baffled by this outcome

[the_dynamo]

so it's a short story, I meet a girl i like and ask her out, she says OK, and asks for my number and stuff.

 

I texted her a little more than two days later and she replies immediately, we exchange a few more texts and I say I got to go somewhere and that we would continue our talks later, and she replies with agreement.

 

two days later I text her and give her a heads up that I want to call her and ask if she is available for a phone call, I get nothing from her. two days later I send her a another text and I have not gotten anything from her yet.

 

I am convinced that this means she is not interested, but it's such a reverse of what I thought was going on that I doubt the reality of what has happened. before I asked this girl out she seemed so interested that I did not doubt that she would have accepted my offer of going out. and the few texts we did exchange in the beginning were all in line with this. what can cause such a sudden change in this girls attitude towards me that she doesn't reply to my text??

 

I contemplate that her phone might have a problem but that has a chance of 1 in 1000 of happening.

so what do you guys think.

Edited December 16, 2010 by the_dynamo

[daphne]

I am convinced that this means she is not interested,

 

So am I. When anyone's really interested in someone else, they don't let multiple communications pass without snapping it up to at least say you're busy or suggest another time.

 

People are fickle. This happens to everyone even when the person seems crazy about you. Sorry but it sucks. That's why it's best not to get too worked up over someone until about the time when there are impending nuptials.

[youngskywalker]

what can cause such a sudden change in this girls attitude towards me that she doesn't reply to my text??

 

It could be any number of things. Look on the bright side though, it's better then going through a month of dating her and then have it happen. The sooner the better IMO and IME.

 

This is a prime example as to why you shouldn't text for dates with a girl you don't know yet. I've learned that the hard way.

[the_dynamo]

I agree with you daphne if someone is really interested they would not let this happen, the only only other explanation that comes to my mind is that she somehow does not have access to her phone now, she was talking about flying somewhere, but i did not ask her when, she could have left her phone, but I doubt it.

 

so I guess I got to delete this girls number soon:(

[the_dynamo]

I am frustrated, I am a really selective dater. I only ask approach girls I actually like and feel that I have a good chance of succeeding with, so it annoys me more when I realize I misjudged the girl i targeted.

 

I don't want to be one of those guys who asks random girls out, it just doesn't feel right and works counter to my personality. but it seems like the only way to avoid disappointment and better my chances.

 

I just gonna take a break from girls for a short while.

[Eddie Edirol]

Dont take a break from girls, you WILL have to keep approaching random girls. If you keep going this way, you will keep taking a break from girls for the rest of your life. I think you are misjudging these womens interest, and youre putting expectations on them too soon because of your idea of selectivity.

Ask more women out, and dont count on anything until they actually show up for a date.

 

I dont know what method you use when getting these girls numbers, but obviously you arent making sure they they like you first. This girl was never interested. if they dont talk to you on the phone, they arent that interested in getting to know you. Make that part of your selective process.

[musemaj11]

When people are interested, you can see their eagerness even if they try not to show it.

[the_dynamo]

Dont take a break from girls, you WILL have to keep approaching random girls. If you keep going this way, you will keep taking a break from girls for the rest of your life. I think you are misjudging these womens interest, and youre putting expectations on them too soon because of your idea of selectivity.

Ask more women out, and dont count on anything until they actually show up for a date.

 

I dont know what method you use when getting these girls numbers, but obviously you arent making sure they they like you first. This girl was never interested. if they dont talk to you on the phone, they arent that interested in getting to know you. Make that part of your selective process.

 

I understand what you say and I have thought of it before, unfortunately when i just ask girls out at random I never really develop an interest in them myself.

 

and no I was certain the girl liked me when i asked for her number, the fact that i have been proven wrong is mind blowing to myself.

[fishtaco]

This is very common. Sorry. Some women play around for fun, even the ones that don't play can change their minds. It is what it is. That's why ideally you never stop getting more numbers, even when you have a date setup and she seems to really like you, you STILL should not pass up any other opportunities. Because no matter how much she appears to likes you, it ultimately doesn't mean anything. Smoke and mirrors, it's part of the game.

 

This will happen again, many times, in your future. And that's a guarantee.

