baffled by this outcome

[the_dynamo]

Of course, I'm scientific minded too. I'm not running on purely emotions either. I need reasoning too. But, I'm telling you it works better than your current method. Because things do NOT make sense in the dating world.

 

At the very least, with pattern recognition you take out the need to ask the questions - What caused this? What is the reason for this? Because these are just patterns that you recognize.

 

right on, maybe I should be less concerned with what went wrong and more on trying to predict what works. if something doesn't work out the hell with it, it was out of my hands.

[TaraMaiden]

all this talking is making me feel better, but I am not prepared to change who I am just to score a girl. I rather go out with less women in my own way than get a whole lot of girl by forcing my self to act a certain way.

You will therefore be narrowing your horizons to factor in only like-minded women in your field of choice.

We seek a reflection of our own qualities ans characteristics in our opposite number.

It's compatibility. It's the meeting of Minds and the ability to see matters, together, objectively, "on the same page".

 

There's nothing wrong with this at all, if this is what you are content to seek and find.

Quite the opposite, it's commendable.

 

However, from where I'm standing, it seems to me that if you DO focus purely and simply on engaging with a woman who meets your criteria, and therefore has similar opinions, values and viewpoints to yourself - it's going to make for a very practically-founded, analytical, scientific partnership, where everything will be focussed on, examined, scrutinised, questioned and tested.

 

from my own personal point of view, that sounds less like a romantic relationship and more like a business partnership.

 

But if that's what floats your boat, I wish you much luck.

[TaraMaiden]

hang on a minute... I've just latched on to this one:

 

 

Neat point....

 

all this talking is making me feel better, but I am not prepared to change who I am

 

"Who" are you?

 

Not what your name is, not what you do, not how old you are, not what gender you are.... these are all points of reference, to establish our position in social and professional spheres.

these are all what you are.

 

But - WHO - are you, exactly?

[the_dynamo]

You will therefore be narrowing your horizons to factor in only like-minded women in your field of choice.

We seek a reflection of our own qualities ans characteristics in our opposite number.

It's compatibility. It's the meeting of Minds and the ability to see matters, together, objectively, "on the same page".

 

There's nothing wrong with this at all, if this is what you are content to seek and find.

Quite the opposite, it's commendable.

 

However, from where I'm standing, it seems to me that if you DO focus purely and simply on engaging with a woman who meets your criteria, and therefore has similar opinions, values and viewpoints to yourself - it's going to make for a very practically-founded, analytical, scientific partnership, where everything will be focussed on, examined, scrutinised, questioned and tested.

 

from my own personal point of view, that sounds less like a romantic relationship and more like a business partnership.

 

But if that's what floats your boat, I wish you much luck.

well I have been attracted to girls with differing personalities from myself, for instance I am not really loud myself, but I have had the hots for some loud girls:love:

 

In fact I don't think I am very attracted to girls who behave too much like myself, they might be kinda boring, plus I wana be the brains behind the duo:laugh:

[the_dynamo]

hang on a minute... I've just latched on to this one:

 

 

Neat point....

 

 

 

"Who" are you?

 

Not what your name is, not what you do, not how old you are, not what gender you are.... these are all points of reference, to establish our position in social and professional spheres.

these are all what you are.

 

But - WHO - are you, exactly?

I play by my principles and don't aim to please, that's who I am, not a show off. I strike rarely but with precision.

 

sounds lame but something like that.

[TaraMaiden]

well I have been attracted to girls with differing personalities from myself, for instance I am not really loud myself, but I have had the hots for some loud girls:love:

 

In fact I don't think I am very attracted to girls who behave too much like myself, they might be kinda boring, plus I wana be the brains behind the duo:laugh:

 

Good, I'm glad you came back with this.

In this case, all logical evaluation of emotional reactions and responses has to be thrown out of the window.

Enter into relationships with gay abandon. ('Gay' in the traditional and original sense of the word....)

permit yourself to wonder, but do no more than that, because second-guessing somebody else's emotional responses is completely futile, unproductive and fruitless.

And second-guess is all we have.

No labs, no sensors, no expensive and complicated equipment, no highly-educated scientists, no lab assistants, no technicians, no psychologists - and no willing guinea-pig.

 

Sometimes, things are the way they are, because that's the way they are.

 

The thing to focus on is not, "Why did they...."

 

But,

 

"What do I do now?"

[Psymon]

Hey The Dynamo,

 

It can be baffling when women fall off the face of the earth for seemingly no reason. However, it looks like she may have had reason in this case. When you first met her and got her contact information, you waited two days to text her. Why did it take so long to contact her?

