DontWorryBHappy Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 (edited) Would you be ok with your boyfriend or girlfriend seeing a movie with someone of the opposite sex? Reason I ask is because I've heard some say absolutely no way, that sounds like a date. And i've also heard others say sure, that's ok. So I'm wondering what the general opinion would be here. Also, regardless of whether you think a movie (or dinner?) with someone of the opposite sex is ok, what about other one-on-one things like bowling, mini golf, playing pool, walking through the mall, or whatnot. One guy told me that him and his girlfriend dont hang out with anyone of the opposite sex one-on-one AT ALL. And others have said that only certain activities should be excluded when hanging out one-on-one. What do you think? Edited December 15, 2010 by DontWorryBHappy
Feelin Frisky Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Sure, if it were her brother. Other than that uh-uh. No brainer.
make me believe Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Nope. That would not be ok for me. I don't think that people who are in relationships need to be "friends" with people of the opposite sex, though. Acquaintances, sure. But not to the point where you're hanging out one-on-one, talking on the phone/texting, etc. That's just asking for trouble IMO.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 So for example, if I have a guy friend that I played pool with before I met my boyfriend, does this mean that it wouldnt be ok for me to play pool with that friend again (if it were just me and the friend?)
denise_xo Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Yes, I'm fine with it and I need compatibility in a partner on those issues. 'Date' is determined by feelings and intent, not by nature of activity (bar, of course, flirting or physical intimacy).
denise_xo Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 So for example, if I have a guy friend that I played pool with before I met my boyfriend, does this mean that it wouldnt be ok for me to play pool with that friend again (if it were just me and the friend?) It's OK IMO. But I suspect that's a minority view here on LS.
sweetjasmine Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I'd be okay with it, unless I had asked to come along, and he had said, "No, you can't."
Sarah1977 Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I wouldn't care. And if my guy cared and demanded that I not do it, I'd drop him. I'm sorry, but I will not be treated like a criminal when I've done nothing wrong. I'm a honorable person and I believe I've earned a little bit of trust.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 All the women I know would never go to the movies with another guy alone. Problem with your story is it could be completely innocent. BUT, on the other hand it could be a guy that she's looking to start dating if she's pulling away from you. So if you notice that she wants to spend less time with you, thats the guy who she will be spending your time with. You better evaluate your relationship now. If she wanted to see the movie and you said no, thats strike one against you.
BlueRidgeMTs Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 So for example, if I have a guy friend that I played pool with before I met my boyfriend, does this mean that it wouldnt be ok for me to play pool with that friend again (if it were just me and the friend?) No, it wouldnt. When you decide to get into a relationship, there are some things that change that you have to accept. If you dont want to accept them, then dont enter into a relationship. How about still playing pool with the friend, BUT do it within a group setting, instead of alone. I have hung out with male friends too when I was single. But, when either THEY had girlfriends, or I had boyfriends, we did not do that out of respect for our significant others. It just doesnt look right, and will probably make your SO feel weird, which is understandable. Of course, if your SO does not care, then thats up to you guys.
AlektraClementine Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 In your example with the pool guy, I say the question is better asked of your boyfriend. If he's not down with it, don't do it. If he is, go right ahead. If the two of you fundamentally differ on matters of Opposite Sex friends, you are ill suited and IMO destined to fail.
yah Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 How much do I know her? I'd find it odd but I think I could be OK with it. SO goes out with a close female friend as lunch buddies but I don't care. I trust those 2.
EasyHeart Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I think a lot depends on the context, how long you've dated, how long your partner has known the other person, whether you know the other person, etc. My general rule is "Would I have a problem with it if the other person was the same gender as my SO?" A movie wouldn't bother me (assuming there was some reason I wasn't going); meeting for an expensive dinner would.
Knittress Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 My ex had a weekly comic-shop date with one of his friends. It didn't bother me any - I didn't want to go and I wanted him to have a social life. But then again, guess who he left me for... But still, I probably wouldn't mind if a guy wanted company for an activity I had no interest in, as long as I didn't feel excluded or like it was threatening the relationship. But I do happen to agree with some of the other posters who say it's 'asking for trouble' - IF the guy is immature and cannot be trusted to honor his committments and put the relationship first if things start getting a little 'weird' with the friend. But really, that's not my problem. I choose to trust.
Knittress Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 There are a lot of people who do think themselves mature minded and committed... and yet suddenly end up in a relationship with someone else. I believe the fact is if you find the person attractive to begin with, and you start nurturing that relationship (movies, dinner, long talks, etc) then a connection will inevitably develop. The next thing you know, this friend has an amazing connection that your SO doesn't have, and someone is getting hurt. I am not saying everyone is like that, but it happens frequently enough. Yeah, people are built to fall in love with each other and there are plenty of non-awesome things about monogamy. Also, it's really easy to mistake the easy connection with someone you haven't spent years fighting with over the household chores as somehow 'superior' in its unconflicted newness. Peeps who don't get that, ARE totally immature IMO. I know it happens. A lot. It annoys me. But I don't think I ought to have to be the thought police, yanno? It would make me be someone I wouldn't like. But maybe I'm just a fool... obviously.
zengirl Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I think it's fine as long as it's someone you'd also invite along to group things with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Heck, one of my roommates is male, as are plenty of my friends, though not the majority. I've no attraction to any of them. My boyfriend is never unwelcome at anything I go to, so if I'm grabbing a movie with another friend -- male or female -- it's because my fella wasn't free or didn't want to see that movie or something.
make me believe Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 No, it wouldnt. When you decide to get into a relationship, there are some things that change that you have to accept. If you dont want to accept them, then dont enter into a relationship. How about still playing pool with the friend, BUT do it within a group setting, instead of alone. I have hung out with male friends too when I was single. But, when either THEY had girlfriends, or I had boyfriends, we did not do that out of respect for our significant others. It just doesnt look right, and will probably make your SO feel weird, which is understandable. Of course, if your SO does not care, then thats up to you guys. I agree! Not everything gets to stay the same when you enter into a relationship, and IMO dropping the one-on-one time with opposite sex friends is something that needs to change. Hanging out with them in a group setting is much more appropriate, especially if your SO is also there.
Seamless74 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 totally and completely unacceptable.. that whole male female platonic friendship stuff is bull****... only exception to the rule is if the guy friend is gay...
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