He wants to break it off b/c of money issues and worrying to much

December 15, 2010

I'm so upset at the moment it's hard for me to type.

My long distance boyfriend of almost a year called me tonight and suggested that it would be best to break off this relationship for now, because he's really tight on money and unsure about his financial future and it's hard for him to worry about seeing me and how i'm holding up so far away.

All his reasons are reasonable and i understand; i have low funds as well....but thinking of him and seeing him on thanksgiving holiday was one of the reasons im able to get thru this relationship......

He's my first sexual relationship as well, and I have strong attachment to him because of that.

I feel sick. I don't know how or if im going to get thru this. He was my motivation for doing so much and changed my life for the better. God Im so upset.

December 15, 2010

I'm so upset at the moment it's hard for me to type.

My long distance boyfriend of almost a year called me tonight and suggested that it would be best to break off this relationship for now, because he's really tight on money and unsure about his financial future and it's hard for him to worry about seeing me and how i'm holding up so far away.

All his reasons are reasonable and i understand; i have low funds as well....but thinking of him and seeing him on thanksgiving holiday was one of the reasons im able to get thru this relationship......

He's my first sexual relationship as well, and I have strong attachment to him because of that.

I feel sick. I don't know how or if im going to get thru this. He was my motivation for doing so much and changed my life for the better. God Im so upset.

Oh LB my heart just aches for you

This post is so heartbreaking and what a terrible thing to go through right before Christmas. I am so very sorry for your loss.

December 15, 2010

thanks hoping2heal.

This is a blow because on Thanksgiving break we had such a good time, and we were so happy to see each other.

He called me tonight and mentioned something i had said during Thanksgiving break. I had expressed that I was frustrated that we would not be able to sleep together while visiting my parents. I guess he took that to mean I was only interested in the relationship for sex (completely not true....he was the one who had to warm me up to the idea.). I explained to him that this was not true, and sometimes I can get a little rebellious around my parents when i see them because of some of the different opinions we have.

Tonight, he said that me saying I was upset that we could not have sex that night "disturbed" him. I don't understand why.

I have mild clinical depression and I've just slid right back into that dark hole that I thought I had crawled out of.

After talking about what had "disturbed" him, he then went into what I mentioned previously.

Again, I know his reasons are reasonable. the pain though, is just beyond what I can handle right now.

Im willing to give him his space.....but I'm hanging on that one sentence he said, "we'll see what happens"......I am the kind of person who will cling to hope even if it's unreasonable. Im afraid that I will hang onto this until I get back to California and find out that it won't work.

I'm just a wreck right now. I already threw up all my dinner, and Im shaking and crying. It doesn't help that I already suffer from anxiety. I just dont know what to do, he was my comfort, and now I have none. I even bought him a Christmas present this week, and now I have no one to give it to. It's most likely I will not be seeing him over Christmas like originally planned.

December 15, 2010

thanks hoping2heal.

This is a blow because on Thanksgiving break we had such a good time, and we were so happy to see each other.

He called me tonight and mentioned something i had said during Thanksgiving break. I had expressed that I was frustrated that we would not be able to sleep together while visiting my parents. I guess he took that to mean I was only interested in the relationship for sex (completely not true....he was the one who had to warm me up to the idea.). I explained to him that this was not true, and sometimes I can get a little rebellious around my parents when i see them because of some of the different opinions we have.

Tonight, he said that me saying I was upset that we could not have sex that night "disturbed" him. I don't understand why.

I have mild clinical depression and I've just slid right back into that dark hole that I thought I had crawled out of.

After talking about what had "disturbed" him, he then went into what I mentioned previously.

Again, I know his reasons are reasonable. the pain though, is just beyond what I can handle right now.

Im willing to give him his space.....but I'm hanging on that one sentence he said, "we'll see what happens"......I am the kind of person who will cling to hope even if it's unreasonable. Im afraid that I will hang onto this until I get back to California and find out that it won't work.

I'm just a wreck right now. I already threw up all my dinner, and Im shaking and crying. It doesn't help that I already suffer from anxiety. I just dont know what to do, he was my comfort, and now I have none. I even bought him a Christmas present this week, and now I have no one to give it to. It's most likely I will not be seeing him over Christmas like originally planned.

