Funf Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 This is the most common advice that's always given to me regarding dating: just relax and have fun. I've always found that to be difficult but it seems like with this current guy I've been having the most problems with relaxing and enjoying myself. I think it's because I really like him more compared to how I felt with my ex boyfriends at this stage of dating. During the date, I do my best to relax and "be myself," which is pretty difficult but I manage. However, it's after the date when I break down. I start overanalyzing things that I said during the date and things he said/did, worrying if he's going to call me, wondering what he's thinking of me, etc etc. The longer he waits to call, the more analyzing I do and it just becomes a huge vicious cycle. Yesterday I went out on a long date with him and the first couple of hours was painfully bad. He didn't seem like himself and was very distant. I'm not sure why. But the next 5 hours were fantastic and things were back to normal. However, now I'm just focused on the first couple hours of the date and wondering what went wrong. I know that it's the journey that matters and not the destination. How do I keep that perspective? I just worry and overanalyze all the time I don't know how to have fun!
daphne Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 1-heavy drinking. 2-sedative 3-Let go of the idea that this is the last guy you'll ever be as interested in and trying to control the situation in a favorable outcome for you. It's normal for people to be a bit uptight around someone wwe're really interested in, but it's also a turnoff. It sounds like he may be suffering from it too. You have to think of yourself as the prize and perhaps you'll shine better. Instead of thinking what hoops you have to jump through to get him to stick around. The first creates attraction. The second is quite the opposite.
Author Funf Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 You have to think of yourself as the prize and perhaps you'll shine better.How do I go about thinking like that? Right now my though process is backwards. I view him as the prize and I have to try to win him. Since the rest of the date went well, do I still have a chance? Or was it pretty much doomed and screwed up from the first couple of hours?
ConflictedGuy27 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 How do I go about thinking like that? Right now my though process is backwards. I view him as the prize and I have to try to win him. Since the rest of the date went well, do I still have a chance? Or was it pretty much doomed and screwed up from the first couple of hours? this here seems to indicate your problem IMO - your dating philosophy could use an overhaul. instead of finding the nearest soap box, standing on it & preaching at you as though my philosophy is more correct (because it might not be), I'll share a few beliefs of mine with you: 1. not everyone is a suitable romantic match; 2. that's 100% okay; & 3. some people are romantic matches, depending on the circumstances. following me so far? if so, you can already begin to calm down because those are the only premises you need to understand & internalize, in order to chill out & have a good time. Speaking from experience, dating is most fun when it happens as a by product of me doing what I was born to do. I have hobbies, I have interests, I love people, social situations & just plain kickin' it. As a by product of doing what I enjoy (in environments where people are around), I meet people. many of them are genuinely cool, attractive, not so attractive, kind of nerdy, totally nerdy, super suave, & can handle 12 shots of Jameson without breaking a sweat, respectively. all of these people are potentially awesome. many of them may OR MAY NOT be potential romantic interests of mine, but that doesn't remove my desire to want to get to know them & have a good time, to the extent that we could be friends and enjoy each others' company. I've found this philosophy conducive to getting quite a few dates, regularly, as well as making a lot of new friends because the whole process becomes rather organic and not forced. nobody's trying to impress anyone when you accept this philosophy. on a whim I've asked a girl (I wasn't necessarily interested in impressing) if she liked chocolate mousse, at this social thing. she said "yeah, of course. why?" me: "cause chocolate mousse is awesome, I'd like some and dessert's always better with company. let's bail & grab dessert." instant date. this girl wasn't the cutest, but super interesting. although we weren't a romantic match, we're good friends today & that's awesome, you know? the objective isn't to "win" the person you're after, even when you're in hot pursuit (short term flings notwithstanding). instead, the point should be to get to know the person better. & if there's stuff both of you have in common, do that stuff together & see where things go. this is how I "have fun" dating. dating for me is fun because it's an ancillary benefit, a by product of, me doing what I'd be doing anyway - hanging out, enjoying good company & doing what I (& friends of mine with similar interests) enjoy doing.
Yer_Blues Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 this here seems to indicate your problem IMO - your dating philosophy could use an overhaul. instead of finding the nearest soap box, standing on it & preaching at you as though my philosophy is more correct (because it might not be), I'll share a few beliefs of mine with you: 1. not everyone is a suitable romantic match; 2. that's 100% okay; & 3. some people are romantic matches, depending on the circumstances. following me so far? if so, you can already begin to calm down because those are the only premises you need to understand & internalize, in order to chill out & have a good time. Speaking from experience, dating is most fun when it happens as a by product of me doing what I was born to do. I have hobbies, I have interests, I love people, social situations & just plain kickin' it. As a by product of doing what I enjoy (in environments where people are around), I meet people. many of them are genuinely cool, attractive, not so attractive, kind of nerdy, totally nerdy, super suave, & can handle 12 shots of Jameson without breaking a sweat, respectively. all of these people are potentially awesome. many of them may OR MAY NOT be potential romantic interests of mine, but that doesn't remove my desire to want to get to know them & have a good time, to the extent that we could be friends and enjoy each others' company. I've found this philosophy conducive to getting quite a few dates, regularly, as well as making a lot of new friends because the whole process becomes rather organic and not forced. nobody's trying to impress anyone when you accept this philosophy. on a whim I've asked a girl (I wasn't necessarily interested in impressing) if she liked chocolate mousse, at this social thing. she said "yeah, of course. why?" me: "cause chocolate mousse is awesome, I'd like some and dessert's always better with company. let's bail & grab dessert." instant date. this girl wasn't the cutest, but super interesting. although we weren't a romantic match, we're good friends today & that's awesome, you know? the objective isn't to "win" the person you're after, even when you're in hot pursuit (short term flings notwithstanding). instead, the point should be to get to know the person better. & if there's stuff both of you have in common, do that stuff together & see where things go. this is how I "have fun" dating. dating for me is fun because it's an ancillary benefit, a by product of, me doing what I'd be doing anyway - hanging out, enjoying good company & doing what I (& friends of mine with similar interests) enjoy doing. Post is extremely helpful and well presented.
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