Enthusiastic Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 (edited) I'll try to make this short... My boyfriend and I have been going out for quite a while now. Our relationship hasn't exactly been the greatest, but there has been its moments. We've told each other pretty much everything about our past relationships, family, and other personal things. Just to get it out so there won’t be question in the long run. He was ok with that. I was thinking about it one day when I was on my way home from work, and I realized that here’s been so much bull***** going on from the start of our relationship until now. What I’ve posted below was some of the main events that really…I can’t even find a word for it. Pissed me off, let’s say. What’s happened in the relationship: - His ex called him the first week we went out. I had to find out by one of his friends. I confronted him about it, and he said that it was nothing. Oh? If it wasn't anything, why not bother to mention it if we've already told each other about our ex's? [He told me upfront one night when we were cuddling that if MY ex contacted me, that it’s a big ‘no no’. So when his ex contacted him it was okay?] - He went out with his friends to a bar. [i have [b]NO[/b] problem with this. He makes a habit of texting me. Why didn't I go with him? I was underage at the time.] He was tagged in a picture on Facebook. What was it of? Him and one of his "guy friends good friend". The problem? She was on him. Literally. Ticked off, I confronted him about it, and he said it was nothing... I asked him how he would have reacted if he found a picture of me and one of my guy friends doing what they did. He said he would have been ticked off as well. [i have no problem when it comes to him and chicks, just as long as he tells me... but in this case he didn’t, and I think what he did was wrong.] - Another night one of my guy friends had texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out with a couple of his friends, both guys and girls. I told my boyfriend about it. He said he didn’t like that idea. Yet that night he was going out as well with his friends. [being the dope I am, I turned down my friend and sat at home and did nothing. I know I make my own decisions. He can hang out with his friends – both genders – but I can’t? That night he told me that he didn't like the thought of me hanging out with other guys unless he's there.] There are many more events that have happened, but those are the most important… I honestly don’t know what to think about this, the relationship I mean. I care for him a lot, and he knows that. He isn’t a bad guy, but sometimes I think he thinks that I’m his to control. If that makes sense. I don’t know what to do or what to think…if you guys could give me your opinions, it would help me a lot… Edited December 16, 2010 by Enthusiastic
creighton0123 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Sounds like there's not enough honest communication and trust being exchanged on both sides. In any relationship, it is natural not to completely trust the person at first, but you grow closer and trust accumulates. You seem to be moving in the opposite direction :-( I'd set some rules. When my ex boyfriends call me, I always let my boyfriend know and share with him, word for word, what we talked about. Luckily, only the last ex keeps calling and the only other ex I talk to is the last of the girlfriends. Perhaps you should take a page from that book. Let him know that you don't mind, but expect to be informed about it. As for the bar story, both the situation he was in and his not telling you when you asked him about it was wrong. Let your BF know that you expect equality in a relationship. Sit down with him, talk to him, and set some ground rules that are both fare. It seems like if you're going to continue this, he needs to get better at communicating with you and trusting you until you've given him a reason not to. If he can't treat you equally now, chances are things will get worse in the future if you don't address it or move on. You also run the risk of alienating your friends.
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