Did he mention why what you said what you did was disturbing too him?

You mention that he was your comfort and you suffer from anxiety, mild clinical depression, etc.

Is it possible he was feeling like you require a lot of "care" ?

December 15, 2010

Did he mention why what you said what you did was disturbing too him?

You mention that he was your comfort and you suffer from anxiety, mild clinical depression, etc.

Is it possible he was feeling like you require a lot of "care" ?

No, he did't give an explanation.

I don't think so.....I didn't try to give him the feeling that I needed him every second in my life.....i mean I did send him an email a few months ago asking if we could communicate more in this relationship, which he did, but I didn't dump my problems on him, and I did my very best not to seem clingy.

December 15, 2010

"I had expressed that I was frustrated that we would not be able to sleep together while visiting my parents. I guess he took that to mean I was only interested in the relationship for sex"

I've always found that if you're very quiet and up pretty late in the evening, this is never truly an impossibility.

I digress.

Money in relationships can be a make or break. The way it sounds, though, is that there are other things going on in his mind aside from money. You bought him a Christmas present. Send it to him. It'll make his day better.

As for what to do, only time can tell. If money is the problem in seeing one another, perhaps talk to him and recognize it as a necessary sacrifice that LDR couples must face.

What type of communication do you two use?

December 15, 2010

"I had expressed that I was frustrated that we would not be able to sleep together while visiting my parents. I guess he took that to mean I was only interested in the relationship for sex"

I've always found that if you're very quiet and up pretty late in the evening, this is never truly an impossibility.

I digress.

Money in relationships can be a make or break. The way it sounds, though, is that there are other things going on in his mind aside from money. You bought him a Christmas present. Send it to him. It'll make his day better.

As for what to do, only time can tell. If money is the problem in seeing one another, perhaps talk to him and recognize it as a necessary sacrifice that LDR couples must face.

What type of communication do you two use?

When I moved from California to Tennessee, we were texting, calling, and If we were playing World of Warcraft at the same time, we’d talk there. Previously, when I lived in CA, it was the same, but I was able to see him about once every other weekend.

His job is difficult and he works very long hours, sometimes 12 or more. I understand this, and even though I did ask for a little more communication in this relationship, I understand that some times he cannot talk to me and I told him this.

When he called me, first he wanted assurance that sex was not the most important aspect of a relationship, because “what you said in the car after Thanksgiving disturbed me”: which was that I was frustrated that we couldn’t sleep together at my parents house (they would not allow us to be in the same room in their house. We’re both 21.) Apparently he took it to mean I was only focused on the sexual aspect. While I may have a high sex drive, that is NOT the most important aspect and I have told him this before. Sex for me was a bonding experience for me with him and I loved it, but I was not some kind of sex fiend.

He then went on to say that his car was going to need expensive maintenance, so he would not be able to drive long ways to come see me anymore. He also said that he was running out of money to pay for his car, gas, rent, and couldn’t afford to pay for a nice dinner much less a hotel room if I came to see him. He’s a guy who likes to pay for things for me, and says it’s a “pride” thing. He also wants to go to school next year, and is trying to save money for that.

He said “I think it would be best if we broke it off for now, and see what happens later”. I said “when I come back to California in 5 months, do you think we can pick it up again?” and again he just said “we’ll see.” Before I hung up, he said “you have my phone number, ok?”

I’m heartbroken. I understand his reasonings, but I thought we could get through this together. I’m doing this far away internship to get a more stable resume, so I can hold a more stable job with higher pay, and he’s doing likewise. He said at the beginning of the relationship that “you are my strength and my drive” and I felt likewise, we both loved each other, I thought that by being together we would be able to get through the tough times. I want more than anything to get back together with him when I move back to California. Right now, I just don’t know if I should initiate NC or what. Now that I’m looking at what I’m writing, I don’t feel that he actually broke up with me because of ME per say, and perhaps this isn’t permanent…..I hope more than anything.

I don’t know if I should send him his Christmas present because it’s a chain with a pendant that resembled some of the graphic art he does, and might be too personal.

