shamone222 Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Hi, Need advice here. Im absulutly gutted and heartbroken. Iv done a terrible thing that may not be fixable. My girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years (she broke it off with me before for 4 months then she came back to me). What I did this time was I kissed another girl one drunken night, then tried to hide it and hoped she wouldn’t find out. It was a terrible thing to do and have regretted it ever since. She found out a month later. She went mad at me and broke it off for cheating and lying about it, not being honest with her and not telling her. I was very upset with myself. But then she forgave me after a long chat, it didn’t mean we were back together it just meant she wanted to play it slow and try rebuild trust again. We decided we would see eachother once during the week and hang out, slowly start rebuilding trust. She said it would take a while but she said that she loves me and wont be giving up hope on us, and said that she thinks we are right for eachother but it will just take time to get over and trust me again. I accepted. She said to me if I ever speak to that girl again she wont talk to me again so I said yes I will never speak to that girl again. (Girl was a friend of a friend) Then one night of the weekend I went out clubbing with a few mates. It was a very small nightclub and I seen the girl I kissed in the club. She came up to me and said ‘’no hard feelings’’ but then I said listen I cant be talking to you, nothing personal just something I have to do. She said it was fine and we ignored eachother for the nite. But then after the club my roommate invited a lot of people back to our house, when I arrived in the house the girl I kissed was there with her friend, I was a bit angry but I didnt kick her out because I cant do that to people. I stayed clear from her for the rest of the night. Then my ex found out the next day she was in MY house. This is when she lost it, sent me lots of threatening texts, said she doesn’t think she can ever trust me again and to leave her alone while she moves on and tries to get over this. I am devisted with myself, I was making up excuses for it which I shouldn’t have cus there Is no excuses. I lied to her and broke a promise… A week of no contact went by and I sent her an email to ask her how she is doing etc.. she was raging that I should not be emailing her or texting her and that she is still extremely angry with me and still doesn’t know if she can ever forgive me. Rightly so iv done a terrible thing that I truly believe I will never do it again because she was my best friend before we dated and my first love. Now since that email im almost 2 weeks into no contact and have been very tempted to email her and tell her how sorry I am and all that but have resisted because I know she needs time and space to heal. I love this girl with the bottom of my heart and wouldn’t ever dream of cheating on her, it was a drunken mistake that will never happen again! I would never lie to her again or break a promise. yes I thought I would get away with it but I learned from this experience that its best to be truthfull. Question is will she ever forgive me? Is there any chance of starting again to rebuild trust and how do I come of aproaching this?? When would be the right time to meet up and should I send her a christmas card of some sort to show her I care?? I have learned from my terrible mistakes and I really want to show her I can change my ways. I believe deep down she can forgive me but she isn’t in the right frame of mind to even think about it yet. We share the same friends and we always have so she knows me very well. I need some good advice. I got advice saying – give her the space, if she loves you she will forgive you in time. Any other advice besides this or has anybody had this experience before?? Thanks.
PegNosePete Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 (edited) I love this girl with the bottom of my heart and wouldn’t ever dream of cheating on her You have proven that this is not true. You did cheat on her. So cut the bleeding heart routine, we can see right through it. it was a drunken mistake Drunken is irrelevant. In fact in a lot of ways that makes it worse. When you consume alcohol it removes your inhibitions, so you are more likely to do what you really want to do (kiss other girls), rather than what is expected of you in social situations (being faithful). As for "mistake", no it wasn't, it was a choice you made. A mistake would be if you tripped up and your lips landed on top of hers. You deliberately chose to be unfaithful - this is not a mistake, it is a choice. I was a bit angry but I didnt kick her out because I cant do that to people But you can be unfaithful to your long-term girlfriend? Come on give me a break, stop it with the high and mighty thing. If you were truly prepared to do anything to restore your GF's trust then you would have asked this OW to leave. Or if you couldn't do that because your roomie had invited her, then you get out yourself. You don't have to be the sharpest stick in the book to figure out that your GF would be pretty pissed at you for being at a party in your house together. Her reaction is absolutely normal. You have broken the conditions of reconciliation that she established. Question is will she ever forgive me? Is there any chance of starting again to rebuild trust and how do I come of aproaching this?? When would be the right time to meet up and should I send her a christmas card of some sort to show her I care?? No don't do any of that shiznit. She has made it very clear to you that she is not interested in hearing from you, so respect that decision and leave her alone. If she ever wants to give you another chance then she will, but don't try to force her to do it, and don't hold your breath. Edited December 15, 2010 by PegNosePete
Author shamone222 Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 thanks pete, you seem like a really nice guy, cheers....
Author shamone222 Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 Forgot to say the time i kissed the girl me and my ex where going through an emotional time, a rough patch as you would say. we were on a break at the time but where working though our problems. sorry i forgot to add that in.
PegNosePete Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 we were on a break at the time but where working though our problems. sorry i forgot to add that in. Huh, what? So do you consider what you did to be cheating or not? You obviously do, otherwise you wouldn't have hidden it or lied about it. And she obviously considered it cheating too, otherwise she wouldn't be upset, or feel the need to "forgive" you. So it changes nothing whatsoever. You're just trying desperately to justify your actions.
Author shamone222 Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 ah c'mon pete, im looking for some friendly advice here, not a lecture!
PegNosePete Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 My friendly advice is to move on, learn from your experiences, find someone new, and not cheat on her
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