KarmasTestDummy Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 You've seen OWs demand that stuff? There seems to be a biiiiig difference between a married OW and a non married OW...... The cases where I saw it were mm had separated and living with ow, but ow had the nagging fear that what was done to w would now be done to her and demanded full disclosure out of fear he was still talking to w or going to counseling or gonna turn around and move home.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 huh??????????????? True! Mow have their own relationship to protect at home and I would think are less attached than a sow who has committed herself and desperately holding out hope. If they are 4 weeks NC then I would reason to guess she's checking so frequently out of any shards of knowledge on how he's doing or if you are now living happily ever after. That's gonna be the thOught process at least, that he has forgotten all about her and now ur marriage is suddenly honky dory with fancy trips and extravagant gifts to make up for his bad behavior. Far from reality I'm sure but it's a huge heartbreak and ur mind can't help but think the worst and seek validation otherwise. If the checking stopped I'd be more concerned, because that likely means he or her have broken NC and she doesn't need to know the status update every second when she can just talk to him.
pureinheart Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Hello ;-) I have a question for those that have been "the other woman" I hope you don't mind replying and letting me in on some insight. Have you, as the OW, either "stalked" or felt the need to "stalk" your MM's Wife? I get the wife wanting to check out the OW and "stalk" her...you know, "competition" and all. But if you're an OW and are on NC with your MM, what's your goal, purpose, or point in "stalking" the betrayed wife? Thanks for your insight! I am a former OW...long story short, I went NC and his W, kids and he himself stalked me...I wanted nothing to do with any of them. MM separated from his W and I stuck with him during his D and realised this was not what I wanted for many reasons. I did not even know what she looked like until they stalked me on myspace...her outer appearance matched the inside of her along with her kids:sick:...I was dealing with very disturbed people...I'm glad exDM got out.
pureinheart Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Yes, I wanted to know what she looks like. That's it. Call it curious? No stalking, but googled facebook n I guess that makes me a stalker. My purpose was to have image of her. I was curious is all. I don't believe this to be stalking...if a person is public on FB, then anyone can access
anne1707 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 True! Mow have their own relationship to protect at home and I would think are less attached than a sow who has committed herself and desperately holding out hope. If they are 4 weeks NC then I would reason to guess she's checking so frequently out of any shards of knowledge on how he's doing or if you are now living happily ever after. That's gonna be the thOught process at least, that he has forgotten all about her and now ur marriage is suddenly honky dory with fancy trips and extravagant gifts to make up for his bad behavior. Far from reality I'm sure but it's a huge heartbreak and ur mind can't help but think the worst and seek validation otherwise. If the checking stopped I'd be more concerned, because that likely means he or her have broken NC and she doesn't need to know the status update every second when she can just talk to him. Mini t/j but the thought that comes to mind here is that if a married woman is less attached to her AP than a single woman would be then by the same logic, isn't a married man less attached to his AP than a single man would be.
pureinheart Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I don't consider checking fb or googling to see a photo stalking at all. If someone has an open fb page then one would assume that they want to be found. The OW in my case toward the end of their R would show up weekly and sit right behind or beside the table of girls I met each week for dinner and drinks. I knew of her but didn't know she was OW till way after D day. I never saw her after her identity was revealed, I told my H to make certain that I didn't that it would not be a happy ending for any of us. From what I understand she would throw a fit when say he bought me a new car,ect... There are a few BS on here with crazy stories of stalker OW as well as a few who no longer post here. Bold...that would creep me out, I just don't get the reasoning with a stalker BS or OM/OW. I am really sorry that happened to you...I forgot that you were a BS because your posting style is objective and real:)...so was shocked to see this.
jennie-jennie Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 No. Never did. I can't image sinking that low. I believe Facebook didn't exist 14 years ago?
steelknife Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Hello ;-) have you, as the OW, either "stalked" or felt the need to "stalk" your MM's Wife? I get the wife wanting to check out the OW and "stalk" her...you know, "competition" and all. But if you're an OW and are on NC with your MM, what's your goal, purpose, or point in "stalking" the betrayed wife? Thanks for your insight! during our affair. i never had the urge to "stalk" the bs. i knew what she looked like. we would meet in some mutual friends party and although we werent great friends. we would say hi and hello. but i avoided her. due to "guilty"factor i carry. a few people said we look similar. i never agree. we are both very fair for our race and i guess it is just the "type" of xmm. the ones he get attracted to. anyway, after dday, i was stalking her fb thru xmm's before i deleted my fb. i couldnt handle the lovey dovey pics designed to be thrown at my face. but all i wanted to see was how they spend their time together, goign to parks and parties with their friends.. but i always get this feeling of being outside looking in. in a way, am glad i deleted my fb. it would still hurt a lot if i see him. althoug i do know she went through my pics in a mutual friends fb. i just know.i dont have proofs but i knwo. anyway, i cant blame her. self esteem is being attacked when one discovers an affair. on my part, i just also want to confirm if they really went whre he said they weree going thats why he wasnt able to call.. but once, he lied to me and i never told him that i knew he ws lying. bec he ddint know i had access to his wife fb page thru another mutual friend, he toldme once that he wasnt able to call me on one family outing they had bec his 16 year old son didnt swim with the younger ones and the he was with xmm all the time, xmm didnt have the chance. when i saw the pic, the son was swimming. so? lie. serves me right for stalking.
anne1707 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I forgot that you were a BS because your posting style is objective and real:)...so was shocked to see this. That sounds a tad judgemental of BS to me.....