December 15, 2010

When I moved from California to Tennessee, we were texting, calling, and If we were playing World of Warcraft at the same time, we’d talk there. Previously, when I lived in CA, it was the same, but I was able to see him about once every other weekend.

His job is difficult and he works very long hours, sometimes 12 or more. I understand this, and even though I did ask for a little more communication in this relationship, I understand that some times he cannot talk to me and I told him this.

When he called me, first he wanted assurance that sex was not the most important aspect of a relationship, because “what you said in the car after Thanksgiving disturbed me”: which was that I was frustrated that we couldn’t sleep together at my parents house (they would not allow us to be in the same room in their house. We’re both 21.) Apparently he took it to mean I was only focused on the sexual aspect. While I may have a high sex drive, that is NOT the most important aspect and I have told him this before. Sex for me was a bonding experience for me with him and I loved it, but I was not some kind of sex fiend.

He then went on to say that his car was going to need expensive maintenance, so he would not be able to drive long ways to come see me anymore. He also said that he was running out of money to pay for his car, gas, rent, and couldn’t afford to pay for a nice dinner much less a hotel room if I came to see him. He’s a guy who likes to pay for things for me, and says it’s a “pride” thing. He also wants to go to school next year, and is trying to save money for that.

He said “I think it would be best if we broke it off for now, and see what happens later”. I said “when I come back to California in 5 months, do you think we can pick it up again?” and again he just said “we’ll see.” Before I hung up, he said “you have my phone number, ok?”

I’m heartbroken. I understand his reasonings, but I thought we could get through this together. I’m doing this far away internship to get a more stable resume, so I can hold a more stable job with higher pay, and he’s doing likewise. He said at the beginning of the relationship that “you are my strength and my drive” and I felt likewise, we both loved each other, I thought that by being together we would be able to get through the tough times. I want more than anything to get back together with him when I move back to California. Right now, I just don’t know if I should initiate NC or what. Now that I’m looking at what I’m writing, I don’t feel that he actually broke up with me because of ME per say, and perhaps this isn’t permanent…..I hope more than anything.

I don’t know if I should send him his Christmas present because it’s a chain with a pendant that resembled some of the graphic art he does, and might be too personal.

Relationships do come up against obstacles and they must either overcome or fall apart. It is really hard to learn yours just does not have what it takes to overcome but it's part of the learning experience. I too think there was more on his mind than money but who knows? If it can't withstand this OP there is much worse out there and this guy wouldn't be fit for the long haul.

Sometimes we say things we think we mean. We think we are up for obstacles and challenges in our relationship but if when they come about we can't deal and give up, we come to realise we cannot afterall.

Edited December 15, 2010 by hoping2heal

December 16, 2010

Not having resources to makes visits is an unfortunate deal breaker for some LDR couples. To me, it really does sound like he didn't end things because of any dynamic between the pair of you, but rather the frustration of no longer being able to see each other. I know that doesn't make the hurt any less and I'm sorry you have to go through this, especially during the holidays. I would still give him the gift; you purchased it without knowing this would have happened and having it around (at least for me) would just make things harder.

As far as the sex comment goes, I personally don't understand why he reacted the way he did. It's very clear to me that you care about him beyond the physical aspect and I don't know the first thing about you. That should be plain as day to him.

Being in an LDR obviously means you're intimate less often than you would like. I think it's a perfectly reasonable need and want to have when you finally get to be together.

December 16, 2010

Not having resources to makes visits is an unfortunate deal breaker for some LDR couples. To me, it really does sound like he didn't end things because of any dynamic between the pair of you, but rather the frustration of no longer being able to see each other. I know that doesn't make the hurt any less and I'm sorry you have to go through this, especially during the holidays. I would still give him the gift; you purchased it without knowing this would have happened and having it around (at least for me) would just make things harder.

As far as the sex comment goes, I personally don't understand why he reacted the way he did. It's very clear to me that you care about him beyond the physical aspect and I don't know the first thing about you. That should be plain as day to him.

Being in an LDR obviously means you're intimate less often than you would like. I think it's a perfectly reasonable need and want to have when you finally get to be together.

