IfiKnewThen Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 have been in a very bad and strained marriage for years....its little like we lived 2 separate lives but were together for many reasons. i had an ea (i dont know if thats the right abbreviation for years with someone amazing) but since there was a huge age gap and 2000 miles between us and i had a disability which got worse and i always feared God and didnt want to jump into things......and since i was irritable being in my marriage and with this illness my husband didnt understand...i finally stressed the ea to a breaking point and my very best friend and love finally ended it back in the summer. i held out hope for reconciliation with him for 7 months now..but he is in a new relationship now (another long distant one, with a lady who lives mexico who is staying with him all thru the holidays) i just tried to make a long story short. the wind up is he filled me everyday with hope and joy and love and peace and commitment and friendship for 10 years. yes thats right 10 years. he was going to be with me and me with him...but the stress got too great for him..(understandably)..but he never talked about it and just kept it all in, and finally convertly ended it. became more distant till i knew something was wrong. anyway, we barely spoke after the break up for 7 months now. recently i wanted to send him a christmas gift and tell him how sorry i was about how i let the stresses in my life get to me and how i hated myself for taking it out on him or not making the separation of my problems and disability affect us. my husband actually knew we were friends...but not the extent of our feelings for one another and dreams. now my husband sees me grieving...the loss of this very special unique person..who prayed with me, and fought urges, and was with me thru my mothers lost battle with cancer... i am so grief sticken and i hate the holidays. i feel so lost. even in my own home..because he was here with me....because i couldnt travel with my disability. i sound so pathetic i know. i am so down right now its not funny. its beyond horrible.............. sorry i just stopped and cried my heart out and head off. i am going thru such grief with this loss. its worse then loved ones i have lost thru death. God help me for feeling this way. please tell me someone how to get thru this get over this. i wish this person were horrible to me. what makes it so bad is he was everything to me. he was so good he was like a saint. so help me. i am NOT just seeing good in him because i lost him. my whole family loved him too and feels the loss. he helped us in so many ways. i know this is an unusual situation. it must sound bizzare even. but he was like an angel. i lost an angel. i feel so lost . sorry for rambling. dont know who to turn to...having a real bad night. ps srinks are out of the question for me. i had such a bad experience with one long ago and ...sitting talking to one is not for me. just need someone i can relate to and vs versa and some prayers.
Recommended Posts