 

Again, after texting back a forth, you wait another two days to text again. And when she doesn't reply, you text again two days later. From her point of view, it can seem like you're not very interested in her. Maybe you have so many women that it takes you a few days to contact her. And you never called her. I would much rather talk to a woman than text her. As you can tell by now, my writing is really bad. I'm much better on the phone or face to face. In the future, don't be afraid to contact a woman quickly, and talk to her, don't text her.

[Eddie Edirol]

Dynamo you dont have enough experience with women to be able to use any science to predict their actions. You deliberately restrict your experience learning because youre afraid of getting rejected for practice. Youre a bookworm im sure, have you even picked up a book on how to talk to women and dating dynamics? Have you dont any research on this whatsoever and put it into practice?

 

Bottom line is you can be a quitter if you want, but you still havent learned anything. Youre ego is hurt because you think you know what to do, but you innately know that you dont know what youre doing and dont know where you went wrong. If you did the research, you would know exactly 2 things:

1) what you did wrong when talking to her to get her number, or

2.) what you said to turn her off during the texting.

 

I already know 2 things you did wrong, and I dont even know the whole story.

 

Evil voice:"I can help you...."

[the_dynamo]

Hey The Dynamo,

 

It can be baffling when women fall off the face of the earth for seemingly no reason. However, it looks like she may have had reason in this case. When you first met her and got her contact information, you waited two days to text her. Why did it take so long to contact her?

 

Again, after texting back a forth, you wait another two days to text again. And when she doesn't reply, you text again two days later. From her point of view, it can seem like you're not very interested in her. Maybe you have so many women that it takes you a few days to contact her. And you never called her. I would much rather talk to a woman than text her. As you can tell by now, my writing is really bad. I'm much better on the phone or face to face. In the future, don't be afraid to contact a woman quickly, and talk to her, don't text her.

 

I thought it was customary to wait 2-3 days before contacting to not seem needy and attached?

also the fact that I do contact her should be enough evidence for her that I like her!!

 

 

I actually don't know for sure if this girl does not like me, all I know is that she did not respond to my two latest texts. I inferred that a girl who does not reply to my text is probably uninterested.

I have thought of calling her just to have tried the possibility, but I am hesitant to do so because I think she might: 1. she might not answer or 2. she will answer but will be very hostile! both of which I don't want to deal with.

 

If enough people here think I should call her I might, after it can't get worse than this.

[the_dynamo]

Dynamo you dont have enough experience with women to be able to use any science to predict their actions. You deliberately restrict your experience learning because youre afraid of getting rejected for practice. Youre a bookworm im sure, have you even picked up a book on how to talk to women and dating dynamics? Have you dont any research on this whatsoever and put it into practice?

 

Bottom line is you can be a quitter if you want, but you still havent learned anything. Youre ego is hurt because you think you know what to do, but you innately know that you dont know what youre doing and dont know where you went wrong. If you did the research, you would know exactly 2 things:

1) what you did wrong when talking to her to get her number, or

2.) what you said to turn her off during the texting.

 

I already know 2 things you did wrong, and I dont even know the whole story.

 

Evil voice:"I can help you...."

yeah I might have fumbled a little when asking her out, but I laughed it off with her, no problem.

and well I kinda gave her a heads up that I was going to call her in the first text she ignored, but in the context of a girl that was interested in me there would be nothing wrong with that.

[the_dynamo]

so everyone should I call this girl? maybe just for the challenge of it

 

 

I want to hear what you guys think.

[fishtaco]

yeah I might have fumbled a little when asking her out, but I laughed it off with her, no problem.

and well I kinda gave her a heads up that I was going to call her in the first text she ignored, but in the context of a girl that was interested in me there would be nothing wrong with that.

 

Yup. exactly. If she was really interested in you, these details wouldn't have mattered. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to achieve the perfect performance, but with this girl, even if you did, I doubt the outcome would have been any different.

 

Anyway, in addition to using "pattern recognition", my other suggestion for you is to strike often. Shotgun method. Cast a wide net, pull in whatever you can, and sort them out later.

 

Dating is a number game, like it or not. We all have a percentage floating above our heads. Even if you and I have the same percentage, you strike once a month, I strike once a week, two possible outcomes: 1) I'll get one sooner than you 2) if I spend the same time as you mucking around, then my pool to choose from will be larger than yours, and my chances will be higher at finding someone that matches what I'm looking for.

 

Of course, luck will throw a wrench into this. Blind luck beats all, period. It's better to be lucky than to be good. But I don't believe in luck, I would prefer not to have to depend on it. I can improve my "good", I can't improve my luck.

 

Since you're a thinker, I don't need to tell you to take all advice, including this one, with a grain of salt. If it doesn't make sense to you then don't do it.

[the_dynamo]

Yup. exactly. If she was really interested in you, these details wouldn't have mattered. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to achieve the perfect performance, but with this girl, even if you did, I doubt the outcome would have been any different.