[the_dynamo]

When people are interested, you can see their eagerness even if they try not to show it.

well this girl seemed plenty eager to me.

I am a science major and am a staunch supported of the idea that there is reason and cause/effect relation in everything, even in interpersonal relations.

 

I am sure It would have made complete sense why this girl has behaved this way if I knew all that was involved and what this girl was thinking the whole time, but since I don't it seems illogical and counter to what has happened to this point. I am sure this girl didn't change her mind with out any reason

 

somewhere i was lead astray, whether the girl hided her true feelings or I mistook her actions, it's not important to me, the fact that I misjudged so much is what has me bothered.

[TaraMaiden]

So if I read you right, in a nutshell, it's not so much her and her stuff that bothers you - it's that your scientific, calculating and logical mentality didn't see this one coming....?

Is this correct?

 

Is that your point?

[the_dynamo]

This is very common. Sorry. Some women play around for fun, even the ones that don't play can change their minds. It is what it is. That's why ideally you never stop getting more numbers, even when you have a date setup and she seems to really like you, you STILL should not pass up any other opportunities. Because no matter how much she appears to likes you, it ultimately doesn't mean anything. Smoke and mirrors, it's part of the game.

 

This will happen again, many times, in your future. And that's a guarantee.

I don't think she changed her mind with out reason, no one does!!

but since there is nothing I can do I am just gonna leave it as it is.

 

 

 

I was thinking of calling her but I think that would just damage my pride, I mean what difference does it make, If she is not answering my texts why would she answer my phone call??

[the_dynamo]

So if I read you right, in a nutshell, it's not so much her and her stuff that bothers you - it's that your scientific, calculating and logical mentality didn't see this one coming....?

Is this correct?

 

Is that your point?

well maybe, although preferably in a less self absorbed way:o

 

truth is I am not in love with this girl, I totally see her as a regular girl at this point, she has her faults, but she was cute. but my ego is a little hurt and I was hoping I had developed a skill in understanding people that would have prevented me from chasing something that wasn't there.

[TaraMaiden]

so it's a short story, ......

I contemplate that her phone might have a problem but that has a chance of 1 in 1000 of happening.

 

....the only only other explanation that comes to my mind is that she somehow does not have access to her phone now, she was talking about flying somewhere....

 

I am frustrated, I am a really selective dater. I only ask approach girls I actually like and feel that I have a good chance of succeeding with, so it annoys me more when I realize I misjudged the girl i targeted.

 

I don't want to be one of those guys who asks random girls out, it just doesn't feel right and works counter to my personality.....

 

....unfortunately when i just ask girls out at random .... the fact that i have been proven wrong is mind blowing to myself.

 

.....whether the girl hided her true feelings or I mistook her actions, it's not important to me, the fact that I misjudged so much is what has me bothered.

 

The above snippets seem to demonstrate to me that you view things in a very calculating and clinical manner.

Even if you are romantic (and from what you say, that seems to be missing here) you're calculating and methodical about that as well...

It strikes me that you need to view dating in a less scientific way.

Emotional responses are anything but that.

You need to either relax your approach - or change it.

[TaraMaiden]

...I am not in love with this girl, I totally see her as a regular girl at this point, she has her faults, but she was cute. but my ego is a little hurt and I was hoping I had developed a skill in understanding people that would have prevented me from chasing something that wasn't there.

 

See, even here you sound a little like Mr Spock!

[the_dynamo]

See, even here you sound a little like Mr Spock!

what ever I d rather rely on reason and logic rather than just hoping for the best.

[fishtaco]

Well, dynamo, here's what I think in Mr. Spock language:

 

Women are unpredictable. You have to factor that into your calculations. Nothing is supposed to "make sense". If you try to make sense out of this thing, you'll go crazy. Here's how you're supposed to approach it...

 

1) Use pattern recognition to predict as opposed to "what makes sense", in fact you have to throw "what makes sense" completely out the door.

2) Never trust your evaluation of what the other person is thinking.

3) Take everything at face value, if it hasn't happened, it doesn't count. If it happened, it doesn't mean anything else other than that specific thing happened.

 

Basically, if a girl kissed you on a first date and said she really likes you. What does it mean? It means a girl kissed you on a first date and she said she really likes you. Does she really like you? Maybe, maybe not. Will she kiss you again? Maybe, maybe not. Will she go on a 2nd date with you? Maybe, maybe not.

