Pining lately

[TheGrimSweeper]

About the Christmas card, I thought about sending one too. I have decided to skip it, she didn't get me anything for my birthday (while we were together, but just before we split) and has been a stone cold b¥%#* so I am not sending anything. If your ex left you, and you haven't heard even one peep from her since you broke up, I suggest you do the same and skip it. She may call you and thank you and it could lead to disaster...

 

I havent said a peep to her, she sent me a message over FB, about a massage place she thought I would like.

 

I dont know, during the breakup she was incredibly nice, and she cried her eyes out when I told her I couldn't be friends. Her parents are getting seperated so she ended it saying she just wanted some time to get over that and she had been super depressed cause she wasnt happy with herself. I stupidly looked at her MSN name last night and it was "Maybe if my heart stops beating it wont hurt this much". (which is a song by paramore). I just know shes waiting for me to do something.

[J0N]

It kinda depends on what you want. If you don't see it working I would stay NC, if she left you once the loneliness feeling wears off she will leave you again. I blocked my ex on FB so if she wants to talk to me she will have to call me. I won't respond to her texts, though she hasn't sent ANYTHING at all.I've been pretty up and down lately, but overall I am still making strides in the right direction. I think

[alwayshoping]

Thats good your feeling better! I wouldn't send a card unless I received one first tbh but each to their own, although it does go against NC so that why I wouldn't send one unless I got one first (in which case I would only do it to be courteous).

[Chi townD]

okay, time to stop pining for your Ex. She's out there living and you're writing in here dying. You need to start getting out there. And I'm not talking about dating, but just enjoying life. Hook up with some friends and go out on the town and meet new people! Connect! Get plugged back in! Yeah, the holidays may be sucking for you, but you know what? You're making it that way for yourself!

 

Here's a little secret, there are more women in the world than there are men! Go out and have a good time, and then you'll start feeling better about yourself. You'll start feeling comfortable around people. Get back some self esteem and confidence!

 

Sorry, little tough love!

[J0N]

I know your right, I have been making an effort to 'live' more and I feel that things are going pretty well, but unfortunately I live by myself presently and sometimes I get a little lonely on quiet nights. I would move but I am stuck in a lease.

[goldenrainbow]

Jon, you are probably not missing the person anymore, but your life with her and the feeling of having someone there.

 

What you probably should try to focus on is to learn how to be alone. At these moments we feel that we will never find anybody else to fill this void. But once you start feeling ok when you are alone, you will start finding some closure.

 

And as for what your sister said, unfortunately she is right, that might have happened, that happened to me once and I just dettached completely from the other person and moved on (it was a short term relationship though)

 

Hang in there, and whenever you start thinking about her, think about the bad moments, not the good ones. I started writing things that my ex made me go through and things he said and whenever I start missing him I look at that piece of paper and it really helps

[J0N]

I think I had an epiphany a little while ago…

 

I am pretty sure the whole “dead to her,” thing is the case. I dated a girl a few years ago for about the same length of time. Maybe 1.5 years or so, we talked about getting married etc. Then when I went off to school, I decided that I wanted to be on my own for a while. I tried explaining it to her that I just wanted to break up and if we were meant to be then we would get back together. Almost immediately I stopped thinking about her, I moved on FAST. The occasional thought about her went through my mind, but it was nothing really meaningful. It wasn’t that she was a bad person or anything; I just didn’t see myself with her anymore. It’s almost like a switch flipped in my mind.

 

The worst part was that she would not take no for an answer. I tried to be nice, but she kept begging and begging me, until I eventually had her phone number blocked because she came to my university and started following me around. I think my present situation is God getting me back for that, I don’t really feel too bad though, because people shouldn’t date others just to avoid hurting them. If you don’t see yourself with someone, you should just end it as gracefully as you can, it’s her/your life and you only get one shot. I think this is what my *current ex did. I just never thought of the whole “dead to her” concept until my sister brought it up. I guess this is one of the main reasons why I let my current ex go without much of a fight. I didn’t want to grovel and make a fool out of myself. I didn’t want our entire relationship to be clouded by my refusal to let go, like it was with my old ex. I also hope that one day, maybe in a few years we can be friends again because she is a really great person. That is one of the only positives about my current situation, I walked away with dignity, and this is the first time I have ever been dumped.

 

I realize that I have a long life ahead of me, and ultimately I am glad that my ex left. It is best for the both of us, because we were fundamentally incompatible. I guess I sort of realized this after a year or so, once the euphoric new couple phase ended. I am more free spirited, and she is more controlled and reserved. We had a lot of fun together, and I have many good memories. I also however have many, bad memories of arguments, sometimes about the dumbest things. Ultimately people have to have similar interests & personalities; you cannot try to change someone or their personality it won’t work. Ever. I was honestly getting really sick of her getting upset with me every time I wanted to be with my friends or play golf (do things I enjoyed). I wasn’t excessive about it either, maybe once a week. Even my friends were beginning to notice that she was a little bit controlling.

 

I am glad that our relationship ended on peaceful terms, and that there was no craziness. Hopefully, this will allow a friendship sometime in the future, if not, that is ok too. Sorry for the novel, I wrote this so the next time I begin to feel down I can read this and re-assure myself that this is ultimately what is best for the both of us. I (now) think that going through a break up like this is an important part of life. Even though we were really attached, more of it may have had to do with *extracurricular activities* than actual love for one another. It is funny because today is exactly 3 months since we broke up, it has taken me 3 months of NC & a roller coaster ride of emotions to really look back at our relationship in a totally rational way and really see it for what it was. It is broken for a reason; I can finally see that now.

[J0N]

I have a question. The day we broke up, I stopped by my ex's place and dropped off all of her stuff. I also dropped off a photo album she gave me about a month after we started dating, she got a nice camera when we first got together so the album was full of pictures of us. She was upset that I left it at her place, and later that day she said that she would hang on to it until I was ready to have it back. Obviously, if she sends it back I am going to throw it away. I do not want it back because I don't want anything around to remind me of her. *I don't want her to think I am being immature (I would still like to re-kindle a friendship in the future if its at all possible), and I am still quite serious about her being completely out of my life at least for the*foreseeable*future *( I guess it is just the way I deal with things like this). I sort of think she will just mail it back without saying anything though. My question is, what should I do IF she emails, texts or calls asking if I want it back? Should I say no, ignore or ...?*

 

I know this is a trivial issue, but I am bored at work and felt like posting.

[J0N]

Not sure what all the * s are for.

[J0N]

Today marks 9 weeks of NC and still going strong. 5 more hours until I am off work for weekend, so bored

 

Things are looking up, I think