tell you different. Don't listen to them.

[Bogo123]

I recommend you pay heed to Jeff M Stevens here.

 

A man should never ask a woman to be his g.f.

 

Just enjoy the ride and let HER bring it up.

 

PS, some women will tell you different. Don't listen to them.

 

So when she brings it up, then how do you handle it? If you agree to become exclusive, it looks like you were waiting for her cue to make it official. Doesn't it look better if you lead and take charge?

[bonerman]

#3, NEXT DATE, try to kiss her as you're walking her to the door. If she turns her head or asks you what you're doing, you have just a "friend" on your hands. Time to move on if that happens. They kiss us when they like us.

Ok I know I said we havent kissed but technically we have. Back during the first go round we kissed on the lips as I left her at the door but it was not open mouth. It was a quick thing. We also held hands that night. I can't try to kiss her on the next date because she is coming on vacation with me and my family and that would be a tough situation for her for me to pull that and then she is either

 

a. forced to kiss me due to she has no way to leave and doesnt want an awkward rest of trip

 

b. she turns away and then we have an awkward rest of trip.

 

But anyway asking her to be my gf is a no no before kissing?

[loverofloveandstuff]

 

A man should never ask a woman to be his g.f.

 

Just enjoy the ride and let HER bring it up.

 

PS, some women will tell you different. Don't listen to them.

 

Oh please. I hate rules like these, they're so silly. Do what you want, when you want, when you feel it's right.

[bonerman]

Oh please. I hate rules like these, they're so silly. Do what you want, when you want, when you feel it's right.

Yeah I don't know when she would bring this up to me.

[Jeff M Stevens]

Sure, I'll drive with my lights off, the wrong way on the highway, about 110 miles an hour. Hell, It's what I want to do and I shouldn't have any rules, right?

 

Unfortunately, when you do not follow the RULES you run afoul of REALITY.

 

Reality says that she falls in love slower than her male counterpart and ONLY SHE knows when the right time is to step up the relationship.

 

She can, at any time, cut things off because it is always the guy asking.

 

By laying back, a guy is not only

 

1. Different.

2. Sure that it is THE RIGHT TIME to be her boyfriend because she asked.

 

And bonerman, if she wants to be your girlfriend, she will ask you or at least make it known OBVIOUSLY that is what she wants.

[Jeff M Stevens]

We do take control by:

 

*Approaching her

*Asking for the #

*Calling her

*Asking for the date

*Planning the date

*Picking her up and making sure she has a fun time

 

...and you can be rejected in any of those phases. Plus most every guy asks to be the boyfriend. The idea is to show her a fun time and let her WONDER about when she is going to see you again and if you have other girls.

 

Plus, she can't be rejecting you if she's asking to be your girlfriend or at least making it obvious that she wants to be.

 

Remember, women, in spite of what they say, want a CHALLENGE and a guy that is a MYSTERY (as long as they're not structured or uptight and you don't want those types anyway!).

[bonerman]

You should kiss her on the vacation. She wouldn’t go on vacation with you unless she wanted to be kissed. Think about that.

 

It’s insulting to a girl when you don’t do something they were expecting you to do.

Well I asked her to come on vacation before we started hanging out again. I'd like to hear the radio guy's opinion on this.

[Jeff M Stevens]

Not beating you up man so please don't take anything I'm going to say below as that. I really do want to help you as you seem like a good guy and I'm happy to offer my opinion....

 

Having said that....why ask a girl on vacation when she's not even your girlfriend and you're not even hanging out? By the way, we never tell guys to "hang out," You're either dating them or you're not.

 

We also tell guys that you need at least 6 months of her being your girlfriend before you want to consider extended trips.

 

But I digress. You're stuck going on vacation with her I assume. Bottom line is you don't really have to pull the kiss test on the vacation. Heck, you were planning on taking her on vacation and you weren't even really "dating" or "hanging out" or whatever so its not like you even invited her expecting a kiss.

 

I'm sure in the back of your mind you were hoping something magical would happen, but you were platonic when you invited her, so its not like this is going to be a disaster if you don't kiss her on vacation.

 

I'm betting you're not sure if you're going to get a kiss or not since your reluctant to try it. To make the trip smoother, just play it as you have been playing it, I guess. The damage is done...she's coming. You can only hope she kisses you by some miracle of miracles but I doubt it since she hasn't up to this point. Again, I think you're in the friend zone.

 

When you get back and you go out on a date, you have to try to kiss her. Full on the lips. If you get a turned head or any other kind of refusal, she's out.

 

Sounds like you're stuck with the vacation so you just have to grin and bear it.

 

Next time though man.....next girl.....lay back more and please test her interest level no later than date 2 with the kiss test. You'd never have all these questions if you'd have tried to kiss her by date 2. You could have been onto so many other girls with all the time you've spun your wheels on this one.

 

Remember this statement...and it sounds simple but its SO TRUE.

 

When women like you, they help you.

 

They help you:

 

*Be around them

*Kiss them

*Have more and more of a significant relationship

 

When they're bored, using you as something to do until something better comes along, just going out as "friends," or have low self esteem and can't be alone, you experience what you're going through.

 

Remember, there are certain women that will take the friendship dates, always holding out the thought that "down the road there could be something there."

 

No, it's either there or its not. They either want to be around you and kiss you early on or they don't. People make a very simple thing very complex but it doesn't get more simple than:

 

WHEN A WOMAN LIKES YOU, SHE HELPS YOU.

 

Good luck man.

[bonerman]

Not beating you up man so please don't take anything I'm going to say below as that. I really do want to help you as you seem like a good guy and I'm happy to offer my opinion....

