VertexSquared Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I moved to NYC from Montréal and there's not much of a difference. For a woman, dating in a big city is not difficult. Depends, though. My now-gf had a ton of trouble dating here in the city. The variance here is just massive.
Mad Max Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Well, I didn't say aloof. You said aloof. I'm charming and friendly. Not aloof. But I'm not in the least self conscience about my looks. I actually quite like the way I look, despite the fact that I'm nothing really to write home about. If could, I wouldn't mind being a couple of inches taller, but other than that, I feel like I'm perfect just the way I am. And if a guy isn't attracted to me, it is seriously no skin of my nose. I think being an average looking girl is easy and fun. A lot of really beautiful girls are miserable. Not giving a crap(your words) is exactly what aloof is. As for beautiful girls, IME most of them that are miserable are that way because they did it to themselves. Many of them have horrible personalities and are picky to the point where they can't find anyone.
Str8noChaser Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I have NEVER relied on my looks. However, I know I can charm the pants off of anyone if I wanted. Given that you are attempting to charm the male species, trust me that's EXACTLY what we want to happen and it doesn't require being that charming most times...lol
Mad Max Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Depends, though. My now-gf had a ton of trouble dating here in the city. The variance here is just massive. Most of the women back in Montréal had no trouble dating, so I'd imagine a city where the population is at least double that of MTL should have no problems in terms of dating. It also depends where you hang out.
Sarah1977 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Not giving a crap(your words) is exactly what aloof is. No, aloof means: unfriendly, cold and distant. Someone can not care what others think about their appearance and still be friendly, warm, and engaging.
Mad Max Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 No, aloof means: unfriendly, cold and distant. Someone can not care what others think about their appearance and still be friendly, warm, and engaging. reserved or reticent; indifferent; disinterested It DOES NOT mean unfriendly or cold. Distant, yes.
Str8noChaser Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Why are you two debating the semantics of a word? What someone feels is aloof, another may call arrogant. another may call stuck up. another may call shy. If she feels she is sending off aloof signals, big deal. A guy may perceive her to be cold and move on. Another guy may perceive her to be shy and move in.
Sarah1977 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Distant, yes. Either way, just because one isn't concerned with their appearance, doesn't make them "distant." It just makes them....unconcerned with their appearance.
Chocolat Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I honestly think the trick to this, if you're female, is to not give a crap. I feel like I trick a lot of guys into thinking I'm hot stuff just by not caring whether or not they find me attractive. I think this must be unconscionably appealing to men and is probably the ONLY reason I get approached by anyone. Many women however who understand how guys adore beauty, don't leave the house until their hair is perfect and their face is all made-up, and they're wearing a hot outfit. Women spend hours to attain this look, as well as do body maintenance like working out, getting manicures, hair cuts, and tans. Other women it seems don't understand that, and others don't care. Hmmm. I don't think I am conventionally pretty and I don't do the whole hair/makeup thing, but I get lots of male attention. Like Sarah, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it. I am comfortable with who I am -- inside and out -- and this seems to work for me. There's no planning, it just is.
Mad Max Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Either way, just because one isn't concerned with their appearance, doesn't make them "distant." It just makes them....unconcerned with their appearance. I didn't say a word about appearance.
Sarah1977 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I didn't say a word about appearance. Well, that's what I was talking about. Here, I'll give you an example of how this works for me. A few weeks ago, some guy messaged me on OKC and asked me out. I didn't look at his profile. I just looked at his age. He is 7 years younger than me, so I NICELY turned him down based on that. He made a joke and asked me out again about every other day for two weeks. Always funny, always light hearted. I just kept telling him he was too young and therefore, I wasn't interested in a friendly way. Anyway, I mentioned this guy to a friend because I think the whole situation is funny. And she checks out his profile and says, "Go out with guy, Sarah. Seriously, he's HOT." In essence, she convinced me to go out with this KID. We meet at a coffee shop and this boy is a SOLID 10. He is movie star hot. I couldn't believe that he was even on a dating website, he was that good looking. In fact, at one point he went to the restroom and the girl who made my latte made a point of coming over and telling me how cute he is. Internally, I laughed a little. I thought to myself, "Oh this poor boy! On a date with a girl 1/2 as attractive and 7 years older. Well, I'll at least try to make it fun for him..." So basically, I just say screw it and tried my best to have a good time. We cracked some jokes and laughed and all that fun first date jazz. Out of the blue, this boy stops and says, AND I QUOTE, "Listen, I don't want to be like a lot of other douchebags and just compliment you nonstop all night, so I'm going to just say what I have to say and then move on. I love the color of your hair, I love your height, you have a great smile, great eyes, an absolute banging body and top of it all, an awesome personality. I will be asking you out again tomorrow." I say, "Oh. Thanks!" And change the subject. Now. I'm no fool. Just to look at me, he probably would have thought, "Eh. She's OK." It wasn't until he sat down and talked with me for awhile that he decided I was attractive. And I honestly think one of the main reasons he was, was because I was pretty obvious not intimidated by how HE looked. Even though we were so mismatched, looks-wise, I kind acted like OF COURSE I should be going out with a guy like him. Does that make sense at all?