 

Anyway, in addition to using "pattern recognition", my other suggestion for you is to strike often. Shotgun method. Cast a wide net, pull in whatever you can, and sort them out later.

 

Dating is a number game, like it or not. We all have a percentage floating above our heads. Even if you and I have the same percentage, you strike once a month, I strike once a week, two possible outcomes: 1) I'll get one sooner than you 2) if I spend the same time as you mucking around, then my pool to choose from will be larger than yours, and my chances will be higher at finding someone that matches what I'm looking for.

 

Of course, luck will throw a wrench into this. Blind luck beats all, period. It's better to be lucky than to be good. But I don't believe in luck, I would prefer not to have to depend on it. I can improve my "good", I can't improve my luck.

 

Since you're a thinker, I don't need to tell you to take all advice, including this one, with a grain of salt. If it doesn't make sense to you then don't do it.

I appreciate your comment and you may be right, it clearly follows that if you try more, the odds of success will be more. I m just not sure I can easily do this, I am a really focused guy and find it hard to juggle multiple things at the same time. so in regards to women I find it hard to date casually with multiple women at the same time, I will unintentionally focus on one of these girls more than the others.

 

also fishtaco should I call the girl or not?

Edited December 16, 2010 by the_dynamo

[Psymon]

I thought it was customary to wait 2-3 days before contacting to not seem needy and attached?

also the fact that I do contact her should be enough evidence for her that I like her!!

 

 

I actually don't know for sure if this girl does not like me, all I know is that she did not respond to my two latest texts. I inferred that a girl who does not reply to my text is probably uninterested.

I have thought of calling her just to have tried the possibility, but I am hesitant to do so because I think she might: 1. she might not answer or 2. she will answer but will be very hostile! both of which I don't want to deal with.

 

If enough people here think I should call her I might, after it can't get worse than this.

 

I think we get ourselves in trouble when we try to do what is customary. I think you should contact her when you want to contact her. If you wanted to wait for two days, it would have been better if you told her beforehand "I'll contact you on Thursday", for example, and then contact her on Thursday.

 

You're right, she may or may not be interested. But I think you worry too much about her possible replies to you calling her. I see no risk at all in calling her. It doesn't really matter at this point if she doesn't answer or if she's hostile. It doesn't matter either if she falls head over heels in love with you. I think the important thing is to conquer this fear you have of expressing your interest directly.

 

And you can't assume that because you contact her that she knows you're interested. Men word things indirectly as a way to protect ourselves from rejection. I think your contact, to this point, is ambiguous at best, and platonic at worst.

[the_dynamo]

 

You're right, she may or may not be interested. But I think you worry too much about her possible replies to you calling her. I see no risk at all in calling her. It doesn't really matter at this point if she doesn't answer or if she's hostile. It doesn't matter either if she falls head over heels in love with you. I think the important thing is to conquer this fear you have of expressing your interest directly.

 

And you can't assume that because you contact her that she knows you're interested. Men word things indirectly as a way to protect ourselves from rejection. I think your contact, to this point, is ambiguous at best, and platonic at worst.

Ok I will call her, I am just concerned that I will have a pissed tone If I talk to her. I am kinda angered by this whole thing, but I also realize she hasn't done anything really bad, so I just have to discipline myself to remain calm and friendly, If a little annoyed.

[Psymon]

Good. And remember that there is really no one to blame here, so there's no need to be angry or rude or anything like that. Don't worry about what her response will be...do it for you!

[fishtaco]

I appreciate your comment and you may be right, it clearly follows that if you try more, the odds of success will be more. I m just not sure I can easily do this, I am a really focused guy and find it hard to juggle multiple things at the same time. so in regards to women I find it hard to date casually with multiple women at the same time, I will unintentionally focus on one of these girls more than the others.

 

Me too. I always have a favorite out of the list of women I'm seeing. In fact, if you ask me anytime, I can give you a ranking list. I don't treat or consider them equal.

 

But the priority list changes all the time. One week girl #2 did something to earn big points with me, okay, she gets top spot. Next week, suddenly she flaked, okay, I cut her from the list. Next week, she came back with a seemingly legit reason, okay, she's back in, at the bottom of the list.

 

Also, don't call her. The same amount effort it takes to chase a woman that's running away from you (success not guaranteed), you can go out and get numbers from several women.

 

If you call her, it'll be annoying for her, and frustrating for you. Depending on how she is, you just might become the stalker when she tells stories to her friends.

 

If you want a challenge, here are some ideas:

1) Go get as many numbers as you can. If you're up for multi dating (try it first, you never know), then try to date every one of them.

 

2) Same thing, get a bunch of numbers, but only date the one you like the best. The rest of the numbers, just don't call them. One of the advantages of being a guy is you're expected to take the initiative. So all you have to do is not take it, most of the time they won't come back and bug you. Even if they do come back and bug you, too f-ing bad. People are not interested in other people all the time. You've learned to deal with it, so should they.