 

Having said that....why ask a girl on vacation when she's not even your girlfriend and you're not even hanging out? By the way, we never tell guys to "hang out," You're either dating them or you're not.

 

We also tell guys that you need at least 6 months of her being your girlfriend before you want to consider extended trips.

 

But I digress. You're stuck going on vacation with her I assume. Bottom line is you don't really have to pull the kiss test on the vacation. Heck, you were planning on taking her on vacation and you weren't even really "dating" or "hanging out" or whatever so its not like you even invited her expecting a kiss.

 

I'm sure in the back of your mind you were hoping something magical would happen, but you were platonic when you invited her, so its not like this is going to be a disaster if you don't kiss her on vacation.

 

I'm betting you're not sure if you're going to get a kiss or not since your reluctant to try it. To make the trip smoother, just play it as you have been playing it, I guess. The damage is done...she's coming. You can only hope she kisses you by some miracle of miracles but I doubt it since she hasn't up to this point. Again, I think you're in the friend zone.

 

When you get back and you go out on a date, you have to try to kiss her. Full on the lips. If you get a turned head or any other kind of refusal, she's out.

 

Sounds like you're stuck with the vacation so you just have to grin and bear it.

 

Next time though man.....next girl.....lay back more and please test her interest level no later than date 2 with the kiss test. You'd never have all these questions if you'd have tried to kiss her by date 2. You could have been onto so many other girls with all the time you've spun your wheels on this one.

 

Remember this statement...and it sounds simple but its SO TRUE.

 

When women like you, they help you.

 

They help you:

 

*Be around them

*Kiss them

*Have more and more of a significant relationship

 

When they're bored, using you as something to do until something better comes along, just going out as "friends," or have low self esteem and can't be alone, you experience what you're going through.

 

Remember, there are certain women that will take the friendship dates, always holding out the thought that "down the road there could be something there."

 

No, it's either there or its not. They either want to be around you and kiss you early on or they don't. People make a very simple thing very complex but it doesn't get more simple than:

 

WHEN A WOMAN LIKES YOU, SHE HELPS YOU.

 

Good luck man.

Thanks man. I really do appreciate your input. You make so much sense. However, she has been on vacation with me before because she went as a friend of my sister's and thats how we got to know each other. But I was the one who invited her this time.

 

 

I really probably shouldnt have gotten back in with her but I really kinda fell for her the first time and its hard to let that go.

[Jeff M Stevens]

Hey man, it happens all the time to guys. No biggie. Always remember that a good guy like you deserves to have a girl that is all about you

[samspade]

Jeff Stevens is posting some useful stuff.

 

I can remember dozens of times when a woman tried to "help" me to get me to kiss her, and I wussed out.

 

It's true - the medium IS the message. They either show interest, or they don't. Your charge as a man is to learn to see the difference.

 

And if they want you as a serious boyfriend, they WILL bring it up. Even though women always say they want the man to bring it up, 95% of the time they will bring it up IF they are feeling that way.

[LoveAintEverything]

well, it depends...have you guys even kissed, flirted...have there been signs that you really like each other? if not i would not even think about asking her......if you guys have gone out multiple times and you do the whole holding hand things

[Jeff M Stevens]

Jeff Stevens is posting some useful stuff.

 

I can remember dozens of times when a woman tried to "help" me to get me to kiss her, and I wussed out.

 

It's true - the medium IS the message. They either show interest, or they don't. Your charge as a man is to learn to see the difference.

 

And if they want you as a serious boyfriend, they WILL bring it up. Even though women always say they want the man to bring it up, 95% of the time they will bring it up IF they are feeling that way.

 

Sam, I gotta tell you how much I appreciate you. It is surprisingly rare that I get someone that "gets it" like you do. It's sad that it is "rare" but most of the time people meet what I say with indifference or hostility. To get some support is refreshing.

[soulm8]

Sam, I gotta tell you how much I appreciate you. It is surprisingly rare that I get someone that "gets it" like you do. It's sad that it is "rare" but most of the time people meet what I say with indifference or hostility. To get some support is refreshing.

 

Wow! Well, as a woman, I have to say your advice is spot on. Hard to imagine indifference and hostility to your posts.

[Jeff M Stevens]

Wow! Well, as a woman, I have to say your advice is spot on. Hard to imagine indifference and hostility to your posts.

 

LOL..you'd be surprised! Needy guys don't generally get what I'm saying. Macho guys think I'm full of it and the women that like to play games with guys hate that I'm busting holes in the games they play.

 

However, there are a lot of good guys out there and women too, like you and you understand.

 

From a woman that agrees with me, do you mind expanding on what you found valuable about what I wrote? I'd be interested to see what your take is on my advice.

 

I do appreciate your kind words

[soulm8]

Remember this statement...and it sounds simple but its SO TRUE.

 

When women like you, they help you.

 

They help you:

 

*Be around them

*Kiss them

*Have more and more of a significant relationship

 

When they're bored, using you as something to do until something better comes along, just going out as "friends," or have low self esteem and can't be alone, you experience what you're going through.

 

Remember, there are certain women that will take the friendship dates, always holding out the thought that "down the road there could be something there."

 

No, it's either there or its not. They either want to be around you and kiss you early on or they don't. People make a very simple thing very complex but it doesn't get more simple than:

 

WHEN A WOMAN LIKES YOU, SHE HELPS YOU.

 

Good luck man.

 

Very well put. We're either attracted to you or not. Period. The attention whores will accept dates whether they like you or not... and keep ya guessing, play games, etc.

 

The "good" ones however... WILL help you with subtle hints and react favorably to you breaking down the barriers!