J0N Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I do not know what it is but the last few days have really sucked. Maybe it is the reality of really never seeing my ex again setting in. I want to call her and tell her how much she means to me, but I know I can't. I feel stuck, like she is just never going to get out of my head, and I am long since out of hers. I just can't seem to get a grip on her just walking a way, best part is, since she broke up with me over texts she showed absolutely NO emotion. We were REALLY close for almost two years, and definitely planned a future together. I want to meet new girls but I know I am not nearly over my ex and I don't want to drag anyone else into the picture. Plus now that I just graduated from college most of my friends have been scattered all over the country, so I really don't know many people, and I feel lonely. I would consider moving somewhere new but I have a great job here, that I worked my a$$ off to get. I know this sounds stupid but I really miss the feeling of someone giving a $h!t about me.
swfc_77 Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 she's not going to get out of your head for a while, you just have to try and live with it thats how i do it, it still hurts and i still question and over-think. but i just tell my self to get on with stuff. being dumped over tx or the phone (like i was) really takes the pi55, especially as she was sat in the pub with her friend. lol. the word coward springs to mind. my mates haven't moved away but they have kids/mortgages and their own lives to live, so i dont see them much. you have a good job, money coming in use these positives and turn this into an opportunity to move forward.
Author J0N Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 I know, just sick of every little thing reminding me of her and constantly getting that sinking feeling. I have noticed that it's usually the worst on Sundays and early in the week. I am trying to focus my energy elsewhere but this is extremely difficult. I sometimes think that I may never get over her.
tobydog Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Jon, my stbx just left and abandoned us 3 months ago. It was like a sledge hammer to us both, me and my 4 yo son. He has not once asked about us or shown any concern or care. Just gone to his other W. 2 months ago I was a total mess and could not even begin to think about Christmas etc. I am getting better and stronger and have now decorated the house and gone out and done things with my boy. It does get better.....Cliche but time does heal and I never would have thought that 3 months ago...... Take care Dx
Author J0N Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 See the thing that I don't understand is that it already has been a couple of months, some days are really good and some really suck. Christmas and the holidays are a $h!tty time to be newly single.
Author J0N Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 See the thing that I don't understand is that it already has been a couple of months, some days are really good and some really suck. Christmas and the holidays are a $h!tty time to be newly single.
dng Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Consider yourself lucky she's not contacting you, not dragging you along, not stringing you along, feeding you hope while living life like a single person. You can't assume anything about her emotions. Breakups are hard on everybody, especially if the relationship was good for both. Take comfort in yourself, in the fact you are being strong and NC. Keep it up brother.
starryeyed12 Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I'm right there with you, J0N. It's so hard today! Today beats my longest ever recorded NC, but I am finding as the day wears on that I want to see him very, very badly! I can't get him out of my head! Ugh, there must be something going around.... But think of all the advice you have given me, and just remember that you can't give in. It's not worth it for the temporary relief. You will be kicking yourself if you cave, and chances are you would only be doing it out of loneliness, not real love for your ex. You have come a long way!
Author J0N Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 Starry, you are absolutely right. The worst thing about all of this is that I know exactly what I have to do. Which is NC, meet new people, stay away from _____. Today marks 8 weeks since we broke up and NC. I'm getting there and I won't dare call it just gets tough at times. Which is why I just post here instead, today is looking to be a pretty decent day, but I'm sure there will be more pining in the days to come. I had a weird dream last night where we bumped into each other and she said she was having second thoughts and I politely just said no, I have moved on. Maybe this is a sign of progress maybe not. I am still a bit worried about the holidays and nye but I am sure everything will be fine.