 

And the only way to calibrate your pattern recognition, and you know this, is to have a lot of data points. So you need experience. Go out and get yourself involved as much as possible. Good, bad, every experience is valuable. After a while, you'll start to see patterns, and you'll be able to make predictions better. And... with better prediction you'll be able to have better Plan B's. Always have Plan B's.

[the_dynamo]

all I know is what I do is logical and makes sense in my own context, I don't change my mind with out reason. I guess other people were the same.

 

I might not be able to understand a girls action, but i am sure what she does makes sense in her own context and mindset.

 

I realize too though that it's nearly impossible to understand another persons mind set completely so what you guys say might in practice be true.

[TaraMaiden]

what ever I d rather rely on reason and logic rather than just hoping for the best.

Reason and logic will not win hearts.

 

You're factoring calculations into matters that cannot be calculated.

 

in Cerebral Matters, Logic and Reason are essential.

in Emotional Matters, they're about as effective as a chocolate fireguard.

[the_dynamo]

Reason and logic will not win hearts.

 

You're factoring calculations into matters that cannot be calculated.

 

in Cerebral Matters, Logic and Reason are essential.

in Emotional Matters, they're about as effective as a chocolate fireguard.

no I think logic and reason can be used to explain emotions and predict them too, the only problem is the practicality of the means to do this.

 

to properly predict someones emotion reaction you have to have a whole bunch of sensors on his head and have a complete knowledge of that persons past experience and how he or she reacted to it. never going to happen in real life but theoretically possilbe.

[fishtaco]

all I know is what I do is logical and makes sense in my own context, I don't change my mind with out reason. I guess other people were the same.

 

I might not be able to understand a girls action, but i am sure what she does makes sense in her own context and mindset.

 

I realize too though that it's nearly impossible to understand another persons mind set completely so what you guys say might in practice be true.

 

Um... people change their minds all the time without reason. If you value common sense and logic, you are in the minority. Did you know some people base their decisions on emotions? And I don't mean matters of the heart, but everyday life stuff... being a logical person, to me that's just insanity. But oh they do it alright. I only know too well, because that's how my mom is.

 

But, back to dating... it is by nature is an emotional activity. Logic doesn't work well in this realm to begin with. So please repeat after me... throw "what makes sense" completely out the door. Nothing, when it comes to dating, will make any sense logically. Like I said, go by pattern recognition, it will serve you much better than logic.

[the_dynamo]

But, back to dating... it is by nature is an emotional activity. Logic doesn't work well in this realm to begin with. So please repeat after me... throw "what makes sense" completely out the door. Nothing, when it comes to dating, will make any sense logically. Like I said, go by pattern recognition, it will serve you much better than logic.

pattern recognition is a form of reasoning!!!

[TaraMaiden]

no I think logic and reason can be used to explain emotions and predict them too, the only problem is the practicality of the means to do this.

 

to properly predict someones emotion reaction you have to have a whole bunch of sensors on his head and have a complete knowledge of that persons past experience and how he or she reacted to it. never going to happen in real life but theoretically possilbe.

 

That's the scientist in you speaking.

And as a Buddhist, I can entirely see where you are coming from, because all emotions are mind-wrought, and ephemeral.

They are intangible.

We all have emotions, but these do not define who we are.

Emotions are the product of several chemical and electrical impulses behaving in certain ways in our brains. (idiotically put.)

 

Minds, are different to Brains.

 

A brain function is eminently testable and can be proven.

A Mind function is eminently unpredictable and cannot be proven, as a constant.

[the_dynamo]

all this talking is making me feel better, but I am not prepared to change who I am just to score a girl. I rather go out with less women in my own way than get a whole lot of girl by forcing my self to act a certain way.

[fishtaco]

pattern recognition is a form of reasoning!!!

 

Of course, I'm scientific minded too. I'm not running on purely emotions either. I need reasoning too. But, I'm telling you it works better than your current method. Because things do NOT make sense in the dating world.

 

At the very least, with pattern recognition you take out the need to ask the questions - What caused this? What is the reason for this? Because these are just patterns that you recognize.