letting_go Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 So we've been dating for a year and a half, but it has been a toxic relationship throughout it. She was my best friend, and we know each other better than anyone does in our lives. We stayed over at each others quite often. Normally on weekends and 1-2 days during the week. She went away over summer, and I went to another country where I used to live. It caused a lot of stress on the relationship and we fought constantly. Well after summer, we both returned home to which thinks were still rocky and had huge ups and downs and some pretty bad fights. This went on and all along we both knew this wouldnt work. I dont get why such a bad relationship can be so addictive? I tried ending it before but would go right back after a day or two and then it'd be the same patterns. Or I'd try no contact and it just wouldn't last because of the difficulty of losing your best friend and lover. 1 month ago I had to leave the country for work for a total of 3 months for a project. The first 2 weeks everything was going really good.... Then it returned to the same sort of pattern. I told her I needed some time to think and didnt talk to her for a week, which is the longest we've gone without talking. I was actually feeling really good and thinking that I'd be ok. She got in contact with me and told me how much I hurt her. Which made me miss her quite a lot. She is someone that doesnt express her feelings easily and it makes it quite hard to communicate. She gets angry when she is hurt and lashes out with anger only So yesterday I sent a message saying that I feel that it's best we go our seperate ways. Reason being is that it isnt a healthy relationship, and sometimes people hold onto something that isnt good. I said if Im not making you happy, and instead your crying and upset that thats not the way things are suppose to be. I told her she needs to focus on her current career that she has going on as she just graduated, and right now Im not a good thing to have in her life. That I still care tremendously but I just dont see this being good and that it will only repeat itself and that we should stop contact. I then wished her the best of luck and that all her dreams came true.... I do believe I can do it this time. But the pain hurts knowing that you will not see or talk to your best friend again. So this is DAY 1 of No Contact.
vandelay Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 You sound like a good guy. Good luck with the NC!
Movingthrough Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I'm NC right now and it is hard. The beauty of mine is I really have nothing else to say. I waited a while for NC and when I finally did it, I was out of words. I have found out lately by studying and being on forums like this that its a lot easier then we make it out to be. If you guys were toxic then thats not good, hands down. So the NC HAS to happen, if not, you will just go in circles. I know its easier said then done but the fact is its actually pretty simple. Dont think of it as you will never speak to her again, think of it as a cleansing period. With me I know I will hear from mine again, but as of now this is how it has to be.
Author letting_go Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 thanks guys for the support. I know it will continue to go in circles and nothing will change unless I change it. It will get easier with time and a month from now I know I wont even think about it. I'll keep you updated. It is hard bc I just got some good news, and I thought. Oh I'll call her, and then realized I cant lol. Luckily we do have these forums to talk to other people to get us through these times and heal.
suddendumpee Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I'm NC right now and it is hard. The beauty of mine is I really have nothing else to say. I waited a while for NC and when I finally did it, I was out of words. I wish I could say this. Instant NC has made it very difficult to feel closure...if there is such a thing.
Author letting_go Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 I wish I could say this. Instant NC has made it very difficult to feel closure...if there is such a thing. The last relationship I had been in was 4 years before this. Although it ended suddenly, and I loved the girl very much. I actually didnt no about no contact at the time but did it and I was fine one month later. Never looked back, and she came back but at that time I knew I was better off. One day the person will be nothing but a distant memory and things will get better. It is hard, because these people are our best friends, the people we are intimate with, and people that we thought would always be in our lives
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