MrNate Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Well, that's what I was talking about. Here, I'll give you an example of how this works for me. A few weeks ago, some guy messaged me on OKC and asked me out. I didn't look at his profile. I just looked at his age. He is 7 years younger than me, so I NICELY turned him down based on that. He made a joke and asked me out again about every other day for two weeks. Always funny, always light hearted. I just kept telling him he was too young and therefore, I wasn't interested in a friendly way. Anyway, I mentioned this guy to a friend because I think the whole situation is funny. And she checks out his profile and says, "Go out with guy, Sarah. Seriously, he's HOT." In essence, she convinced me to go out with this KID. We meet at a coffee shop and this boy is a SOLID 10. He is movie star hot. I couldn't believe that he was even on a dating website, he was that good looking. In fact, at one point he went to the restroom and the girl who made my latte made a point of coming over and telling me how cute he is. Internally, I laughed a little. I thought to myself, "Oh this poor boy! On a date with a girl 1/2 as attractive and 7 years older. Well, I'll at least try to make it fun for him..." So basically, I just say screw it and tried my best to have a good time. We cracked some jokes and laughed and all that fun first date jazz. Out of the blue, this boy stops and says, AND I QUOTE, "Listen, I don't want to be like a lot of other douchebags and just compliment you nonstop all night, so I'm going to just say what I have to say and then move on. I love the color of your hair, I love your height, you have a great smile, great eyes, an absolute banging body and top of it all, an awesome personality. I will be asking you out again tomorrow." I say, "Oh. Thanks!" And change the subject. Now. I'm no fool. Just to look at me, he probably would have thought, "Eh. She's OK." It wasn't until he sat down and talked with me for awhile that he decided I was attractive. And I honestly think one of the main reasons he was, was because I was pretty obvious not intimidated by how HE looked. Even though we were so mismatched, looks-wise, I kind acted like OF COURSE I should be going out with a guy like him. Does that make sense at all? Yep. Not surprised here. As the saying goes 'A woman's power is in her looks. A man's power is in his mystery.'
MrNate Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Why are you two debating the semantics of a word? What someone feels is aloof, another may call arrogant. another may call stuck up. another may call shy. If she feels she is sending off aloof signals, big deal. A guy may perceive her to be cold and move on. Another guy may perceive her to be shy and move in. I agree with this.
OceanGirl Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Eh, I think that everyone knows deep down if they are pretty or not. I know that I am vaguely pretty but not exceptionally so. When I want to, I know how to make the most of my looks. I am well groomed and take care of waxing/manicures/pedis/hair appointments etc. Plus I dress for my shape and know what suits me. Without all that, I would probably be average. My eyes are by far my best feature followed by my boobs and then legs. When I want to - I play up all and it usually works well
hART Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I honestly think the trick to this, if you're female, is to not give a crap. I feel like I trick a lot of guys into thinking I'm hot stuff just by not caring whether or not they find me attractive. I think this must be unconscionably appealing to men and is probably the ONLY reason I get approached by anyone. You aren't the only one. It depends on the personality of the person attracted to you. If they want a strong, independent woman, they most likely will go after the aloof chick.
Stung Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 I just know . Seriously, though, this is going to sound all after-school-special but--a lot of people do think I'm pretty, and I'm pretty sure a lot of other people don't. I finally learned to just not give a sh*t. What I have noticed makes the biggest difference in my day is how I feel about it. I just decide that I look good and then put it behind me and go about my day feeling confident; it beats the hell out of feeling self-conscious and insecure and wondering if people are looking at you because you're too tall or there's something green in your teeth.
make me believe Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Eh, I think that everyone knows deep down if they are pretty or not. Yeah, I agree. I really don't think it's as complicated as people are making it out to be. Either you're a generally attractive/pretty person, or you're not. You don't have to be a "perfect" 10 to be considered attractive or pretty. I do think that "pretty" depends more on facial features & natural qualities, though. You can boost your looks (and especially your hotness factor) with hair, makeup, & clothes, but you can't fake natural beauty.
Leigh 87 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Yeah, there is a different between being a 10 ( tall thin bikini model type with beautiful face), and being pretty. I am average, but because I exercise and eat very well, my body is better than average. When I have clear skin and glow with health, and when I get my euebrows professionally waxed, my features look more symmetrical. Basically, when an expert makes my eyebrows symmetrical and even, and when I curn my long eyelashes and put a little mascara on them - in addition to keeping a hot body - I am " attractive" to SOME men. Still not every one. And not attractive enough for men to be bowled over by me. most people are not stunning. But with the right make up, exercise and diet routine, and attitude, things can change; you can go from a " natural" 4 or 5, to being a 7 if you make an effort.
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