Thanks folieadeux...I agree...I don't understand his comment about sex either. I'm still in shock by this breakup because we were so happy to see each other during Thanksgiving and had a great time. I know he gets insecure about things sometimes, but maybe this was his way of trying to ease into the difficult topic or something. It's just odd to me that he would seek reassurance that I was NOT in the relationship just for sex, then promptly say we should break off the relationship now.

It's especially painful because this being my FIRST relationship ever, I was hesitant to give him my heart....but he showed me how I could trust him...then he showed me how I could be intimate with him by gently easing me into it and it was great for both of us....he even told me before I left for Tennessee that "we're gonna be fine".

I'm probably bringing up memories that I shouldn't right now but I've lost an enormous chunk of my heart and I don't know if I'll ever get it back.

December 16, 2010

Oh darling,

I feel your pain. I remember when my first love broke up with me. My heart hurts for you.

Best advice that I can give you (and this is for your own sake...please trust me on this), is that you must give him space. I realize that in terms of long distance, it seems he has all the "space" he needs, but it sounds to me as though he needs "thought space". If you chase him right now, he will back even further away.

I'm not suggesting this method as a means to get him back, but more of a means to hang on to yourself. If he is to learn anything about himself and this relationship, absence will be the means for him.

Take this or leave it, from a 33 year old woman who went total "loony toons" on her first love, calling and paging (yes, we had pagers back then) and trying my best to win him back.

If you need support, we're all here for you.

HUGS!!

December 16, 2010

Thanks all.....this forum has really helped me so much. Otherwise I feel like i'd go out of my mind. I really appreciate it.

December 16, 2010

Thanks all.....this forum has really helped me so much. Otherwise I feel like i'd go out of my mind. I really appreciate it.

I too went total loony toons once and will never do it again. It didn't bring the guy back, it did push him further away. That's a good thing now, but it wasn't then of course. That was so long ago now but I can tell you that guy who wasn't a bad guy even, could not hold a candle to the wonderful man in my life now. He makes me happy in a way the other guy never could and no other since him has. He rocks my world thoroughly I know breakups are hard and painful but they don't always have to be bad things. Learn from it and perhaps you will get back together but if you don't, just know this is normal and part of life. Relationships are still special even though they may not always work out. It can be hard to believe you'll ever feel that type of bond or "that good" again when things end.

When my last Relationship ended a few years ago I bawled for 3 months that I would never be able to fall in love again because I just "know" I will never find anyone who made me feel the way he did. Imagine my luck I have someone who I am more in love with and is even more compatible with me than that guy.

So, I know how dismal it can feel but just let it go and give it time and let what may come of it. Don't dwell and don't be afraid to let go and grow. You never know who is waiting for you Had I known where the past guys would lead me, I would have pressed fast forward and gotten with my wonderlove like ten years ago

December 16, 2010

All great advice here.

LoveBug, losing a first love is especially difficult. I think it's something everyone goes through. And as many posters stated, even though it's hard to see it now, it may open up the doors to something even better in the future.

Your boyfriend may or may not come back, but right now, I think it's important that you give him the space he needs to think about things. You can also use this time to sort things out for yourself as well. We'll be here for you.

December 16, 2010

thanks again it means a lot to me. I'm going to give him space, and just try to distract myself from the fact.......maybe something will work out in the end.

December 16, 2010

thanks again it means a lot to me. I'm going to give him space, and just try to distract myself from the fact.......maybe something will work out in the end.

If it helps to think of it differently, recognize that this was one relationship that permanently or temporarily ended successfully. What you two shared was special and beautiful, even if only for a short time. What you had, despite how short, meant something because it is a part of a beautiful story.

The future may or may not see you two together again. Given the infinite nature of the universe, there is no single beginning or end point to any event in your life - only bumps along the way. You'll have another (perhaps many) shots at love. Consider that if future relationships end, they almost always end successfully because you walk away learning a little bit more about yourself until you almost always inevitably meet someone who can be both lover and companion.

Best wishes,

Creighton

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He wants to break it off b/c of money issues and worrying to much

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