lizzardj Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I'm really hoping to seek advice from all of you. I've been with my boyfriend for going on 6 years. In the beginning we were young. I was 16 he was 18. Now I'm 21, he's 23. We had career goals and were motivated. We were able to dream about our life together, and talk about our hopes for the future. It was all easier said than done. After graduating high school he got a job as a security guard and was making a lot of money (in our young eyes). He would pamper me, drive everywhere, take me on adventures. I was livin the good life. Then he got a DUI (he was 19 at the time). Lost his job, became incredibly broke with all of those horrible fines. I supported him through it all thinking things would go back to normal after everything. And was the main breadwinner in the relationship. He finally picked up a local job in our town at an office supplies store while he had his DUI. His plan was to work local until he could drive again. Almost 4 years has gone by and he has taken no initiative to find a better job. Most of his successful friends have obviously moved on to bigger and better things, leaving my boyfriend to hang out with complete scum. And my boyfriend still feels okay about his life because he at least has a job, unlike his current friends. I'm a driven girl, I have a lot of plans. I make good money, I'm going back to college. I travel, I bought a brand new car, I have good credit....meanwhile he has trashed his car, ruined his credit, can't afford school and wont even take initiative to apply for financial aid, and works 20 hours a week and IS OKAY WITH IT. Christmas is coming up which is always depressing for me. I come from a family who gets very excited about Christmas. His family on the other hand doesn't even get their kids presents or anything. So because of his upbringing, and because he is so broke all the time and cant prioritize at all, I never end up getting anything from him like I used to. He claims 2011 is going to be a better year. I mean, we've been together a long time. Should I give him a time limit? He's very romantic, but that's all he has to offer these days. And it's just not cutting it anymore. We are adults. We have to make it in this world, and I can't be putting in all the effort.
Surrealist Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Your relatively long relationship with your boyfriend and you persevering throughout those problems is praiseworthy alone. You're doing much better than the vast majority on this forum. I don't think a time limit is a good idea but perhaps you really need to make it clear to him you are not happy with the situation. However if you have already done that to no avail, then perhaps a time-limit type ultimatum is in order, if you are happy doing this. It would be very tirinig and exhausting contributing so much of the income to the relationship and your boyfriend needs to understand that and stop taking it for granted.
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