Author J0N Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 I was talking to my sister last night about my whole ordeal and something she said really struck me. She said that at some point my ex likely "flipped a switch in her mind" once this happens they do whatever it takes to end the relationship as soon as possible. My sister also said since it's been 8 weeks of NC, that I am more or less dead to her (ex) now. She doesn't care anymore and has moved on. Of course my sister wasn't trying to hurt my feelings but rather just tell it to me like it is. She said everytime she has ever dumped somebody this is usually how it happened. Regardless this made me feel stupid for wasting two years and putting all the effort I did into my relationship, I feel like I was just used.
oxfordsocks Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Its got to be the season--i have seen a lot of posts--about the "last two days for everyone" I wish i was a bear and could hibernate from now till January 2-2011 Good Luck and try your best is all i can say
Author J0N Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 I wish I was a bear too, a long nap would be nice. The holidays are a tough time for all newly single people, especially if they didn't want to end their relationship. Every d@mn Christmas carrol is about people being close to their loved ones. I guess being around happy couples also makes it difficult, especially when you were part of a "power couple" previously. It really is a $h!tty feeling to think that I am dead to my ex and she really has moved on so quickly. Worst part was that I bought her a Tiffany necklace for Xmas a while ago, I went to return it and I told the lady why. It was a really low point. I was really excited about giving it to her too, and how happy she would have been.
oxfordsocks Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Jon, you sound young and thoughtful. A tiffany bracelet --wow- very nice--think of the money back in your pocket for YOU now. yes the xmas carols are all icky--shows all lovey dovey--one day you will be one of those people soaking up the songs with someone and getting the biggest smile from a girl who opens a lovely jewellery gift from you in the future. I smile from someone who wouldn't ever consider sending a text with any bad news . I will think of you and send positive vibes your way.
Author J0N Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Oh yes, I "re-invested" that money in a new TV. And yes, hopefully I will have somebody to spend Christmas with who is actually worth it. Btw I wasn't trying to sound like a snob with the Tiffany thing, I had been setting aside $$ for a while to buy that for her. O well, it's her loss and my gain. Now I can watch the Patriots win the Super Bowl on my new tv.
tobydog Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 Jon, Yes I know what you mean. I thought I was getting better and stronger, then we broke up from school today and I feel low again. I miss him, after all we were together 14 years and I miss the general chit chat. But he does not care about us at all so I have to get angry over that, I mean deserting his son. It's just the most difficult thing I have ever been through but we all will see the light and come through this. I have lots planned for me and Matt next week but am dreading the day itself! Take care, tomorrow will be a bit better Debbiex
Author J0N Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Yea I imagine next week will be a roller coaster, I am going to try and prepare myself as best I can for it. It's funny, this is the first time in my life I have not looked forward to the holidays. Btw Happy Holidays everyone, even though they will suck for most of us.
Sonolumino Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 J0N, I too had been saving money for a great Christmas present for her, and now I have a bunch of extra money to spend on something I really need. Things don't work out with that sometimes. What keeps me going is that at least we know we're alive. Someone came into our lives and made us feel real love and real loss. To deny the bad feelings at the other end of the spectrum means you have to deny the good ones too. I'm certainly not "happy" about being broken up with or about feeling pain, but it does remind me that what we had was real, and that when it passes I'll have learned how to deal with loss the proper way. By "proper" I mean without going and having rebound sex or a rebound relationship. I think that people that go and do those things take away and cheapen their experience with this loss. In short, feeling happy and content all the time isn't going to help you grow as a person, so take some solace in that. Good luck with the rest of your healing and Merry Christmas.
Author J0N Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I think your absolutely right, at bare minimum I want to learn from this experience. So I become stronger and wiser as a person. There are things I would have done differently but I know and accept that there is nothing I can do to change them now. I think people who go out and sleep around (rebound) are only hurting themselves, I want to get married, and stay married someday. So in some ways, this is a learning experience.
