Author SoMovinOn Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 So, what's the problem then? When we are anywhere in public, we don't hold hands or anything. She spends half her time looking around to see if there is anyone there who knows her. Just wondering, other than sitting in a car or in a hotel room, if anyone had any places they found to be alone. Seems like a pretty simple question to me.
Author SoMovinOn Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 He just doesn't want her husband to find out. It would mess up their pretty little fantasy. Correct. Or did you think this was some amazing revelation about A's?
woinlove Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 When we are anywhere in public, we don't hold hands or anything. She spends half her time looking around to see if there is anyone there who knows her. Just wondering, other than sitting in a car or in a hotel room, if anyone had any places they found to be alone. Seems like a pretty simple question to me. Okay, I understand. I think a car or hotel or your house are the only options if you want to make sure no one sees you together who knows her. As Owl said you can't expect privacy in any public place. Unless you two can travel to another city where you know you won't see anyone. Or you could go for disguises - wigs, sunglassses, etc. Then you could go out in public and act like a couple.
Author SoMovinOn Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I must say... your whole sitch in combination w/ your other thread really confuses me. She and I are having an affair because we are both still currently married - not as a fling or something that happened in the course of us spending time together in some other capacity. We were in love for a long time, a long time ago. I screwed up. She and I never ended... I just moved to another state and we didn't see each other for 30+ years. I had a fantasy of finding her again, so I could apologize to her. I didn't imagine she would even want to talk to me, much less accept my apology, but... I knew I hurt her, and I wished I could, at the very least, apologize for that. I actually found her about 10 years ago or so. I saw she was married, had a nice house - I imagined she was happy and had a good life. I drove past the house once, contemplating stopping to, hopefully, apologize, and realized I had screwed up her life once, I didn't need to risk screwing it up again, nor did I need to open an old wound I was sure she had gotten over by now. So, I did nothing. Earlier this year, she found me and contacted me online. Actually, several times. I ignored her initial messages because I didn't know who she was - didn't recognize the last name. Finally, she sent me a message on Classmates, which included her maiden name. I responded to her. I apologized. We talked in emails for a while, decided to get together for lunch once... we found we had held on to each other all these years, still had very strong feelings. She said her marriage was happy, but, I wondered why she seemed to have tried so hard to find me. ... her marriage, it turns out, isn't so happy. She wants out. So... we're not having an affair for sex, for a fling, because it's exciting, or whatever else. We are having an affair because we would like to date, spend time together, get to know each other as we are now, as opposed to being in love based on what we remember... and, if everything works out, get married. If we could each get divorced today, we would. We can't. So, in the meantime, we spend as much time together as we safely can, which is not much at all. It seems to me, and this is just one Internet poster's opinion, that you are handling the hurt caused by your wife's affair(s) by having an affair with another married woman, which will then cause hurt to *her* husband... another guy just like you. I no longer feel any hurt over my fWW A's. I really don't care. I wish my friend would have kept her. I wish he'd take her now. I asked him to. I tried to sell him on it. I offered bribes. No dice. She's dating too... although she's at least smart enough to date single guys. I hope she finds someone nice, who loves her and cares for her. Soon. As for mOW's BS... I *do* feel bad about that. I feel bad that he likes me and wants to hang out with me (I won't. If he ever finds out, and I assume he will, I don't want him to feel a double betrayal)... but, I obviously don't feel bad enough about it to not see her. In that respect, I am being selfish. That's wrong, but, given the choice between being wrong and losing her again, I'll live with being wrong. So I must ask, how are your actions as a BS any better than someone who may be what you call a bitter and angry BS? I'm not claiming my actions are any better. I am simply saying there are thousands of threads here and a "New Thread" button for people who need to spew their anger. They don't need to come into a thread that asks a simple questions, for which they have no answer, and clutter it up with their misguided anger. I feel like sometimes when people give us advice that we don't like to hear or that strikes a cord, we tend to lash out and call the other person judgmental or bitter No... I was just talking about the misguided judgmental and bitter responses. I don't mind people asking questions - you can see I am open and honest in my responses. I don't mind people offering relevant advice. What I don't like is people making assumptions, without asking questions, and screaming irrelevant advice from their soapbox. I mean, this thread... you ask where you guys can spend time together and then when people give you suggestions you say, oh but my wife knows about the affair and we are not hidden... so then what is the problem? The question was asking others involved in A's, if they had found some places to go and have some privacy, other than a hotel or their car. Pretty straightforward and simple question. Whether or not I tell my wife about my affair, whether or not she knows, has nothing to do with the question and isn't a response to the question. Why not bring girlfriend (I don't think she's OW if your wife knows/ is okay with it... you are OM but she is not OW) to your town or closer thereto, even if it's more of a distance for her, so that you can be away from her husband and spend time together like a normal couple instead of in hotel rooms or in cars, which is what people in a *hidden* affair do? Because she doesn't have that kind of time. The *most* we get together is about an hour. Driving here alone would take almost an hour. It just doesn't make any sense to me and I am trying to understand it. Not trying to be rude, I just don't get it. I think you're doing an awesome job, asking questions. Nothing rude about that.
Author SoMovinOn Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I mean, those are just my normal dating ideas... All excellent ideas. We get, at most, an hour together. That means we can't get very far from where she works. She knows a *lot* of people. She doesn't want any of them to see her with me, because then it might get back to her BS. If we are anywhere other than sitting in the car, or in a hotel room, she spends a great deal of our time together looking around to see who might be seeing her. If I/we could afford an apartment or something near her work, that would be great... but we can't. I really didn't think it was that difficult a question.
Author SoMovinOn Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Isn't there an ounce of shame in you for asking such a question? SERIOUSLY! On an OM/OW forum? No. Should there be? I'm under the assumption some of the people on this forum are currently involved in an A. I was asking those people if they have come up with some ideas I haven't. Why would that be such a difficult concept to grasp?
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