Summer Breeze Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Never needed to check anything as I wasn't overly concerned about 'them'. My R was with him and that was what I was what my focus was. I still have photos from our holidays and times together on FB because he knew many of my friends and family. A few months ago he emailed and in that message said she is still looking at my profile. I think I looked at hers once and it was when he mentioned there was an event that involved a mutual friend. I saw the photos and then left. When my H cheated on me I knew the OW so didn't have any need to check her out.
siuys Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Hello ;-) I have a question for those that have been "the other woman" I hope you don't mind replying and letting me in on some insight. Have you, as the OW, either "stalked" or felt the need to "stalk" your MM's Wife? I get the wife wanting to check out the OW and "stalk" her...you know, "competition" and all. But if you're an OW and are on NC with your MM, what's your goal, purpose, or point in "stalking" the betrayed wife? Thanks for your insight! No desire to stalk. I am on NC with xMM and my goal is to move on and live my life. Maybe some people stalk because they are curious, they feel competitive and want to know what they are up against. xMM told me a lot about his W, and showed me pictures. So I guess he did the stalking for me! I sometimes can't even believe I'm writing these words, that i've been involved with a MM!
OWoman Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Nope never had the slightest inclination. I was told far more than I'd ever have wanted to know about her by his friends and family - it made me want to stay very far away from her indeed. More recently FB has suggested I friend her a couple of times - I've no idea why, as she has only a half-dozen friends, none in common with me or any of my FB friends, but it could just be because of geographic location I guess. (I've blocked her on FB, even though my and my H's profiles are pretty well tied down, privacy-wise...)
seren Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I hold my hand up to looking for her profile on various sites, including FB and Friends Reunited. I wanted to see what she looked like so if she was in a queue with me I wouldn't help or be nice!! When I saw her, I realised she had been doing numerous drive by's during the A and after D Day, well let's just say the looking at FB pics of her seems like such a small thing to all the crap she put me through. But all OK now, well no, I have had a number of really nasty anon phone calls lately, always happens when H away. I have contacted the phone company and the number comes from her home town - let it go already! It's been over 3 years now and life has moved on. I so understand anyone, be they BS, OW/OM wanting to see what the other person is like, curiosity and all that.
pureinheart Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Bold...that would creep me out, I just don't get the reasoning with a stalker BS or OM/OW. I am really sorry that happened to you...I forgot that you were a BS because your posting style is objective and real:)...so was shocked to see this. That sounds a tad judgemental of BS to me..... Excuse me???? I am really not understanding what is judgemental about saying that I am sorry the OW stalked her and that I had forgotten that she was a BS and sorry to see that had happened to her ....BEING STALKED BY SOMEONE. With all of the rude posts I see on this board from BS's and ROW and I have never seen you say a word...please put me on ignore
pureinheart Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Excuse me???? I am really not understanding what is judgemental about saying that I am sorry the OW stalked her and that I had forgotten that she was a BS and sorry to see that had happened to her ....BEING STALKED BY SOMEONE. With all of the rude posts I see on this board from BS's and ROW and I have never seen you say a word...please put me on ignore One more thing...I find that reading the context of a post is important. I can't believe how many posts are taken so out of context, twisted into such pretzels, to be unrecognizable.
woinlove Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Hello ;-) I have a question for those that have been "the other woman" I hope you don't mind replying and letting me in on some insight. Have you, as the OW, either "stalked" or felt the need to "stalk" your MM's Wife? I get the wife wanting to check out the OW and "stalk" her...you know, "competition" and all. But if you're an OW and are on NC with your MM, what's your goal, purpose, or point in "stalking" the betrayed wife? Thanks for your insight! From what I have learned on LS I can see a couple possible motivations/explanations. First one sees that all the strong feelings do not end with NC and in some cases even seem to intensify. One can see from some of the threads here that some OW feel a competition with the wife, although not all who do will admit it. Also, some appear to be obsessed and/or addicted, so it would not be surprising if such a person felt compelled to check out everything connected to MM. Do you know if the OW is also stalking your H, or is she just stalking you? It is particularly strange if she is just obsessed with stalking you.