 

3) If you really want to get this one girl... well, this is way too much effort, she's not worth it. But here goes... if there's a way for you to interact with her platonically, say hanging out with a mutual group of friends. You want to let her think that you've lost interest in her, in fact, you already found a new interest. Basically, hit on someone else, right in front of her. This accomplished 2 things. 1) it might.. MIGHT, resurrect her interested, people want things they can't have 2) If your girl doesn't bite, guess what, you have a new interest now, go date the new girl.

 

But you need prep work. If you go in cold and do a hard approach, your target may turn you down right in front of your girl... now that's embarrassing. Prep work is you have to hit on a new girl else where, verify there's interest, then bring her in for a sure thing. So let's say your girl bites and suddenly becomes interested, what happens to the new girl? You can multi date both, or drop the new one. It's mean but hey, that's life.

 

For the record, I do not recommend #3.

[the_dynamo]

I actually was getting a great vib from this turkish girl at the same time I was asking the topic girl out, I thought of asking her out too, but all the exams and my focus on this girl just made me let it go. In retrospect I should have asked her out.

 

 

as for calling this girl, I am going to do it simply cause it will clear my mind of her and it's the easiest way for me to let go, If I totally prove to myself that she is not interested. plus like I said from the start of the thread this case is really fishy, I want to know if it was simply her not being interested or what I have come to think is a problem with access to her phone, things just haven't added up. and I know we have talked about this before.

 

 

fortunately I don't think I will need to deal with this girl if things don't work out, I am going to another school and we don't have common friends, so I won't have to deal with her spreading lies about me.

[Jannah]

so it's a short story, I meet a girl i like and ask her out, she says OK, and asks for my number and stuff.

 

I texted her a little more than two days later and she replies immediately, we exchange a few more texts and I say I got to go somewhere and that we would continue our talks later, and she replies with agreement.

 

two days later I text her and give her a heads up that I want to call her and ask if she is available for a phone call, I get nothing from her. two days later I send her a another text and I have not gotten anything from her yet.

 

I am convinced that this means she is not interested, but it's such a reverse of what I thought was going on that I doubt the reality of what has happened. before I asked this girl out she seemed so interested that I did not doubt that she would have accepted my offer of going out. and the few texts we did exchange in the beginning were all in line with this. what can cause such a sudden change in this girls attitude towards me that she doesn't reply to my text??

 

I contemplate that her phone might have a problem but that has a chance of 1 in 1000 of happening.

so what do you guys think.

 

I am confused by this post. If she asked for your number, how did you text her first? If you had her number in that case, why not just call and ask her out, since you asked her out anyway before she asked/took your number.

[the_dynamo]

I am confused by this post. If she asked for your number, how did you text her first? If you had her number in that case, why not just call and ask her out, since you asked her out anyway before she asked/took your number.

 

she asked me for my number first but I suggested I get her number first and called her number right in front of her for her to have my number.

 

yeah I did ask her out when I got her number, we said we d discuss the details later. I texted her first just to warm things up a bit before actually going out, meant to talk with her on the phone with the first text she ignored to flesh out the place and time we were to go out.

[Jannah]

she asked me for my number first but I suggested I get her number first and called her number right in front of her for her to have my number.

 

yeah I did ask her out when I got her number, we said we d discuss the details later. I texted her first just to warm things up a bit before actually going out, meant to talk with her on the phone with the first text she ignored to flesh out the place and time we were to go out.

 

Oh. It was a "phone number swap call" type of exchange. Got it. Yeah if you asked her out and followed it up by contacting her to schedule it, and she isn't responding, then yeah, I see what you/everyone is saying.

[the_dynamo]

Oh. It was a "phone number swap call" type of exchange. Got it. Yeah if you asked her out and followed it up by contacting her to schedule it, and she isn't responding, then yeah, I see what you/everyone is saying.

so you say call or no call

[fishtaco]

I actually was getting a great vib from this turkish girl at the same time I was asking the topic girl out, I thought of asking her out too, but all the exams and my focus on this girl just made me let it go. In retrospect I should have asked her out.

 

See... now only if you can get over your mental block about multi dating.

 

Anyway, if you want to call her in order to reach closure for yourself, that's cool too. Just don't expect to magically have her resurrect her interest in you by calling her.

[Jannah]

so you say call or no call

 

Personally, I would call and leave a message, just for my own peace of mind.

 

If you don't hear back after that, then fold it up and tuck it in the drawer.

[Seamless74]

cmon man,,,,,,, think about your self respect here a bit,, you gave it a go, tried a couple times man just congratulate yourself for talking to a beautiful girl and move on..

 

Any time your analyzing a particular girl this much its never gonna end up good your goose is already cooked.