Author J0N Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 So last night, one of my best friends came into town and also very close friend of my ex as well. I was a little worried that a long (drunken) convo about my ex would ensue. I actually feel really good, everything was totally normal and my ex never came up in conversation. I tried as hard as I could (and I succeeded) in just acting totally normal. Even though I got that sinking feeling in my stomach from time to time, I kept a straight face. The reason this is so important is because her and my ex talk almost everyday, if hanging out with me comes up she won't say that "oh he is still a mess". Also I realized that my ex really is no longer a meaningful part of my life, I know I can do this. Even though it's hard, I am absolutely comitted to moving forward with my life and leaving my ex in the past. I'm am almost positive there will be more pining in the future, so there will probably be more sad posts here. But you guys at LS have been extremely helpful in my moving on and coping process. Thanks again guys!
starryeyed12 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Hey J0N, I'm glad to see that you are doing better today. I think it's pretty normal that you've been down lately. As cliche as it seems, the holidays really are a tough time of the year to be alone. Those who are together sometimes don't even realize how lucky they are to be sharing them with someone special. When we finally get our lives straightened out, I think thats one thing we should remember to take with us. From the sounds of it, you have been doing great with your progress. Keep your chin up! You never know what the new year has in store for you.
Author J0N Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 Well, overall this weekend was ok. It's the first weekend that Sunday hasn't been a major pining day. This NC thing really works! I know I am in for a wild week, but I think I will burn through it. I keep thinking about NYE and I literally dreading it. I have also decided that I am going to use this thread as a sort of breakup log. So if this ever happens to me again I can look back at this and know how I felt at each stage. I hope everyone has a great week and a Christmas not clouded by thughts of our ex's.
Author J0N Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 !?$&@ I miss her so much. Sometimes I feel like this is all all a charade. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I am trying as hard as l can, maybe I can help others by helping myself. I just want to let her know how I feel, but I won't break NC.
TheGrimSweeper Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 !?$&@ I miss her so much. Sometimes I feel like this is all all a charade. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I am trying as hard as l can, maybe I can help others by helping myself. I just want to let her know how I feel, but I won't break NC. Im in the same boat dude. been almost 4 weeks NC, and Im debating sending her a christmas card with a letter inside it, its been 4 weeks of NC since the night she ended it, I havent said a word. I dont know why, I just keep getting the feeling shes waiting for me to make the move, it was a confusing breakup, the whole "i love you, will always love you and know ill never meet anyone like u again, but its just not the right time for a relationship". she wanted to just stay friends for now but i said no and told her when shes ready to come talk to me and if i don't talk to her have a good Christmas and left.
Author J0N Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 I guess I feel/wish like this whole thing is just a bluff. I feel like me and my ex are just having a sort of p!$$!ng match. I feel like she really wants to re-kindle things but doesnt want to be the one to cave first. I am pretty sure this is only wishful thinking because its been 3 months of absolute NC, she hasnt tested the fence at all. Another thing is that she is moving away after she finishes grad school, so the odds of our relationship working out are quite slim anyways. I know this is just wishful thinking, but sometimes I really feel like this might actually be the case. I guess the hardest thing for me to grasp is the fact that we were so close for two years and then one day *poof* shes gone. It was a sort of mutual breakup, but I consider it a dumping because I asked her "what should we do" and she said "I think we should go our seperate ways." I am really getting tired of being alone all the time, it is so boring. Last night I watched ELF with my family (usually do it every year, and all of my siblings have their significant others there and I was alone) I guess thats the reason for that post last night. I know that our realationship would have probably shaken itself to pieces at somepoint. Especially since she was moving away, I just never thought that this girl had it in her to be this stone cold. I am now dead to her, its just hard to grasp I guess. I knew this week was going to suck, sorry for the rant.
Author J0N Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 About the Christmas card, I thought about sending one too. I have decided to skip it, she didn't get me anything for my birthday (while we were together, but just before we split) and has been a stone cold b¥%#* so I am not sending anything. If your ex left you, and you haven't heard even one peep from her since you broke up, I suggest you do the same and skip it. She may call you and thank you and it could lead to disaster...
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