anton Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 My wife and I are in the middle of a divorce and we have a six month old baby boy. Nothing really bad happened, it's just we don't get along, we are too different, and we really only got married because she got pregnant. I think we'll share custody but he'll live with her. I still want to be a huge part in my sons life though. The problem is we moved to be closer to her family and I haven't been able to find any kind of job. And the only person I really know around these parts is her. So going forward, I'm most likely going to take a job thousands of miles away or a job where I travel often. That's what seems to be in the cards right now. Not ideal, but sometimes it's the way things unfortunately work out I guess. I've tried to find work here but to no avail. There just aren't any jobs and the only jobs that are open seem to pay minimum wage. What I worry about is visiting my son and if he'll remember me and if I'll play an important part in his life. If I'm forced to move thousands of miles away for a job, I'd have no problem flying back here, staying in a nice hotel, and seeing my son all weekend. I'm just not sure how it works. And I'd love to say I'd get to see him every weekend, but unless I lived a 4-8 hour drive away, I'm not sure I'd be able to afford 200-300 buck plane tickets every week plus hotel on top of child support. Has anybody been in this situation before? Did you see your child every other weekend, once a month, extended weeks once in a while? And how did you work it out so your child could see his other grandparents? And I think my soon to be ex and I will work things out, but she can be a b&&h and a control freak.
AlektraClementine Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I was in your situation. But as the wife. We worked out an amicable custody arrangement w/o lawyers. Some people will advise against that, but in our case it worked great. We, like you, didn't despise each other. We were just a bad fit. 10 years later, we still abide by the same custody arrangement and things still work beautifully. I wish my ex could talk to you but I'll speak for him the best I can. Don't move. Keep trying to find a job where you are. He sees his kids several times per week and plays an active role in all matters school, discipline, growing pains, holidays, etc. Being a father is soooo important. I can't stress that enough. And your ex being able to rely on a constant male role model (despite living in different houses) is almost as important. Is there anyway to make this work for you?
fooled once Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Great post. I also would encourage you not to move too far. The further you are, the less likely you will have much impact on his life. Talk to a lawyer. If only to get it on paper that you want to be included in decision making. I had sole custody, and for me and my ex, that was for the best. My H had joint custody, with his ex having physical custody and he having visitation (e/o/w and one night a week). Even with that, he feels he missed out on a lot, and he did because he wasn't very proactive and his ex didn't keep him informed of things. Good luck!
2010_Sorry Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I agree to not move too far away. Not only will you be less of an impact in his life, but you will also miss out on the wonderful things of parenthood... sports, band/choir concerts, school functions, etc. Missing out on those will be incredibly tough on you, let alone him.
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