frenchiefun Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I have never felt the need to "stalk'' my MM's wife - I don't know much about her at all. I know what she looks like (we are very different in looks) but other than that I don't have any interest in her at all. I haven't even bothered to look her up on FB.
anne1707 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 (edited) Bold...that would creep me out, I just don't get the reasoning with a stalker BS or OM/OW. I am really sorry that happened to you...I forgot that you were a BS because your posting style is objective and real:)...so was shocked to see this. That sounds a tad judgemental of BS to me..... Excuse me???? I am really not understanding what is judgemental about saying that I am sorry the OW stalked her and that I had forgotten that she was a BS and sorry to see that had happened to her ....BEING STALKED BY SOMEONE. With all of the rude posts I see on this board from BS's and ROW and I have never seen you say a word...please put me on ignore I was not commenting on what you said about stalking -0 what I find judgmental is that you are surprised that a BS can post in an "objective and real" manner. I also see plenty of rude posts from current OW - you can't have it all your own way Pure. I have also commented on rude posts in the past and even PMd you once because you seemed to be so bitter in your posts in one thread and I asked you whether you were OK! Plus as others have already said to you - do not tell me how to post/who to put on ignore - you are not a moderator. Edited December 16, 2010 by anne1707
someday Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Former BW here. Stalked by nutty xOW. H was feeling pretty badly about the whole deal. The way I saw it then and see it now is that there is only so much that I’m willing to deal with. She needed to go away. NOW. He brought her into my life he needed to get her out of my life. I didn’t care how just do it. Really, what it took was totally and complete NC, and no responding to the millions of hang up calls, screening calls at work, changing all numbers didn’t work because she’s on the fringes of our circle of friends/family so she was able to get his number again and again. She showed up at his work, at my work and later at our home. I’d just suggest to you that unless she’s actually doing something negative to you (like calling you or trying to make contact with you) let him figure out how to get her out and keep her out of your life while maintain complete NC with her.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 No desire to stalk. I am on NC with xMM and my goal is to move on and live my life. Maybe some people stalk because they are curious, they feel competitive and want to know what they are up against. xMM told me a lot about his W, and showed me pictures. So I guess he did the stalking for me! I sometimes can't even believe I'm writing these words, that i've been involved with a MM! Yes, same here. Mm told me and showed me more than I ever would want to know or see of the w. I don't make much mention of it because I know it is an awful betrayal to the W and mm will get torn to pieces here, but I have seen videos, pictures, her profile, and her home all unbeknownst to her.
someday Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Yes, same here. Mm told me and showed me more than I ever would want to know or see of the w. I don't make much mention of it because I know it is an awful betrayal to the W and mm will get torn to pieces here, but I have seen videos, pictures, her profile, and her home all unbeknownst to her. Yea, KTD, that would piss me off to no end. That would be an invasion of my privacy...unless I invited a person into my private world they've no business knowing anything about me.
OWoman Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Yes, same here. Mm told me and showed me more than I ever would want to know or see of the w. I don't make much mention of it because I know it is an awful betrayal to the W and mm will get torn to pieces here, but I have seen videos, pictures, her profile, and her home all unbeknownst to her. My xH was like that about his 1st W to me. I heard endless details about her sexual frigidity, her neuroses, her personal hygiene habits and her dubious parenting - and she was one of my lecturers! Despite my telling him I wasn't interested, he simply couldn't stop himself. I have no doubt that his subsequent GFs heard all about me and what a bitch I was Some guys just don't have boundaries where they ought. I had a manager like that too. He'd happily tell an entire tea room of people about details of his personal life - including details of his intimate life with his W - with no concern that he might be betraying a confidence. We'd squirm for him - and her! - and change the subject as fast as we could, but he never understood that it's inappropriate.
herenow Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Some guys just don't have boundaries where they ought. Irony at it's best. IMO
MorningCoffee Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 After D-Day and NC started, I was de-friended by ex-AP/MW on Facebook, but not blocked, so I found I could still navigate to her public page via a mutual friend's page. I would go there occasionally to see what was written on her Wall by her BH. My purpose was to see if there was any hint they were actually reconciling or not. Never got anything useful though. However, posts by him and her friends on her birthday were painful to read -- her bd the year before had been such a special day for us -- that I knew I had to stop going there. Later on, I actually blocked her FB so I could no longer give in to temptation.
Confused4Now Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Early on about 2 years ago....I'd do drive by's cause it was on my way home. I did this cause H had moved out during separation. However it was clear he was spending nights there at times until he fully moved back. As for the online stuff....I removed contacts on all my IM's and FB. So I would look at her stuff. That was the extent of my stalking back in the day. Today I still don't have my FB activated. I will not do drive by's....I'm pretty much focusing on me.... BTW...I can assure you she's watching me....that's just the type of person she is.
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